


From When They Met

by peraltiagoisland



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8359414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiagoisland/pseuds/peraltiagoisland
Summary: When Jake and Amy first meet, they actually get along pretty well. Though their partnership (and soon after, friendship) comes with the occasional eye roll and teasing joke, Jake and Amy like each other. (As friends, okay? Gosh. Sure they were and are a little attracted to each other, but they were both very attractive people. It wasn't either of their faults.) But then it all becomes so much more.





	1. Amy's First Day

Amy stood in front of the 99th Precinct, taking in the sight of the large brick building which was to be her second home. The washed-out beige had Amy less on edge than she had been during the car ride to her new workplace. She felt calm now, excited even, to be assigned a case, introduced to her new partner. Hopefully, whomever he/she was, Amy would be able to get along and work in tandem with them. The worst thing for Amy would be to get some lazy bozo who knew next to nothing other than sitting at their desk all day, waiting for the hours to go by and letting crime go unsolved.

Which was the exact description of Amy's previous partner at her previous precinct where she was stationed when she had first been promoted to be a detective. 

Hopefully, her time would not go to waste here at the 99th Precinct. She had already wasted a good two years at the 67th being partnered to Detective How-The-Hell-Is-He-Even-A-Detective.

 

* * *

 

"Captain McGintley?" Amy spoke hesitantly as she knocked twice on the ajar door, pushing it open to see a thickset man dozing off at his chair, a half-eaten pizza on his desk. It did not make for a good first impression. 

Captain McGintley woke with a jolt, his eyes wide open suddenly and filled with a terror that could only mean his half-awake self thought a superior had just walked through the door instead of Amy. She decided to take it as a compliment.

Although, her impression of McGintley wasn't improving.

When McGintley realised that Amy wasn't someone that could probably get him fired on the spot for negligence of command over the precinct (Amy suspected he was already on thin ice with the higher-ups), he rubbed his eyes free from sleep and turned to face Amy with a confused expression.

"And you are?"

"Detective Amy Santiago. I was transferred over here from the 67th Precinct? Today's my first day on the job..."

Amy trailed off at the end, hoping that Captain McGintley would know where to go from there. But to no one's surprise, least of all Amy's, he had no clue whatsoever. 

"Oh. Have a good first day then. I'll be in here if you need anything."

Amy flashed a sheepish grin, her teeth clenched in slight impatience at the incompetent man who was none the wiser about Amy's simmering anger. 

"Actually, I do need quite a few things. All the paperwork and the like surrounding my official transfer to this precinct has been completed, but I am still in doubt about a few small things. Such as where my desk is at, and which detective has been assigned as my partner?"

Captain McGintley's mouth was agape in confusion about both of those things. To Amy's relief, there was a knock on the door.

Amy turned around to see a stocky, well-built man at the door.

"Captain-"

"Ah! Sergeant Jeffords! Just who I was looking for. Our new detective..."

"Amy Santiago-" Amy interjected when it was incredibly evident that her name had slipped Captain McGintley's mind completely. 

"-has arrived. Could you help me show her to her desk and her new partner?"

Sergeant Jeffords nodded. He seemed to have a much better handle on things than Captain McGintley did. Amy couldn't help but feel her spirits lifted. Perhaps the 99th Precinct was not hopeless after all. They just had a crappy Captain that reminded her very much of her old partner back at her old precinct.

"Actually, that's why I came in here. Saw Detective Santiago in your office and figured she was our newest employee."

Captain McGintley nodded in relief. Amy just knew he was glad he could get back to napping or maybe finishing his stupid half-eaten pizza that was probably days old given it's stale look. 

"Well I won't get in your way then! Thank you Sergeant Jeffords and Detective Santiago, I hope you have a good first day at our precinct."

And with that, Amy walked out the door with Sergeant Jeffords, super relieved she didn't have to interact with the likes of McGintley any longer.

 

* * *

 

"Well," Amy started once the door was shut and they were a good two feet away from Captain McGintley's already snoring ass, sighing in contempt. "Captain McGintley is a little-"

"Yeah, tell me about it. McGintley isn't the sharpest tool in the shed." Sergeant Jeffords replied with a chuckle.

"Neither is he the most capable tool-"

"And he isn't the most hardworking tool either." Sergeant Jeffords flashed a smile at Amy. She returned it with relish.

"I'm just glad there are people like you around. It will make his _-incompetencies-_ easier to stand." 

"You seem pretty competent yourself Detective Santiago. I read your file- it's an honour to be able to work alongside the detective that solved the _Rockefeller Murders_."

Amy blushed, touched to be receiving praise on her very first day. She had solved and caught the perpetrators behind the Rockefeller Murders, _no thanks to her good-for-nothing partner of course_. It was what got her the promotion to work at the 99th Precinct. She was looking forward to many more great cases from this point forward. 

"You flatter me, Sergeant Jeffords. I haven't read _your_ file, but I'm sure you've done some fantastic work deserving of praise yourself. First of which would be having to deal with Captain _You-Know-Who_."

Sergent Jeffords let out a tiny guffaw at this. "You and I are going to get along just fine, Santiago. Anyway, here's your desk. You'll be partnered up with Detective Jake Peralta-"

He glanced at the desk directly opposite Amy's, which was empty. Not the desk of course, _that_ was stacked messily with files and random crap. Detective Jake Peralta had terrible organization skills. But the slightly worn out chair was empty, bumming Amy out slightly. What if Detective Peralta was yet another slacker who couldn't care less that he had a job to do, lives to save? 

"-who isn't here at the moment. Hey, anyone saw Peralta?"

A few officers and detectives in the vicinity looked up, some just realising Detective Peralta's disappearance.

"No Sergeant Jeffords, I don't think any one of us has seen-"

"Guess who just caught the Bronx Killers!" A proud, enthusiastic voice rang throughout the precinct, catching everyone's attention, including Amy's. 

The Bronx Killers, who were in handcuffs and being held by who she assumed to be Detective Peralta (who was all-smiles), were diamond smugglers. They fed the jewels to various birds, beasts, you name it, before they got shipped off to the Bronx Zoo. After which, the bastards would sneak into zoo enclosures and cut the animals' stomachs open, retrieving the jewels. It was gruesome and disturbing. Amy's heart broke when she had heard about all those innocent animals cut up by those greedy low-lifes. She was glad that they had been caught, and she was even more glad that they had been caught by a detective in her precinct. 

"Great job Jake!" A middle-aged detective Amy presumed to be a great friend/fan of Jake's stood up in admiration from his desk and began giving Jake a standing ovation, prompting the rest of the precinct to do the same. Detective Peralta gave multiple elaborate bows like he was the star of a Broadway show, his face contorted in elation and pride. 

Amy had to admit... Jake was a good-looking guy. He had this cute goofiness about him- which coupled with short curly hair and that chin dimple? Would've made Amy's knees weak if he weren't her new partner which she could only maintain a _professional_ relationship with. And he was a great detective at that. Amy's hands were getting sore from how hard she was clapping for his victory, yet she felt like he deserved such applause. 

Jake waltzed over to his desk, raising his hand to Sergeant Jeffords for a solid high-five. 

"Nice work, Peralta! Although, until we've gotten a signed confession from-"

Jake waved his hand, cutting Sergeant Jeffords off. "I know, I know Sarge- I'm about to interrogate them right now. Give me like, an hour, and those signed confessions will be _right_ on your desk. No, scratch that! Five minutes."

" _Five minutes?_ " Sergeant Jeffords raised his eyebrow, highly skeptical of this.

"Yeah, you're right. That was _way_ too ambitious. Give me 30 minutes!"

Just as Jake was about to take off running towards the Interrogation Room, Sergeant Jeffords grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around.

"Hold on a second there Peralta. You didn't let me finish. You didn't really let me start either, in the first place. Anyway, I was about to introduce you to your new partner-"

"But _Sarge-_ I already said I don't need-"

" _You didn't let me finish._ Peralta, meet Detective Amy Santiago. She's your new partner, _whether you like it or not_. And I think she'll be quite useful to you with regards to interrogating those Bronx Killers, and wrapping this case up in general, got it?"

It was then that Jake turned his attention to Amy. He gulped, the look in his eyes changing to something Amy couldn't quite read as of yet.

"It-It's nice to meet you, I guess. Ja-Detective Jake Peralta."

"Detective Amy Santiago. Nice to meet you too."

Amy wondered whether it would be appropriate to shake Jake's hand, but just then Sergeant Jeffords spoke again, making Amy feel rather relieved, actually.

"Well I guess I'll leave you two to it. Peralta, take Santiago to the Interrogation Room with you. I'll be at my desk."

And with that, Sergeant Jeffords left, leaving this moment of awkward silence between the two detectives, with Jake seemingly averting Amy's gaze.

"Okay two rules: One, I'm talking to the perps on my own and you'll be watching. Two, please follow rule one." Jake fired off as he made his way towards the briefing room, back facing Amy as he led the way. For some weird reason, Amy felt like Jake was trying to avoid looking at her. 

"Why can't I help? Sergeant Jeffords said to use me. I know you probably don't trust me yet, but I could help speed up the process. I'm a good detective."

They were in front of the Interrogation Room now. Jake stopped short, turning around to look at Amy again. He exhaled loudly, his cheeks puffing up slightly. Amy only found it a little cute. A _little_. Also, Jake was avoiding her gaze again, looking off to the side awkwardly.

But then he looked up, eyes wide staring down at Amy's face. So he was capable of maintaining eye contact with her then.

" _Please?_ I solved the case and I really really _really_ want to interrogate them all by myself? I'll let you do all the interrogating next time I-"

"Okay okay!" Amy felt her cheeks go hot. "Go interrogate your perps. You definitely worked really hard on this case and- it would be unfair of me to take that away from you. I'll just watch this time."

Jake gave Amy a wide, genuinely happy smile before he turned around and barged into the Interrogation Room where the Bronx Killers were waiting in handcuffs. Amy felt her throat go slightly dry at that, but she couldn't exactly blame herself. She was a sucker for cute smiles.

Amy strolled into the adjacent room, crossing her arms ready to observe Jake's interrogation.

Just before he started however, he turned around to face Amy in the window and offered her a thumbs up and a wink.

It made Amy go _slightly_ weak in the knees.

 

 


	2. Precinct Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Amy's first day of work.

Of course, Jake's interrogation went without a hitch, and he had neatly signed confessions from each of those bastards in twenty minutes.

"That took you longer than five minutes." Amy teased with the slightest of grins as Jake stepped out triumphantly from the interrogation room. 

" _Hey_ ," he said, with widened eyes, a pointed look, and an outstretched finger. "I _changed_ my mind about that at the last second and said it would be done within _thirty minutes_."

Amy let out a light chuckle. "And-"

"Twenty two minutes _and_ forty six seconds! Hah!" Jake exclaimed with a fist pump, holding a stopwatch in Amy's face. 

"You actually _timed_ yourself?" Amy asked with wide, disbelieving eyes after overcoming her initial shock. 

"What other way to show proof that I could get them to crack in under thirty minutes?"

Amy simultaneously sighed and rolled her eyes. "Who do you even have to prove yourself to?" 

"Well for starters- _you_ , since you were so smug about me not getting them to crack in under five minutes-"

Amy blushed, unable to believe herself for caring even the slightest about Jake's shenanigans in the first place. She'd never tell him she had used her phone to secretly time if he was actually able to get the perps to crack in under five minutes.

_And that she secretly fist pumped when he didn't._

"And..." Jake began taking fast backward strides towards Sergeant Jeffords' desk, prompting Amy to follow, despite how much she wanted to chide him for walking so dangerously. 

" _Sarge_!" 

"What?" Sergeant Jeffords looked up, and Jake slammed the signed confessions on his desk, which didn't make much of an impact since they were just mere pieces of paper. 

"Sarge, got them to crack in under thirty minutes. Time to pay up!" 

Jake looked up at Amy with a smirk, who had an amused look on her face. 

"And that's why I needed to time myself Santiago. _Money_."

Amy had on a wry smile. 

"Money?" Sergeant Jeffords raised an eyebrow. "What money? There was no money riding on this." 

Jake's face froze. "What?"

Amy began to snicker.

"Peralta- you didn't stake any _money_ on this. Or make a proper sort of bet."

Amy had a hand over her mouth which failed to cover up how she was bursting with laughter. 

Jake's face was still frozen. "I didn't place a bet?" 

Amy started laughing even harder. 

"Nope, you did not." 

" _Okay_." Jake's face was unchanged, and he began taking slow, stiff steps away from Sergeant Jeffords' desk. 

A very prolonged _Noooooo_ echoed throughout the precinct seconds later when Jake was out of sight but definitely not out of earshot.   

No one laughed harder than Amy did, though.

 

* * *

 

When Jake came back from whatever hidden corner he hid in to have his mental breakdown, Amy was waiting with two coffees and a tiny grin.

"Coffee?" She asked, her voice just slightly teasing him.

Jake took it begrudgingly with pursed lips. "Thanks."

"No problem, I mean- seeing how _devastated_ you were-"

"Hey! I wasn't devastated. Just slightly bummed I didn't bet money on that. Worked so hard for nothing." 

Amy's brow furrowed in confusion. 

"Why do you need money so bad?"

Jake stopped mid-sip, almost choking on his coffee to respond to Amy's question. "Broke."

" _Ah_ , I see." 

"Like, _in debt_ broke." He then put on a goofy smile. "So if you were thinking of asking me out on a date, you'd be paying for everything." 

Amy scoffed, almost rolling her eyes. 

"I was _not_ thinking of asking you out on a date." 

Jake placed a hand on his chest in exaggerated hurt. "Oh Amy, you _wound_ me. And here I was thinking coffee was your way of bribing me to go on a date with you." 

This time, Amy did roll her eyes. 

"Whatever. So, ready to start on paperwork?"

Jake choked on his coffee. "Are you crazy? Paperwork?" He coughed. " _Wow_. That coffee is _hot_." 

Amy's face soured as she swallowed her coffee. "I'm crazy because I want work to be done? _At work?_ How long do you wait to write an arrest report?"

Jake smiled. "You wait until there's _absolutely_ nothing better for you to do."

Amy sighed. She had a feeling eye-rolls and sighs were going to be a norm for all her interactions with Jake. 

"And this- _drinking coffee_ \- is supposedly a priority over paperwork for you?" 

"Sure. But that's not all. I mean, we'll be done with this coffee in under a minute. I still need to take you around the precinct, show you around, bring you for a meet and greet with everyone." 

Amy sighed. "Can't we just do the stupid arrest report?"

"Nope. Unless you want to spend all your time at work talking to me and me _only_." 

Amy downed the rest of her coffee in one gulp and tossed the cup in the trash can. 

"Let's go meet some people!" 

Jake chuckled, dumping his own coffee in the trash and trailing after her. 

 

* * *

 

"Amy, this is Detective Charles Boyle."

Charles got up and shook Amy's hand with a friendly smile. 

"Jake's best friend." 

Amy returned the smile. "Hi, I'm Detective Amy Santiago. Jake's new partner." 

" _Lucky_. I wish I could be Jake's partner." 

Amy chuckled. 

"Oh wait, you're not kidding?"

Charles glanced up blankly. "Why would I be?" 

Amy shrugged. "Nothing. It's nice to meet you Charles. I'm sure you'll be able to partner up with Jake on cases every now and then." 

"If you're able to bear giving him up to work with me. I mean, you might not get _enough_  once you start. Then you might try to steal Jake away from me... And try to become his new best friend..."

Charles' gaze towards Amy tightened and turned cold. Amy gulped, looking up at Jake.

"Should I be scared?"

Jake bit his bottom lip. " _Uh_ \- I wouldn't worry about it. Let's go meet Rosa!" 

Jake lightly grasped at Amy's shoulders and pushed her towards Rosa's desk. She was typing something on her computer and seemed annoyed. 

"Hey Rosa! This is Detective _Amy Santiago_ , my new partner. And Amy this is Detective Rosa Diaz. We trained together in the police academy." 

Rosa glanced up. Her expression did not soften or lighten up in any way, shape, or form, like Amy had hoped. She hesitantly held her hand out.

"Nice to meet you?"

Rosa sighed. "Yeah, sure. Nice to meet you too or whatever. And I don't do handshakes."

Amy gulped, stiffly retracting her hand. Rosa went back to typing on her computer, seemingly seconds away from punching the screen.

" _And..._ that was that. Rosa you seem _really_ busy so- we're gonna go. Bye!"

Jake pushed Amy away from Rosa's desk, guiding her with a hand on her back.

Rosa punched her screen. 

"Is she always like that?" Amy asked in a quiet whisper when they were out of earshot. 

"Oh yeah," replied Jake. " _Big time_. She was actually being pretty nice to you." 

Amy shuddered. "I do _not_ want to meet her when she's mad then."

Jake grinned. "I mean, usually she doesn't even wait for people to _leave_ before she punches her computer."

Amy lets a small smile grace her lips.

"These are third-grade detectives Hitchcock and Scully. They've been here forever and sit at their desks all day. _Okay_ , moving on."

Amy barely caught a glimpse at Hitchcock and Scully before Jake led her away again. She was pretty sure neither Hitchcock nor Scully heard Jake. Or saw him.

One quick look back let Amy realise that both parties were dozing off.

"Well that was fast. Didn't want to wake them?" 

Jake shook his head. "No. Just wanted to save them from any heart attacks unrelated to Rosa's temper issues. Shoving an unfamiliar pretty lady in their faces could literally kill them from the shock." 

Amy blushed. She pursed her lips together, half-flattered because of the random compliment from Jake she didn't expect, and half-embarrassed that he had that effect on her in the first place. 

She cleared her throat. "So- who's next?"

Jake had on a slightly sheepish expression. "Actually, that's kinda it? I mean, those are the detectives we'll be seeing the most of. Other people consist of random officers that come and go so I don't generally bother remembering their names." 

Amy nodded. "Okay. So where to next?" 

They spend the rest of the day running around the precinct, Jake trying his utter best to make the most boring and generic places easily found in any police precinct sound interesting. 

"This is the evidence lockup. If you have any sort of dust allergy walking in there would _literally_ kill you. We're planning on cleaning it up one day. Which will probably never happen, but Sarge was the one who said it, _not me_." 

Amy scowled looking into the room. Getting that place organized would be her first personal mission here at this precinct. 

Jake then went on to give her "bonus tours", namely: "Best Hiding Places In The Precinct", "Which Vending Machines Give Free Food When Punched In The Right Spot", "The Roof"-

And "Best Street Vendors Closest To The Precinct".

Which yes, took them out of the precinct even though they weren't _supposed_ to be, but Jake insisted that it was a vital part of the tour.

And as ashamed as she was, Amy went along with all of it. There was just something about Jake, something lively and driven, that amused Amy and kept her mind off all that paperwork. She didn't feel bored, and honestly speaking she had a lot of fun. 

Until she realised that there was only an _hour_ left before their shifts ended.

"Jake- it's time to do your _paperwork_."

Jake noted her uptight and slightly worried tone, and conceded.

" _Fine._ But only if you admit you had fun." 

"I did have fun. This was a great first day. But it would be an even _better_ day if you finished all your paperwork."

Jake grinned. "Oh Amy. You know what they say about flattery don't you?"

Amy sighed.

"It will get Jake Peralta to do _anything_. Time for paperwork!" 

And then he dashed back to his desk, dragging her along.

"Peralta! Slow down!"

 

* * *

 

When he finished his paperwork, he stood up and stretched, before turning his attention to the rest of the room.

"Guys! We're having drinks at Shaw's later to celebrate Detective Santiago's first day. Drinks are on her!"

Amy's face froze, her eyes wide in confusion. 

As everyone cheered and whooped, she leaned towards Jake's desk and whispered in slight fury. " _Jake!_ When did I agree to that?"

"Oops. Sorry. Complete spur-of-the-moment announcement. Thought you would go along with it. Don't worry, I'll fix this."

"Wait-"

He stood up again. "Sorry, turns out Santiago doesn't _want_ to treat her new colleagues to drinks on her _first day_. Maybe next time guys."

As everyone proceeded to boo her, Amy groaned and stood up.

"First round's on me!"

She sat back down and looked venomously at Jake, who had on the dumbest grin. "You did that on _purpose_." 

"Sure did. Aw why? Are you mad?" 

Amy sighed. She wanted to murder him a little. 

" _Whatever_."

"Maybe you'll cheer up when I tell you I did _all_ my paperwork like you asked?"

Amy glanced over at him. " _Wow_ Peralta, I'm so glad that you did your _job_. Not like you were obligated to do it in the first place. Since it's just what you do _for a living_ and all."

Jake just chuckled. It was almost as if he _liked_ riling her up. 

"Wanna see?" 

She rolled her eyes. "Fine."

 

* * *

 

It was full of mistakes. 

"You might as well have not done the paperwork at _all_." She sighed as she began editing his work. 

"Well you should be thankful. Because if I hadn't screwed this up as much as I have, you wouldn't have fun paperwork to do." He grinned at her. "I'm guessing you love this stuff."

"Me liking paperwork doesn't mean you get to do crap paperwork for me to _waste time_ correcting." 

Jake looked up at her with another smile. "Will you believe me if I said I screwed my paperwork up so you'd get to correct it?"

"Nope."

" _Okay then_."

 

* * *

 

In their last hour of their shift after Jake's Precinct Tour had concluded, Jake spent thirty minutes doing "paperwork", and Amy spent the next thirty correcting the paperwork for him.

"Do you even _know_ how to spell?"

Jake grinned. "Probably not. Thank goodness for spell check then."

"Which you don't even know how to _use_."

" _Chose_ not to use. There's a difference, Santiago."

Amy groaned. "I'm not even going to respond to that."

"Yet you just did." He flashed his cheeky grin, causing her to look away in exasperation. 

" _Whatever_." 

 

* * *

 

Shaw's was nice. Dim atmosphere, not too crowded, and nicely furnished.

The only downside was the terrible bartender. Who couldn't make a drink to save her life.

"Gina?" Jake greeted the bartender with a hug after he stepped out from the washroom. Apparently, her name was Gina. And Jake knew her. "You're bartending here? What happened to your other job?"

"Got fired. And my engagement fell through so I have to make my own living again. _Ugh_."

Jake looked puzzled. "When did you get _engaged_?"

"A week ago. God, Jake- _keep up_." 

"Well I haven't seen you this week. I didn't even know you started dating someone new!" 

"Yeah... I started dating Devon two weeks ago, so..."

Jake sighed. "Okay. When did you start working here?"

"Today. I don't think I know how to make drinks though. I mean, this chick asked me for some crazy cocktail I've never even heard of. I just mixed a bunch of stuff randomly." 

She was pointing at Amy.

"Erm, hello? I'm right here?"

Gina looked back at her, virtually unaffected. "Yeah, I know that. Drink your drink Pantsuit, I'm not talking to you." 

Amy suppressed a huff. "I came here from work-"

"No one-"

"Okay okay!" Jake interrupted, slightly afraid. "It's time for another round of introductions! _Gina_ , this is my new partner at work. Her name is Amy. _Amy_ , this is Gina, my oldest friend from when we were kids."

"Hey. Nice to... meet you." Amy hesitantly stretched her hand out, not sure whether Gina would reciprocate. 

She didn't. She turned to Jake instead. "Jake, you know I don't care about the people you work with."

_Wow_. Gina was something else. 

Gina turned to Amy. "Also your drink is probably fifty percent syrup. Oops."

Amy gagged, prompting Jake to move the drink far from her reach. Somewhere, someone else called for Gina and she left to serve them drinks. Or poison. 

"Sorry about that." Jake remarked when Gina was gone. "Gina can be neglectful and cold towards new people." 

"I'm just glad I didn't drink more than a sip of that glucose dump. How does someone mess up an Old-Fashioned?" 

Jake shrugged. "She was probably put off by the name of the drink. Don't worry, I'll pay for it."

Amy waved her hand in protest. "Forget it. First round's on me anyway. Please order something for us that Gina can't mess up." 

"Okay good, because I have exactly three dollars. Which I did not bring with me. I was just going to beg Gina not to charge you in exchange for a favor. And by 'favor' I mean allow her to humiliate me physically." 

"Wow. If she didn't hate me I'd want in on that."

Jake chuckled. "She doesn't hate you."

Amy shrugged, smiling at him. "Whatever you say." 

They had a few more drinks, Jake making sure Gina didn't have to do anything more than open a bottle and pour into a glass. 

They also chatted, the conversation topics getting more random the tipsier they got. 

Eventually, Amy decided to call it quits and go home. 

"Aww _come on_ , don't leave so early."

"We have work tomorrow. You should leave soon too." 

"Fine. Need me to wait with you for a cab?" 

Amy shook her head. "Sarge is driving me home. His girlfriend expects him home early." 

"Okay. See you tomorrow?"

Amy smiled. "Of course."

Jake sipped his beer idly as Rosa and Charles walked into the bar. They had just arrived.

"Where's Santiago?" Rosa asked, her eyes taking a quick scan of the room.

"She already left. You two are too late." 

"Wow- Amy sure takes off _fast_. Not great best friend material." Charles remarked pointedly.

Jake shook his head. "Stop worrying Charles, Amy's not going to replace you."

"Yeah. Santiago would sooner become Jake's girlfriend than his best friend." 

Jake darted a look at Rosa. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Rosa's insinuating that you're attracted to Amy, and will likely explore a romantic relationship with her before you have the time to establish bonds befitting that of best friends." 

Jake sighed. "I get that part Charles, I'm asking Rosa what made her jump to that conclusion."

Rosa shrugged. "You were messing around the whole day with her, and then she got you to do _paperwork_. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

"Whatever. I admit that she's hot and it can be distracting, but that's it. I'll get used to her face in a week, tops."

Rosa shrugged again. "Don't really care whether you do."

Just then, Gina returned. 

"Ugh! Bartending _sucks_. I'm swamped, and people keep complaining."

"Gina. You've served like five drinks this past _hour_." Jake said pointedly.

"Yeah. _Five drinks._ I need a break. What's up?"

"We were discussing Jake's attraction to his new partner at work." Charles replied simply.

Gina's face contorted in confusion, seemingly trying to recall something.

"Who are you again?"

Charles took offence immediately. "Really Gina? We've met three times! _Three!_ " 

Gina shrugged. "Whatever. Who's this chick?"

Rosa didn't seem at all phased. "Don't worry about it. We haven't met."

Jake looked between Gina and Rosa in disbelief.

"Seriously? You two have met _four_ times!" 

Gina groaned. " _Whatever_ Jake. It's called being _chill_. Which that new partner of yours had very little of. Also really Jake? Pulled back hair and dull pantsuits? _That's_ what does it for you? Completely judging you but to each his own I guess."

Jake groaned. "Whatever. She's pretty. Not that that matters of course. It's just an observation. I'm a detective- I detect things!"

" _Mmhmm_." All three said simultaneously. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos so far! Would like to hear your thoughts on this :)


	3. Evidence Locker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Amy clean up the evidence lockup, then get their first case as partners.

"There you are," Amy turned her head around to look at Jake. "I've been looking _everywhere_ for you."  
  
Amy was starting her work on revamping the entire evidence lockup. Everything was unorganised for some strange reason, and everything was in a mess, like some people just randomly barged into the evidence locker one day and got into a fight.  
  
"Oh, sorry. What's going on? Do we have to follow up on a new case?"  
  
There was an unmistakeable excitement in Amy's voice. It was only her second day, but she was itching to get her hands on a new case.  
  
And maybe she was excited to work a case with Jake too, but she didn't tell him that. She wasn't fully aware of this herself.  
  
Jake had on a sheepish grin.  
  
"Sorry to burst your bubble. There's no new case. What are you doing here?"  
  
Amy pouted slightly. It was only _mildly_ cute. Jake did not feel like the air just got punched out of his lungs _at all_.  
  
"I'm reorganising the evidence lockup. If there's no case, why were you looking for me?"  
  
Jake froze. He wasn't sure why himself.  
  
"Erm... you were gone for a while. And me being an awesome partner, decided to look for you since I didn't want you to get written up for being a sloppy employee on your _second day_. Aren't I the best?"  
  
Amy shook her head in what seemed like mild disapproval of his incessant need for validation, but she was smiling.  
  
"Well I'll have you know that I'm the very opposite of sloppy. And since you have proof of that now, you can feel free to go about your day. Hope I wasn't standing between you and a... I don't know. Junk food? Gummy bears?"  
  
In the very short time Amy had known Jake, she had only seen him eat three things. Candy, chips, and chocolate. She had no idea how he stayed in such good shape.  
  
_Wait what?_  
  
Erm, by _shape_ , Amy only meant that Jake was relatively fit-looking.  
  
Wait no. That was weird too. Ugh, _whatever_ , Jake just didn't look like someone that had junk food for every meal, okay?  
  
Jake chuckled.  
  
"You're not standing in the way of anything. And actually, I think I'd rather stay and help you. Get this place cleaned up faster."  
  
Amy smiled. "Thanks. One question though- how the hell did this place get so messed up?"  
  
Jake awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair. "Funny story, actually. It was only a few months ago- some beat cop who we later found out to be drunk on duty didn't lock the holding cell properly. So this dude who was arrested for stabbing someone in the street- _don't worry, the victim survived_ \- ran out and headed towards the evidence lockup."  
  
"Why the evidence lockup?" Amy asked quizzically.  
  
"Apparently, he thought that _'they can't keep me here if they've got no weapon!'_."  
  
Amy cracked up at Jake's expression and voice as he mimicked the criminal. Seeing her laugh made him smile so widely he felt his lips stretch to the ends of his face.  
  
"So being slightly deranged, he rummaged the place for his knife. By the time Rosa and I got to him, the room was in a complete mess."  
  
"He messed up an entire evidence locker and was just slightly deranged to you? _Slightly?_ "  
  
"Yeah, on second thought, dude was downright crazy. He was freakin'  _nuts_."  
  
Amy grinned. "So what happened to the other people in the holding cell? Did they try to escape?"  
  
"Oh of course they did. Sarge handled all of them. All _five_ of them. I only wish I was there to see it with my own two eyes." He shook his head, as if in deep regret. "By the time Rosa and I had the stabber under control and out of the evidence locker, Sarge had already stuffed them all back into the holding cell."  
  
Amy was laughing her head off imagining this scenario, with Jake joining in seconds later as her laughter was just that contagious.  
  
"I wish I had been there. Sarge is crazy strong."  
  
"Sarge is _insanely_ strong. I once tested him by running into his arms and he caught me like I was nothing."  
  
Amy shook her head as she suppressed laughter, wanting quite badly to see that.  
  
"Anyway, show me how you plan to organise this stuff so this place no longer looks like a dump."  
  
Amy smiled. "Thanks again for offering to help out."  
  
Jake shrugged. "No biggie. Don't want you sneezing because of the mad dust that settled here anyway."  
  
"Thankfully I'm not allergic to dust. I am allergic to dogs though."  
  
Jake gasped. "What? You poor thing! I'm allergic to bees. If a bee stings me, I _might_ die."  
  
Amy tried to mimic the way Jake gasped, failing miserably and choking on air. It made Jake roll over in laughter.  
  
"Okay that's enough! Let's get back to cleaning this place up."  
  
"If you promise to protect me from the bees."  
  
" _Only_ if you promise to protect me from the dogs too."  
  
Jake smirked. "It's a deal then. Let's shake on it."

 

* * *

 

Within the next two hours, they had the evidence lockup packed and cleaned to a spotless state. They walked back to the bullpen triumphantly, ready to announce the good news.  
  
"Peralta! Where the _hell_ have you and Santiago been? It's been over two hours." Sergeant Jeffords chided from his desk, scaring Amy a little.  
  
"Calm down, Sarge. Santiago and I were cleaning up the evidence lockup. It's spotless now, and the whole thing was _totally_ my idea."  
  
Amy involuntarily smacked Jake on the arm.  
  
"Ow! _Fine_ , it was entirely Santiago's idea but I contributed a lot."  
  
Sergeant Jeffords looked impressed. "Good work you two! Cleaning up that hell hole must've been a real pain in the ass."  
  
"Nah, not really. Santiago and I had a lot of fun. It was almost like a party."  
  
Amy blushed. He had fun? Doing something uncharacteristic of him? It was a pleasing piece of knowledge to behold.  
  
"A party?" Charles piped up jealously. "Why wasn't _I_ invited?"  
  
"Because it wasn't really a party, Charles." Jake explained to calm his friend down.  
  
"Maybe the two of you should clean up the records room next, since you're having so much _fun_." Rosa interjected with a knowing smile.  
  
"Oh, _hell no_." Amy responded instinctively and a bit too quickly, feeling bad for sounding so rude in front of Sergeant Jeffords.  
  
"Yeah, no way in hell are we cleaning up the records room. If the evidence lockup was like a garbage bin, the records room is like a massive trash dump."  
  
Somehow, Jake jumping on her bandwagon made Amy feel less insecure about her moment of slight disrespect. Knowing that his flippant speech trumped hers assured Amy that she wouldn't get scolded in any way for being rude.

"Okay no one's making anyone clean up the records room. Peralta, Santiago- come over here. I have a new case assignment for the two of you."

Amy beamed. This was it! Her first case at the 99- and with Jake too!

"Alright! First case as partners- up top Santiago!"

Jake held his hand up high with a smile that matched that of Amy's, and she of course enthusiastically raised her hand up to smack nicely against Jake's palm.

Sergeant Jeffords smiled. "It's good to see that you two are so pumped about working with each other. Anyway, there's been reports of drug activity going on at Stan's Bakery a few streets from here. I want the two of you to go and investigate."

 

* * *

 

So Jake and Amy headed out from the precinct, pumped as ever and ready to put some drug dealers away.

"So... how do you want to go about doing this? Stakeout? Go-"

" _First_ , we're getting kebabs!" Jake interjected excitedly.

"Kebabs?"

"Yeah, the ones _right_ over there from yesterday's tour, remember?" Jake said as he pointed toward the street vendor, very evidently yearning for kebabs.

"Yeah, of course I remember. But... Shouldn't we work on the case first?"

Jake turned to look at Amy like she was a crazy person. "Work the case? On an _empty stomach_? I don't know about you Santiago, but I haven't eaten in at least three hours. How do you expect us to do our best in our important police jobs if we _die_ from starvation halfway through?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "You were being a tad too dramatic back there Peralta. But- I guess you're _kinda_ right. Let's get some kebabs." 

"Alright nice!" Jake cheered, grabbing Amy by the wrist before dashing towards the street vendor. "Two of your best kebabs, good sir!"

 

* * *

 

The kebabs did turn out to be as good as Jake had advertised them to be. Jake and Amy wolfed them down heartily as they slowly made their way to Stan's Bakery on foot. 

When Jake had finished his kebab down to the last piece of meat, he crushed the wrapper, motioning to toss it into the nearest bin before something caught his eye.

He tapped Amy on the shoulder and she looked at him with wide confused eyes. She was on her last few bites of her kebab.

"What?"

Jake chuckled. "You've got a _little_ sauce on your face there, Santiago."

Amy's face reddened. "Where?"

"I'll just get it for you." 

Using a finger, Jake wiped the drop of sauce which was near the corner of Amy's lips. He subsequently sucked the sauce off his finger, prompting Amy to smack him on the shoulder.

" _Jake_ , that's gross!"

"What? It wasn't like the sauce was on the floor or anything- just your face! Unless you're saying your _face_ is gross?"

"Ugh, whatever. Did you tap on my shoulder _just_ to tell me there was sauce on my face?"

"No. Look over there, guy by the lamp post with the bagel." Jake held both sides of Amy's shoulders and turned her towards the man next to the lamp post.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"He bought his bagel from Stan's Bakery. Then, he stopped by that lamp post. He looked around to make sure there was no one, and then sniffed his bagel. Not some normal _i wanna smell nice baked goods_ sniffing, his nose went over a large surface of the bagel-"

" _He was snorting cocaine!_ " Amy exclaimed. "The bakery's dealing cocaine using baked goods!"

"Bingo! But not so loud now, someone might hear us."

Thankfully, there was no one within earshot to hear Amy's accusations of Stan's Bakery.

"Okay. So how do you wanna bust them? Also- you can let go of my shoulders now." 

Jake's hands retracted sharply after Amy said this, not realising that his hands had stayed on Amy's shoulders the whole time. 

"Oops. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it." Amy didn't really mind Jake's hands on her shoulders, and hadn't even noticed for quite a while.

"Let's talk to lamp post guy, pretend we want some of what he's got."

Amy nodded, stuffing the last of her kebab into her mouth before tossing the wrapper into the nearest bin. "Okay, let's do this."

 

* * *

 

"Hey," Jake whispered to the very obviously high-on-cocaine guy (his nostrils were tainted white) as they moved next to the lamp post. "Where can we get some of that?"

The man smiled when he saw Amy, very obviously besotted. "You're pretty."

Amy took this as a cue to flirt a little with the infatuated man. "And you're so _handsome_. How do we get some of that?"

She winked for good measure. Jake was using every bit of his self-control to prevent himself from bursting into laughter at the exchange. 

"You go into Stan's Bakery, ask for the 'Winter Special'. It's amazing."

Jake and Amy immediately made a beeline for the door, abandoning the man who they heard snort more cocaine from his bagel.

"That guy was _balding_." Jake quipped quickly leaning into Amy's ear before they entered the bakery.

"Shut up. If he doesn't run away we can arrest him on our way out later."

They walked up to the counter. As far as they could tell, Stan's Bakery was run by just Stan. It was a very small bakery, after all.

Jake did his best to look like an edgy drug addict in need of a fix, complete with jumpy mannerisms and wide, unblinking eyes. 

"Hey, was wondering if you could fix me and my friend up here with a 'Winter Special'?"

Stan grinned. "Of course."

The moment Stan handed them a bagel very obviously glazed with cocaine, Jake and Amy whipped their badges and guns out, pointed at Stan who immediately dropped the bagel in fright.

"NYPD! Put your hands in the air!" They chorused with gusto, turning to each other with a wide smile each.

 

* * *

 

They returned to the precinct triumphantly with Stan and the balding man, both handcuffed and high on cocaine. 

"Guess who just caught a baker who sells cocaine-glazed bagels!" Jake excitedly announced.

" _We did!_ " Amy interjected, with equal excitement in her voice.

"Nice work you two!" Sergeant Jeffords praised, clapping his hands sincerely. "You two certainly make for an unstoppable pair, huh?"

"We sure do," Jake smiled at Amy, who averted his gaze. "Nothing can stop us, neither drug dealers _nor_ messy evidence lockers!"

 

* * *

 

They all end up at Shaw's Bar again that night.

Okay, not _all_ of them. Some of them just went to Shaw's a lot. And since Gina was bartending there now, Jake felt the obligation to drop by and support his oldest friend.

Amy had went home early again, tired from the day's events, and not wanting to drink anything since she was driving home.

"Bye Santiago," Jake had said as he bade Amy farewell. "Thanks again for doing most of the paperwork."

Rosa had slid into the seat next to Jake after that, downing a shot. 

"Tough day?" Jake asked in concern.

"Nah, Today was great. I closed two cases on my own."

"Oh _wow_. Congratulations then?" Jake was still terrible at reading Rosa. 

"My day couldn't have been greater than yours though. You were practically _bursting_ with joy being with Santiago the whole day."

Jake sighed. "Seriously Rosa? Again?"

Rosa shrugged. "I mean, she got you to help _clean out the evidence locker_. You once said you'd never clean that place out even if you were offered _a million pizzas_."

" _Hey-_ " Jake pointed his finger at Rosa. "That's unfair, and Amy had a _really_ good system planned to reorganise the evidence locker."

Rosa shrugged again. "Whatever. I'm not saying you have a crush on her. Just think that hot people have a way of influencing us to do stuff, that's all. I mean- I wouldn't date Amy, but if we weren't coworkers and she came on to me, I'd hook up with her."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying this fic so far! would love to hear your thoughts^^ btw i'm peraltiagoisland on tumblr, follow me there! i take fic requests so hmu if you want anything yeah


	4. Door Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Amy go on door duty, making a few bets here and there. But then they have too much fun for too long.

Jake, Charles, Amy, and Rosa had all just arrived at the scene of a murder. There were two victims, a man and a woman, both of whom had been stabbed to death.  
  
"What do you think? Lover's tiff?" Amy said trying to spark some sort of a discussion.  
  
" _Could_ be a break in too. There's some damage to property." Charles replied with a shrug.  
  
The refrigerator had been overturned, resulting in some of its contents broken and spilt on the floor. Jake was in the midst of inspecting this.  
  
" _Oh no!_ All the yoghurt in the fridge spilled out. I hope the Sarge doesn't see this. Terry loves yoghurt."  
  
Rosa mostly ignored Jake other than the slight smirk she sent his way, deciding instead to speculate with Charles and Amy about the circumstances of the murder.  
  
"I don't know Boyle. Stabbing's personal. A random robbery seems like something you'd bring a gun to."  
  
Jake hopped back from under the fridge to partake in the discussion.  
  
"Unless the intruder was an amateur. Or more like someone the couple knew." He snapped his fingers. "They let the murderer in _willingly_."  
  
Amy turned to the nearest cop.  
  
"Hey, you were here since this got called in right? Were there any signs of a break in?"  
  
The cop shook his head. "Nope."  
  
" _Aha!_ " Jake cheered. "That's one for Peralta."  
  
"I could be right too! A lover's tiff implies that there was no break in- _but_ it implies that you're wrong about a third party being involved, Peralta."  
  
Amy smiled smugly at Jake, who turned to the slightly confused and frightened looking cop.  
  
"So, _Dirk-_ " Jake said as he read off the cop's badge with his eyes squinted. "Were there signs of involvement of a third party? Or was it just between these two?"  
  
The cop scratched the back of his head nervously. "I'm not too sure about that. But we did find a knife in the woman's hand. Bagged it for evidence."  
  
Amy smirked, sticking her tongue out at Jake. "There you have it, Peralta. I guess that's one for Santiago."  
  
"Whatever. The knife could have been planted by the real killer, to make it look like the _wife_ did it. This isn't over, Santiago. I'm going to be right."  
  
They stuck their tongues out at each other. Rosa and Charles could only give each other knowing looks.  
  
"Santiago! Peralta! What the hell are you two doing? Acting like kids at a crime scene..."  
  
The moment they heard Terry's voice chiding them, Amy and Jake retracted their tongues and stepped away from each other. They had been standing a little too close to one another.  
  
"Sarge, don't look at the fridge! Your heart might break." Jake said exaggeratedly, diffusing the situation and also causing Terry to look at the fridge.  
  
He shook his head. "Really, Jake?"  
  
But under his breath, they're all pretty sure they heard Terry mutter that _the yoghurt was innocent!_  
  
"Anyway, let's split up the workload. Boyle and Diaz, go talk to the coroner and send the bodies in for their autopsies. Find out if there was anyone else involved in this."  
  
"In other words, find out if I was _right_ or if Santiago was _wrong_." Jake whispered.  
  
" _Those two variables mean the exact same thing!_ " Amy whispered with slight competitive fury.  
  
"That's because that's the only possible 'variable', Santiago. Because _I'm_ going to win." Jake said as he smiled smugly at Amy. She huffed.  
  
"-Peralta and Santiago, talk to the neighbors, guards, look through any security tapes in this building. Try to piece together what went down last night. Got it?"  
  
"Got it." All four of them chorused.  
  
"Okay. Dismissed."  
  
When Amy and Jake had dashed off to make good on their inadvertent bet, Charles turned to Rosa in confusion.  
  
"We weren't involved in that bet at all, were we?"  
  
"Nope." Rosa replied simply.

 

* * *

  
  
The first door they walked up to had that morning's papers on the welcome mat. Jake raised his arm to knock on the door, but before he could Amy had reached out to grab his arm, stopping him.  
  
"What if there's no one at home?"  
  
Jake turned to Amy.  
  
"What gave you _that_ idea?"  
  
Amy pointed to the papers beneath them that Jake was stepping on.  
  
"Well, that doesn't mean no one's home. Some people just like sleeping in."  
  
Amy scoffed. "It's _two_ in the afternoon!"  
  
"Your point?" Jake said with a playful smirk. "I know you like to wake up at the crack of dawn, Santiago, but you can't expect everyone to be like you."  
  
Amy rolled her eyes. "Whatever. But you know that there's more than one morning paper on this mat, right?"  
  
With pursed lips, Jake discovered that he hadn't been standing on just one morning paper, but three. He could only grumble as Amy rubbed her mini-victory in his face, determined that she would win their bet about the murder at hand.  
  
Within the next few doors, Jake and Amy had turned door duty into an elaborate guessing game, which greatly heightened the competitiveness of the atmosphere. The rules were as follows:  
  
Firstly, they had to guess the age range(s) of the inhabitants of the apartment. Then they had to guess if there were any kids or pets living in the apartment. Occupations. Strange habits, the like.  
  
These guesses could be based on observation and deductive reasoning or random gut feelings. There wasn't exactly a point system or a grand prize to this game, and the rules were sort of iffy as well in its execution.  
  
"College students. Or graduates. There could be a party going down or a bunch of them living together to save on rent money." Amy immediately deduced when they smelt the strong stench of marijuana from an apartment playing muffled music.  
  
"Not loud enough for a party. My guess is one loser getting high all by himself because he has nothing better to do." Jake said in counterargument.  
  
When they knocked on the door however, a man very well into his sixties was the one who answered.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Jake and Amy gave each other a look. Behind the old man were a couple other old folk. All smoking marijuana in a circle with music playing in the background, although the man at the door tried to conceal it.  
  
"Afternoon, sir. We are Detectives Santiago and Peralta from the NYPD. Did you happen to hear any sort of ruckus from 7pm to 12am last night?"  
  
The man shook his head. "Not that I recall."  
  
Jake nodded. "Well thank you for your time, sir. You can get back to your little party now."  
  
The man nodded awkwardly, seemingly wary and slightly frightened. He shut the door in a hurry.  
  
"Well, apparently- we're terrible detectives." Amy remarked with a giggle.  
  
"Tell me about it. Our guesses were _so_ far off. I think this teaches us not to discriminate against old people."  
  
"We learn something new everyday."  
  
The next door they approached caused Amy to start sneezing like crazy.

"Aha! This apartment has dogs. I totally win this one because you're too allergic to respond! Also you should probably move ten feet away. I think I'll knock on this door alone."

Amy raised her hand in an attempt to protest, but all that came out was a sneeze. 

"That's what I thought, Santiago. Now move _twenty_ feet away. Yes, I doubled the distance because you were being bad and didn't listen the first time. Wait- twenty feet's too far away. Just move back till you stop sneezing."

 

* * *

 

Surprisingly, Jake managed to get some solid information from the dog owner lady. As it turned out, she lived in the apartment directly below the one where the couple was murdered. 

"I heard some shouting. Stuff got smashed, there were some loud thuds too. Really scared Jakey here." The woman cooed as she cuddled her tiny puppy.

"Aww his name is Jake? _My_ name is Jake!" He turned to face Amy, who was waiting approximately ten feet away with a wary hand over her nose. "Hey Santiago! This cute little puppy here has the _same name_ as me!"

Amy glared at him, very obviously hinting for him to stop messing around so they could leave for another apartment which she could actually stand in front of. 

So obviously, Jake's move was to stall even _more_ , and to talk as loudly as possible while he stalled so that she could hear him perfectly.

"So tell me _more_ about my puppy doppelgänger Jake here Ma'am! How old is he? Does he have other puppy siblings-"

The dog owner lady put her finger on Jake's lips, shutting him up and instantly making him feel very uncomfortable. 

"I think we both know there's something between us here, Detective. So why don't we skip the chit-chat and take this inside?" 

Her finger left Jake's lips and began stroking his jaw. 

"Erm Ma'am I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding here-"

"A misunderstanding? Oh Jakey dear, let's not play games shall we?"

Just then, Jake's phone rang, causing him to thank his lucky stars and jerk away from the woman.

"Oops! Duty calls, gotta go!" Jake exclaimed awkwardly, before taking off and making a beeline for Amy. She had been silently laughing her head off at him the whole time dog owner lady came on to him. Jake grabbed her hand and ran off, afraid that staying there any longer would prompt dog owner lady to follow.

"Oh Peralta, don't mind me- shouldn't you be following up with your new _girlfriend_?"

Jake could only make a face at her as he dug his phone out of his pocket. They were now roughly three floors down from dog owner lady's apartment now, so Jake deemed it safe to pick up his call.

It was the Sarge.

" _Hey_ Sarge-"

"Peralta, where the _hell_ have you and Santiago been?"

This took Jake by surprise.

"Door duty-"

Terry sighed. "Still? Peralta, door duty shouldn't take more than an _hour_ \- and I know for a fact that you don't do door duty for more than thirty minutes usually."

"And-"

"It's been _three hours_ Peralta. Three! Boyle and Diaz have already came back with the autopsy results- you were supposed to be back before them. Please tell me you've gotten the surveillance tapes from the building management."

Jake gulped. "We were- _being very detailed with door duty?_ "

"Seriously Jake? Get those surveillance tapes, have a very _brief_ chat with the guards, then get your ass back to the precinct so you can explain why you and Santiago were wasting precious time, got it?"

"Got it. Sorry Sarge, Santiago and I will be right back- _and_ he hung up." Jake turned to Amy, who was giving him a rather perplexed look.

"So guess what? Did you know that we've been doing door duty for three hours?"

Amy's face turned a sheet of white. " _What?_ " She dug her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it desperately. "Crap! How'd we manage to spend so much time doing door duty? Is Sarge really mad?"

" _Eh_ , I wouldn't worry about it. But yeah, we should hurry up and get back to the precinct. I'll talk to the guards, you get the tapes, then we'll look through them when we're back at the precinct with Charles and Rosa. They've already got the autopsy results, because of all days the M.E. chooses _today_ to be super quick and efficient, effectively screwing us over."

Amy looked slightly panicked. "Okay, okay. Let's hurry!"

 

* * *

  

Amy nervously tapped her fingers on her lap as they drove back to the precinct.

"Hey, you okay there? Don't worry too much about the Sarge, he wouldn't genuinely get angry at us for doing overdoing door duty. Something else must have pissed him off- maybe he fought with his girlfriend or someone finished his yoghurt without asking. After all-"

" _Terry loves yoghurt._ " The two said simultaneously, making Jake laugh and Amy smile.

"And even if he is mad at us, he'd mostly be mad at me. So don't worry, you're off the hook."

 

* * *

 

"We're back!" Jake announced enthusiastically as usual, catching Charles and Rosa's attention, as well as several other officers.

" _Finally._ What the hell were you two up to?" Rosa asked.

"We'll explain that soon. But first, quick question- what's Sarge _really_ mad at? Did Scully and Hitchcock eat his yoghurt from the tub thinking that it was ice cream again?"

"God, I hope not. That would be terrifying. The last time that happened, Terry slammed the fridge so hard it broke. We had to replace the whole unit."

"Wow." Amy exhaled in exasperation. 

"I know, right? Anyway, Sarge is angry at a number of things today. The Deputy Chief dropped by-"

"Uh oh," said Jake, as he turned to Amy. "Deputy Chief is hella racist. Sarge gets a lot of crap and the Captain gets off scot-free all the time."

Amy made a face at that, prompting Charles to continue.

"Deputy Chief saw some of Hitchcock and Scully's paperwork, so he really dug into Sarge about not managing his detectives properly."

Jake gritted his teeth awkwardly. "This is not sounding good for Santiago and me."

"Santiago and _I_. But please- continue." Amy said, gesturing to Charles. 

"Well there's nothing much more to say. But Terry did run out of yoghurt."

"Aha! See, I _knew_ it had something to do with his yoghurt-"

" _But the Sarge is also really mad at you._ " Rosa emphasised. "You've gotta come up with something to say to him that isn't going to piss him off even more."

"Yeah, again, Santiago is very sorry about that- _ow!_ " 

Amy gave him a glare after hitting him on the arm.

"Fine, Santiago _and I_ are very sorry for getting carried away while doing door duty. Let's try to solve this case before Terry gets back then. Where is he, anyway?"

"Went out to get more yoghurt."

"Hmm, figures. _Okay_ now let's get to work!"

 

* * *

 

"So what did you two find out from the autopsy?" Amy asked as they loaded up the surveillance tapes.

"Cause of death for both of the victims were their stab wounds and massive blood loss, nothing unexpected. But we did find out that while the husband's stab wounds were caused by the knife found in the wife's hands, the wife was stabbed by something else. Her wounds were wider, deeper."

"Sounds like the work of a- _third party_." Jake said to Amy with a smug smile.

"Not now Peralta." 

After looking through the surveillance tapes and skimming through the past few days to find any suspicious activity, the detectives found their number one contender for the 'third party'. 

A man had been seen in intimate contact with the wife, and he had been seen entering the building on the night of the murder alone, a few hours after the couple had returned themselves with armfuls of groceries. 

"I'm guessing he's our guy." Amy said, very matter-of-factly.

"Question is, who _is_ this guy?" Jake countered with a raised eyebrow.

Luckily, Charles and Rosa had looked through some of the evidence bagged at the scene while they were waiting for Jake and Amy to get back with the surveillance tapes. The wife had some very intimate text exchanges with a mysterious guy on her phone that suggested an affair.

"The guy we suspected matches this dude. We just need to find the murder weapon, then we can easily build up a case against this guy and put him away."

"Nice work, Rosa and Charles! Up top? No?" Jake offered awkwardly. Charles gave him a solid high five but one look from Rosa and he seemed to regret it instantly. 

Right then, Terry arrived back from his yoghurt shopping trip and went straight towards his detectives.

"Peralta and Santiago, care to explain why the two of you did door duty for three hours and _delayed_ the solving of this case?"

Jake raised his hands in defence. " _Now Sarge-_ before you get even more mad, I know you'd love to yell at Santiago right now, and that's perfectly-"

" _Jake-_ "

"Sorry. Anyway, my point is that thanks to the great work of Detectives Boyle and Diaz, we are on our way to solving this case. We _just_ need to find this new murder weapon and get a warrant to arrest this dude who totally stabbed the wife and bring him to justice. Sound good?"

Terry's anger seemed to dissipate a little. "Okay- but _you're_ going with Diaz to get the arrest warrant and _Santiago's_ going with Boyle to search for the murder weapon. I don't want any more delays and the next time you get partnered up with Santiago no wasting hours of precious time doing _god knows what_. Understood?"

"Perfectly, Sarge." Amy responded stiffly, her hands clutched tightly in guilt. 

"Good." Then Terry walked away.

"We were only doing door duty and nothing else- _just wanna be clear about that!"_ Jake called out to Terry as he left, getting dragged away by Rosa.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, you're not still mad, are you?" Jake asked Rosa as they drove in silence. 

Rosa sighed. "I'm not really mad at you, exactly. Just- the new Deputy Chief is real shitty to Sarge and it's not fair. If I were two shades darker and in a higher ranking position, I'd be getting a ton of crap too."

Jake pursed his lips. "I'm sorry about that. I'll try to take my job more seriously. Santiago and I just got carried away playing this dumb game. I mean it was _actually_ a really fun game, but since it caused all this mess I'm going to say it's a really dumb game. Anyway, the game goes-"

" _Not interested,_ Jake. Let's just go get that arrest warrant and put this guy away. Make Sarge feel better or whatever."

"Yup," replied Jake. "Good call."

 

* * *

 

As luck would have it, Amy and Charles found the murder weapon in a garbage bin next to the apartment complex. Within the next few hours, they had the culprit arrested and seated in the interrogation room. Amy and Jake stood watching from the two-way mirror whilst Rosa and Charles interrogated the man.

"We've got you dead to rights. Your fingerprints were found on the knife, and surveillance footage puts you in the building during the time of the murder. _So-_ let's not waste time. _'Fess up_." Rosa said pointedly to the petrified man.

It worked perfectly and he spilled his whole story. Apparently, he was a close friend of the couple, and hooking up with the wife. They had schemed to kill the husband, except the wife was too sloppy in her execution of her husband's murder, and the husband confronted the two about their affair over dinner. The man thought that the wife was going to poison her husband's food, but during the confrontation there was a bit of a scuffle, and the wife ended up stabbing her husband. Knowing things had gone sideways, the man decided to kill the wife whom he was never super into in the first place, and set things up as a lover's quarrel gone wrong. He then proceeded to steal some of their cash, which was news to all the detectives but a useful piece of information.

As Rosa and Charles wrapped up the interrogation, Jake turned to Amy.

"So- I guess both of us were kinda right, huh? Because, there _was_ a third party involved, but at the same time there was kinda a lover's tiff, since the wife stabbed the husband."

Amy smiled. "I guess it's a tie then. Till next time, Peralta."

Jake grinned. "Hey- I know we _kinda_ got into trouble messing around during door duty today. But seeing how well this case turned out, I feel okay admitting that I had a lot of fun playing our door duty game and I don't regret it one bit."

Amy looked down, slightly touched by the sentiment. "You know what, Jake? I don't regret it either."


	5. Good Cop Bad Cop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending weeks working on a case, Jake and Amy finally get to interrogate their perps. The problem is, they can't decide who gets to be Bad Cop.

Amy's batteries were running primarily on coffee at this point. When was the last time she got sleep again? She vaguely remembered getting a few hours here and there, but all her time had gone into solving this case.

Jake and Amy were hunting down a pair of house burglars. Their M.O. was that after robbing their victims, they would knock every single witness present unconscious. The injuries present on all victims were always minimal though, so Jake and Amy had long deduced that knocking their victims unconscious was functional, to sort of cover up loose ends rather than actually harm the victims for some sick sort of pleasure. Upon questioning these victims, Jake and Amy had gathered that there were exactly two people in collaboration carrying out these robberies. They always tied the victims up during the robberies, but untied them after said robbery. Plus, they were always in and out within twenty minutes, so they were hard to catch.  
  
But Jake and Amy were getting close to catching them. At least, Amy  _hoped_  that was the case. She didn't think she could go on any longer, despite how much coffee she had gulped. She must've drunk a gallon by now.  
  
All of a sudden, Jake jumped up from his desk, in the middle of a phone conversation. He looked over excitedly at Amy, smiling so wide, his eyes filled with such excitement it energised Amy much better than any cup of coffee could.  
  
Then Jake hung up the phone.  
  
"What is it?" She asked, failing to mask the excitement in her voice.  
  
"My C.I. called! He  _just_  saw our guys entering his neighbour's house from across the street!"  
  
Amy squealed and they high-fived in celebration.  
  
Within the next hour, they had the two perps in cuffs and brought back to the precinct.  
  
"Guess who drank  _way_  too much coffee while cracking this case?" Jake asked in his usual bragging tone as they entered the bullpen in triumphant spirits.  
  
"You two?" Terry responded, seemingly half-bored and half-proud.  
  
"Nope! It was Amy Santiago. This girl put away  _three_  cups before noon."  
  
Amy sighed. "Really Jake?"  
  
" _Fine_ , I drank four cups."  
  
"Great work you two," interjected Terry. "I know this case was hell for the both of you. You two put in a lot of late nights."  
  
"We sure did." Jake responded proudly. "But it was worth it, because  _Santiago_  says the weirdest things when she's tired and  _way_  too high on coffee."  
  
Amy and Terry gave Jake a pointed look.  
  
" _...and_  of course it was worth it too because we stopped crime from happening!"  
  
" _Anyway,_ " Amy continued. "We should get going if we want those signed confessions by the end of our shifts."  
  
"You sure you don't want Diaz or Boyle to step in for that? The two of you look like you need a good long nap."  
  
Jake waved his hand in dismissal. "Don't worry about it Sarge. Santiago and I  _need_  this interrogation. Those bastards have been frustrating us for weeks so-  _it's payback time._ "  
  
Terry nodded. "Alright then. Go have your fun."

 

* * *

  
  
" _So,_  wanna do this Good Cop Bad Cop style?" Jake asked on their way to the interrogation room.  
  
"Sure. I'll be Bad Cop-"  
  
" _Woah woah woah_  slow your roll there Santiago.  _I'm_  Bad Cop."  
  
Amy squinted her eyes, folding her arms in a firm stance. "What gives  _you_  the right to be Bad Cop?"  
  
Jake took a defensive stance, his arms akimbo. "Erm, Santiago? I think you're forgetting that  _my_  C.I. was the one who gave us the tipoff that  _led_  to the arrest of our perps."  
  
Amy scoffed. "So?  _My_  C.I. was the one who found out about the victim that didn't make a police report. Their account of the robbery was the stepping stone to solving this case in the  _first place_!"  
  
"You know  _what_  Santiago?" Jake asked in a hostile tone.  
  
_"What?"_  
  
"We should take a poll and ask everyone  _who_  should be Bad Cop!"  
  
"Great! Let's do just that!"  
  
It was important to note that they were both  _very_  sleep deprived at this point, and it certainly did not help that they were also extremely childish with competitive streaks to boot. This made them rather prone to yelling, as demonstrated whilst they were in front of the interrogation room.  
  
Jake and Amy stormed towards the bullpen, ready to conduct their frankly pointless poll.  
  
"Let's start with Charles!" Jake exclaimed.  
  
"No, he's biased! He's  _always_  going to pick you."  
  
Jake grinned sloppily. " _I know_ , that's why I wanna start with him."  
  
Amy sighed. "That's not fair, we need an unbiased opinion. We're asking Rosa."  
  
Jake sighed along with her. " _Fine._ "  
  
They walked up to Rosa's desk with slight caution.  
  
_"Hey Rosa!"_  Jake greeted as jovially as he could. "What's up?"  
  
Rosa looked up with a disinterested gaze. "What do you need?"  
  
Amy gulped. "Well, we were having a  _slight_  disagreement regarding our interrogation earlier-"  
  
" _-basically,_  who do you think should be Bad Cop? Let me remind you Rosa, that our friendship stretches  _way_  back into our days at the academy.  _Oh,_  the hardships we went through! It has hardened me into the perfect Bad Cop. So, do you pick many  _memorable_  years of comradeship or someone who you only met a few  _months_  ago?"  
  
"-of which said months were  _equally_  memorable and  _so_  much richer than those years. Also-"  
  
"Okay that's  _enough_." Rosa threw her pen on the desk, effectively shutting both Jake and Amy up. "I'm choosing  _neither_  of you. Just interrogate the perps. This is stupid."  
  
"Yeah Jake," Amy said in resignation. "Maybe we should stop this poll. Just-"  
  
_"Let me be the Bad Cop."_  
  
They both said this at the same time, causing much frustration.  
  
" _Ugh!_  Why is this so hard?"  
  
"What's going on?" Terry asked as he walked into the bullpen, having just returned from the men's room.  
  
"Amy and I can't decide who should be Bad Cop."  
  
Terry sighed. "Aren't there two perps? Just take turns."  
  
Jake and Amy froze and turned to each other, eyes widened with something unreadable.  
  
"Taking  _turns_..."  
  
"How did we not realise that?"  
  
Terry shook his head. "The two of you are  _way_  too sleep deprived. Quickly wrap up the interrogations and take the rest of today and tomorrow off."  
  
"Wait-  _Sarge!_ " Jake called out to Terry, who turned around in response.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Who do you think should be Bad Cop  _first?"_

* * *

  
  
They ended up deciding who would go first by playing a single round of Rock Paper Scissors, in which Jake emerged victorious. He did a very stupid victory dance to taunt Amy in which he claimed to be the king of Rock Paper Scissors.  
  
But once they had gotten over the whole 'Who Gets To Be Bad Cop' feud, they ended up having a lot of fun.  
  
And scaring the hell out of two robbers.  
  
"Alright Santiago! Got them both to confess in thirty minutes, nice!"  
  
They enthusiastically high-fived, a stark contrast from the actions of the shuddering criminal.  
  
_"It would've been much sooner if you two agreed to let me sign after I said 'I confess!' multiple times..."_  He muttered, with wide fearful eyes and fidgety fingers.  
  
Amy turned back sharply to glare at the man, resuming her 'Bad Cop' persona.  
  
"What did you just  _say_  to me?"  
  
_"Nothing!"_  His eyes widened in fear. "I confess I confess!  _Please_  don't do this again!"  
  
Amy slammed her hands on the desk and leaned into the man who flinched.  
  
"Are you  _sure?"_  
  
"Yes I'm sure! I've already signed my confession- see!"  
  
Jake and Amy burst out laughing as they left the interrogation room, signed confessions in hand.  
  
"I have to say, Santiago- you're a  _pretty_  good Bad Cop. Turned me on a little though which is unprofessional of you in a workplace environment...  _but_  since I'm such a great partner I won't have you written up for inappropriate workplace behaviour."  
  
All that and the almost tender gaze Jake sent Amy's way made her blush. She was slightly stunned for a moment.  
  
"Of course." She started out confidently after a short while, grabbing Jake's attention. "I am a pretty good Bad Cop. The  _better_  Bad Cop."  
  
This immediately prompted Jake to jump into a counter-argument about how he was just trying to be nice when he called her a good Bad Cop and that he was the  _best_  Bad Cop in the world.  
  
As expected, their argument went on for thirty minutes straight, and was even brought up intermittently when they all went to Shaw's for drinks because  _of course_  Jake had to announce that the first round of drinks were on them since they did such a fantastic job of solving the case.  
  
"Seriously, you two are still arguing about this?" Rosa groaned as she downed a shot.  
  
"Yes, Rosa- we're still arguing about this because  _Santiago_  won't admit that I'm the better Bad Cop."  
  
"That's because-"  
  
"I know who'd be the better Bad Cop." Gina said suddenly as she returned with everyone's drinks. Of course she got most of the orders wrong, but. Everyone learnt to deal with it.  
  
"Really, Gina? My close friend from my childhood? Who will definitely and  _should_  definitely support my every cause?" Jake said with his stupid wide smug smile.  
  
"Yup. The answer is  _no one cares_. Move on from this dumb argument and drink up so I can make enough to see Beyoncé's concert next month."  
  
Rosa nodded. "I totally agree with Gina. This is stupid."  
  
Just then, Charles showed up, sitting at the bar next to Jake.  
  
"Hey guys I just sent in the paperwork for a last minute arrest. What's up?"  
  
"We're trying to decide who's the better Bad Cop-" said Jake and Amy at the same time.  
  
" _-nothing._ " Rosa and Gina interjected simultaneously.  
  
"Actually-" Charles began, eliciting groans from Rosa and Gina.  
  
"Charles  _no._ " Gina emphasised.  
  
"Charles  _yes._ " Jake said with a cheeky grin.  
  
_"-I think Rosa would be the best Bad Cop."_  
  
"What?!" Jake and Amy exclaimed at the same time.  
  
"Interesting." Rosa interjected with a sly smile.  
  
"Actually you know what I do see it. Rosa's scary as  _hell_." Jake conceded, taking a swig of his beer.

"Damn right I am." Rosa said as she too took a swig of beer.  
  
"Really?" Amy groaned, frowning as she propped her head on her arm.  
  
"Well Rosa is more-" Charles said in an attempt to support his claim.  
  
"Again,  _still don't care._ " Gina cut in.  
  
"Don't you need to serve other people drinks, Gina?"  
  
Gina placed a hand on her chest in offence.  
  
"Trying to chase me away?"  
  
"Erm-"  
  
"Whatever. Beyoncé trumps  _all of you_. I'm leaving."  
  
Ever the dramatist, Gina grabbed all the bottles of beer in sight and paraded off.  
  
"Who wants to get hammered?"  
  
Numerous (already drunk) people cheered brazenly in response. Gina made enough money to buy two tickets to see Beyoncé that night.

 

* * *

 

Jake and Amy decided to split a cab home after calling it quits that night. They were both too drunk to drive themselves home, and too poor to take a cab home all by themselves.

Okay fine,  _Jake_  was too poor to take a cab home all by himself. But it made sense for them to split a cab right? 

"I mean, you don't like live crazy far away or anything, do you?"

"I live by Fifth Avenue."

Jake brightened with a full-blown grin. "Nice! My apartment's on the way there."

"Fine, let's split a cab."

When they sidled into the backseat of the first cab they managed to flag down, their driver turned around to beam at them.

"You lovers heading home?"

They both turned away awkwardly and averted each other's gazes.

"Nope. Just coworkers." 

The driver didn't seem sorry in the least, but still apologised for his error.

When they reached Jake's apartment, he tapped Amy on the shoulder to wake her up. 

"Oh, you're leaving? Good night Jake." She stretched her arms and yawned. This gesture seemed to make Jake smile shyly and look down.

"Yeah, heading home now. Thanks for splitting the cab with me. Also Amy- I  _totally_  know your address now, so watch out since I might use that information to blackmail you in the future."

Amy smirked in mild amusement. "Well you forgot that I  _totally_  know your address now too, so I can always get you back if you use my address to blackmail me."

Jake chuckled. "Damn, did not catch that. Truce?"

Amy smiled. "Sure, let's call a truce."

 

* * *

 

Not more than ten minutes later however, Amy got a call. From Jake.

"Peralta? What is it?"

Jake was panting and clearly out of breath. "Hey Santiago? You still in the cab?"

"Yeah why? What's wrong?"

Jake chuckled, but it was nervous laughter. It worried Amy a little more than it should've. Had something gone wrong? 

"Pipe in my apartment burst a while ago. The super called a plumber who's fixing it up right now,  _but_  it won't be done until some time tomorrow and I need a place to crash. If it's okay could I sleep on your couch? I'd ask Charles but he lives so far away and I don't even  _know_  where Rosa lives. The Sarge has a girlfriend so you know what they say- three's a crowd, and-"

"Jake  _stop talking_ , of course you can crash on my couch. I'll turn the cab around and pick you up in ten minutes."

When she hung up and told the driver to turn back, he chuckled.

"I knew there was something between the two of you."

Amy couldn't bring herself to protest.

When the cab pulled back in front of Jake's apartment building, he had a medium-sized bag slung over his shoulder containing what Amy assumed was a change of clothing and some toiletries.

He had his hands in his pockets, and a rather sheepish expression.

"Sorry about this again," he said as he got in the cab. 

Amy shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Pipe breakage didn't cost too much damage did it?"

Jake smiled upon receiving Amy's concern. "Nope. And I don't even have to pay the plumber."

 

* * *

 

"Wow," Jake muttered as he entered Amy's apartment. "Cool place, simple and-"

"Yeah you don't have to pretend this place is nice. I just moved in here so most of my stuff is still in a storage unit. Too busy to properly move everything in here yet so, I've only got the essentials."

Jake nodded. "If you want I could help you move in. It's the least I could-"

"Oh, there's no need. My brothers are coming over next month, so I'll definitely be getting more help than I even need. And I haven't seen some of them in a while since they settled down with their families. The more stuff I have that needs moving, the more time we can spend together."

Jake smiled, dumping his bag on the couch. "I didn't know you had brothers. It's sweet that you want to keep them around like that."

Amy looked down shyly. "Well, I'm perfectly capable of moving in on my own, but sometimes it's hard not to miss those seven-"

"You have  _seven_  brothers?!" Jake exclaimed with wide eyes and a shocked expression to boot.

It made Amy chuckle. "Yeah, it was real crowded growing up. Anyway, we should get to sleep soon. It's been a long day."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Jake agreed with a yawn. "It's been many,  _many_  long days."

Amy smiled and walked toward her bedroom. "I'll get you some spare blankets and pillows."

"Aw, how sweet. And here I was, thinking I was supposed to sleep in the freezing cold."

Amy rolled her eyes. But when she had her back turned from Jake she started smiling again.

 

* * *

 

Amy woke up sometime in the late morning from uninterrupted sleep. Having no work that day, she had turned off her alarm. It was nice to feel truly refreshed for once after a long time of infrequent and short naps. She stretched her arms and put on a bathrobe before leaving her room to brush her teeth in the bathroom. No way was she letting Jake see her in an old shirt and extremely short shorts. 

As she walked out of her room however, she realised that Jake was still fast asleep. She smiled involuntarily, leaning over the sofa to watch his face. 

It wasn't out of affection of course.

Erm, she was just staring at his face to see if he'd do anything weird like... make stupid unhinged faces so she could get him back on all the "blackmail" he had against her.

Yeah,  _that._

But he didn't look at all unhinged. Jake looked peaceful and happy as he slept. He had on a more relaxed version of the usual shit-eating grin that stretched to the corners of his face. 

Just then, Jake moved and Amy was sent into a moment of panic in which she jerked back away from the couch. To her relief, he wasn't awake and she dashed towards her bathroom as quietly as her legs could carry her, brushing her teeth a little too hard.

When she returned to the living room, Jake was up and rubbing his eyes free from sleep. The spare blankets she had lent him were messily rolled up at the far end of the couch. Jake had a classic case of bedhead, but somehow it wasn't bad, and somehow worked for him. 

"Morning Santiago." He croaked as he looked up at her with a sleepy smile. 

Amy smiled back. "Morning Peralta. Coffee?"

"Sure, why not?"

Jake got up and paced towards the kitchen to receive his coffee.

As Amy turned around to hand him his cup, she froze, her eyes widening. 

"Why, is there something on my face? My shirt?"

Then Jake looked down and realised what Amy had been looking at.

"Oh yeah, I sleep in my boxers. Sorry, if it's freaking you out I'll go find my shorts."

"-no Jake it's fine. Sorry it's just- mornings! Haha..." Amy gulped her coffee awkwardly, almost choking on it.

Jake had on an expression that was half-confusion and half the face he usually made when teasing her.

"Okay... I'm still going to put on pants. Doing that right now." 

"Yeah, good idea, yeah."

Thankfully, Jake ignored Amy's awkwardness and struck up conversation like a normal person once they were done with their coffee.

"So, what do you want to do?"

Amy shrugged. "I don't know. What do  _you_  want to do?"

"Wanna watch a movie? We could make popcorn, have breakfast... it'd be nice."

Amy nodded. That did sound nice. "What movie should we watch?"

Jake immediately broke into an excited grin. "Die Hard!"

" _Die Hard?_ " Amy asked skeptically. "Why do you want to watch Die Hard?"

Jake gasped immediately, in an extremely exaggerated manner. "Why do I wanna watch  _Die Hard?_  Oh, I don't know, it's only the  _best cop movie of all time._  Come on Amy!"

"Excuse me?" Amy crossed her arms. " _Training Day_  is the best cop movie of all time."

Jake scoffed, again in an overly exaggerated manner. "Are you kidding me? Training Day? Okay that's  _it-_  we're going to have a movie off. I'm going to prove that Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time."

Amy shrugged. "Not if  _I_  prove that Training Day's way better."

"Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and put in the movies, I'll go make popcorn."

"But I don't have Die Hard."

Jake looked like he was on the verge of collapsing. "You don't even  _have_  Die Hard?!"

Amy grinned. Riling Jake up like this was really fun. She made a note to disagree with him on things he cared way too much about more often. 

"Nope. Why would I have Die Hard if I don't like it? Also, I don't have popcorn. Ran out."

Jake sighed, shaking his lowered head with his arms akimbo. "Oh, Amy amy amy..." He looked back up at her. "Okay, here's the plan. You will go out and buy Die Hard and a  _huge_  bag of popcorn while I will stay here and make us some breakfast. Then we'll play Rock Paper Scissors to decide which movie to see first- _which I'll totally win by the way-_  sound good?"

Amy folded her arms with a slight smirk. "I'm not sure if you're to be trusted not to burn my kitchen down.  _Also,_  I'm going to win Rock Paper Scissors this time."

 

* * *

 

Amy arrived back to her apartment with a Die Hard DVD, and a gigantic bag of popcorn. To her surprise, Amy inhaled a pleasant smell of assorted breakfast foods. It caused her to make a beeline for the kitchen.

"Oh my god."

Jake turned around. "Why, what's wrong?"

"This all looks  _amazing_."

Jake, who had looked slightly worried at first, now had on the smuggest of grins. "Well my mom worked a lot, so you don't spend that many mornings in solitary  _without_  learning how to make a decent breakfast."

Amy had on a very sympathetic smile.

" _-also,_  I've stuck around for many morning-afters making breakfast, so I got good over time." Jake said with a wink.

Amy rolled her eyes. " _There_  it is."

"Anyway, food's done. Get ready for the best breakfast of your life."

To Amy's utter disbelief, Jake's breakfast did prove to be one of the best breakfasts she'd ever had. 

It was simple, mostly. Just eggs, bacon, and buttered toast. Jake claimed that there weren't enough ingredients for him to work with in Amy's fridge.

But then every element of the meal was done so  _perfectly_. Amy moaned in satisfaction as she took almost every bite.

"Woah Amy. Are you having breakfast or sex?"

Amy looked on the verge of blissful tears. "This is  _so_  good. I can't believe you can actually  _cook_. _Jake Peralta_  can actually cook."

Jake chuckled. "I don't know if that's meant to be an insult or a compliment, but I'll take it. Making you breakfast is the least I could do anyway since you let me crash on your couch."

"I'd punch all your pipes if it would give me this breakfast everyday."

"Aw, threatening to destroy my apartment? That just  _warms_  my heart, Amy."

 

* * *

  

Of course, Amy insisted on doing the dishes immediately after they were done eating.

"Come on, Amy. Why can't we just watch the movies first  _then_  do the dishes? Like  _normal people_."

Amy smiled. "Because bacteria gathers quickly. Besides, I'm not expecting you to help. And doing the dishes is the least I can do- since I'm about to prove that Training Day  _trumps_  Die Hard."

Jake gasped. "Oh,  _no no no-_  you've got it the other way round Santiago- I'm about to prove that Die Hard kicks Training Day's  _ass_  and you're doing the dishes to delay the  _inevitable_."

 

* * *

 

They played Rock Paper Scissors to decide whose movie to play first. This time, Amy won and she made sure to rub it in as hard as she could. 

"Who's the King of Rock Paper Scissors _now_ , Peralta?"

Jake crossed his arms childishly. "You got lucky-"

"This whole game is _centered_ around luck and chance!" Amy huffed in annoyance.

"Whatever. Let's get the mediocre movie over and done with first."

Amy threw popcorn at Jake, which he then proceeded to eat as deliciously as he could.

 

* * *

 

"So, thoughts?" Amy asked as she turned towards Jake after the movie ended.

"I gotta admit it's not bad- but Die Hard is still _way_ better so get ready to have your mind blown."

In the end, Amy still thought that Training Day was the best cop movie of all time, and likewise Jake was similarly convinced about Die Hard.

"Wanna watch another movie?" Jake asked after they had resolved the cop movie debacle and agreed to disagree.

"Sure. We still have way too much popcorn left."

Jake smiled. "Good. I get snacky." He got up and stretched. "Should we watch a good movie to blow our minds, or a bad movie and play drinking games?"

Amy let out a light chuckle. "I like the bad movie idea. But all my movies are good and I don't have alcohol in my fridge."

"Well, let's go out and get some booze and crappy movies then." Jake got up and made a beeline for the door.

"Not until you get properly dressed!"

 

* * *

 

Jake put on a pair of jeans and a random t-shirt he had in his overnight bag. Amy tried to ignore how figure-hugging his shirt was.

They took Amy's car to the nearest DVD store to choose some crappy movies. After picking about three of the worst looking movies with terrible synopsises, they headed to the nearest store that sold booze.

"Jake?" Amy and Jake turned around when they heard the familiar voice of Gina.

" _Hey Gina!_ " Jake enunciated with wide eyes as he shut the fridge, six pack of beer bottles in hand. He had not expected to run into Gina here. This was going to be awkward.

"Hey." Amy greeted quietly.

"What are you two doing here? Aren't you two supposed to be working?" Gina asked very skeptically.

Jake gulped. "We just closed a huge case so we were given the day off." 

"Huh," Gina said with squinted eyes. "And you two decided to spend the day together?"

Amy swallowed nervously.

"Pipe in my apartment broke. So I crashed on Amy's couch." Jake explained. "We had just split a cab so she was the most convenient choice."

Gina crossed her arms. "Okay. And you two decided to _continue_ hanging out?"

"Yeah. We're friends so we decided to watch a bunch of crappy movies and well there's a drinking game in there somewhere but we haven't figured out the rules yet." Jake explained. Being referred to as his friend made Amy smile.

"Wanna join us?" Jake offered.

"Yeah, you can totally come with us." Amy agreed. 

Gina shook her head. "Nah. I don't like being the third wheel on dates." 

Then she walked away.

" _We're not dating!_ " Amy said, throwing her voice towards Gina in a rather delayed reaction. 

"Yeah! _Just_ friends!" Jake chimed in.

"Again, _don't care!_ " Gina yelled back, not even bothering to turn around.

 

* * *

 

Before long, Jake and Amy had settled back in on Amy's couch with a ton of beer on their hands.

The entire time, Jake and Amy never really figured out a proper set of rules to their drinking game. The rules differed from movie to movie.

_"Drink every time this crappy actor says 'like'!"_

_"Drink every time they pan to the street and show random cars driving!"_

The rules also became much dumber as they got drunk. Also, the more drunk they got, the louder and more rambunctious they got too.

_"Drink whenever that guy smiles!"_

_"Drink whenever there's people on the screen!"_

Eventually, they got so rowdy that Amy's neighbors called the cops, thinking that something had happened to their otherwise usually quiet neighbor.

There was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" Jake yelled as he made a beeline for the door.

"Hey Amy guess what? _It's Rosa and Charles!"_

Rosa and Charles had never looked so shocked.

"Aw they came to visit us! That's so sweet!"

Jake took in the shocked looks of Rosa and Charles. 

"What's wrong? Is there something on my face? My shirt?"

"Is this Amy's apartment?" Rosa asked.

"Yeah! I crashed on her couch last night because a pipe in my apartment burst."

"Why didn't you call _me_?" Charles asked, sounding slightly offended.

"Because I wanted to see _Amy_. And some other excuse about her being the closest since we just split a cab or whatever."

Rosa and Charles exchanged looks. 

"What are you two doing here again?"

Rosa sighed. "It's been boring as hell at the precinct today. We jumped on the first thing we could to get out of there."

Amy was still playing their drinking game, laughing as she did at the bad movie.

"Anyway, just keep it down. Neighbours called complaining about you two. Said you were too loud."

Jake nodded, although they weren't sure if what Rosa had instructed got through to him.

"You two don't wanna join our game?" Amy called out from the couch.

"Nope. We still have work. See you two tomorrow."

And then Rosa and Charles left.

 


	6. Laughing Gas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While helping Amy bust a drug dealer, Jake gets punched hard in the jaw which puts him in a dental emergency. Jake gets put on laughing gas, which makes him say some incriminating stuff.

Jake and Amy were hungover in the morning, which was a given seeing how much alcohol they had both ingested the night before.  
  
Amy was groaning over her desk, unable to attend to important paperwork because of her throbbing head.  
  
Just then, Rosa walked over and lightly slammed Amy's desk with a hand. It made almost no impact, but given Amy's current state, it was as if Rosa had set off an earthquake.  
  
"Ow!" Amy whined as she gripped the sides of her face.  
  
"So how was your day off?" Rosa asked with a sly smile. "Had fun? Partied?"  
  
In response, Amy gripped the sides of Rosa's leather jacket, leaning her cheek against the cool surface.  
  
"Ah..." Amy cooed in relief.  
  
Rosa crossed her arms. "This is weird. Let go of me."  
  
Amy only shook her head in response, causing Rosa to roll her eyes.  
  
It was at this moment that Jake chose to walk in a few minutes late as usual, but that day he had on a pair of sunglasses and two coffees.  
  
He lightly set one of the cups on Amy's desk, prompting Amy to detach herself from Rosa's jacket and her hands to charge at the coffee, gripping it for dear life as she sipped it.  
  
Jake cracked a smile looking at Amy's frankly rather deranged demeanour. He took a sip of his own coffee as well.  
  
It made Rosa sigh inwardly as she shook her head. She had never seen Jake this weird over a girl ever, not to mention someone from work. It was amusing to watch but also a little pathetic for Rosa's taste.  
  
"So Jake, did the pipe in your apartment get fixed?" Rosa asked to spark some conversation, because that was less awkward than the alternative: her walking back slowly to her desk.  
  
Jake's face jerked up in surprise to face Rosa when he heard her voice. Great. He hadn't even noticed she was there.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Pipe finally got fixed yesterday. Thanks for asking."  
  
Rosa cleared her throat pointedly when Jake turned back to look at Amy again. _God_ , was he still drunk?  
  
"Yeah?" Jake asked.  
  
"Sarge wants the paperwork for the arrest you two did before lunchtime. So sober up and get it done."  
  
Jake nodded. "Sure thing Rosa. And, I'm _already_ sober, so don't worry."  
  
Jake motioned to sit down at his desk, nearly missing his chair and almost falling down in the process.  
  
Rosa snorted. "Sure you are."

 

* * *

  
After many cups of coffee, Jake and Amy finally managed to get a sense of themselves to properly start on their paperwork.  
  
Jake handed his paperwork over to Amy for checking as usual.  
  
"Wow, there are not that many mistakes today, surprisingly." Amy remarked as she looked through Jake's work.  
  
He beamed. "Are you proud of me?"  
  
Amy rolled her eyes. "I'd be proud if you didn't need me to _check_ your paperwork in the first place."  
  
Jake chuckled. "You're proud of me. I know you are."  
  
Amy sighed. "No I'm not. And you're being weird."  
  
Her words expressed annoyance, but Amy was still smiling.  
  
"Oh am I? Bet you really miss your old partner then."  
  
Amy snorted. "Surprisingly, I do not. My old partner was a lazy ass that sat on his butt all day and made me do all the work. He was less of a partner and more of a _dead weight."_  
  
Jake had on a very amused expression. "So you like me better than your old partner?"  
  
"Yeah. You're way better compared to him."  
  
Jake grinned a little more widely than he usually did. Amy had never talked about her old partner before.  
  
"You do realise I just tricked you into admitting you like me? As a partner?" Jake added that last bit for good measure.  
  
Amy rolled her eyes as she handed the paperwork over for Jake to sign first.  
  
"Well, let's just say I was entertaining your weird need for validation."  
  
"Nope, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. You, Amy Santiago, _love_ having me as a partner." Jake quickly initialed his signature and handed the papers back for Amy to sign.  
  
"I did _not_ say that."  
  
Jake stared for a prolonged period of time as he watched Amy sign.  
  
"I had no idea how long your signature took."  
  
Amy chuckled, speeding herself up.  
  
"Shut up. I'm just being thorough. Having a complicated signature is better than a simple one that _anyone_ can copy."  
  
She was making a dig at Jake's signature, which just looked like a weird scribble.  
  
"Oh yeah? Try copying my signature then." Jake slipped over a rough piece of paper to Amy, who had finally finished signing.  
  
She looked up at him competitively. "Fine. _I will_."  
  
Jake had on a light smile, which only got wider and wider the longer Amy couldn't replicate his signature.  
  
"Wow, you are _really_ bad at this. Who knew the security of my signature was so air-tight?"  
  
Amy pressed her lips together. "Shut up. I can do this."  
  
"I'm afraid not Santiago. Because if I let you do this any longer I'll have to arrest you for attempting to forge someone else's signature."  
  
Amy groaned. "Fine, you win. How'd you get your signature to be so hard to copy anyway?"  
  
Jake grinned. "I'm afraid I can't tell you that Detective. Trade secret."  
  
Amy scoffed lightly. " _Whatever._ "  
  
Amy's desk phone rang just then, cutting their conversation short.  
  
"Hello?" Amy answered as she picked up the phone.  
  
It was her C.I. calling. Amy was given information about a drug dealer living in her C.I.'s apartment complex, which greatly thrilled her.  
  
"He's a big guy though, so I'd suggest you don't go alone."  
  
"Got it. Thanks."  
  
Then Amy hung up the phone.  
  
"Who was that?" Jake asked. "You look happy."  
  
Amy beamed. "My C.I. just gave me the drop on a drug dealer in his building. Wanna come bust this guy with me?"  
  
Jake smirked. "Aw, you like me so much you want me to come pick up some teeny drug dealer with you? I'm touched."  
  
Amy rolled her eyes. " _No_ , I'm asking you to come with because I was told that this drug dealer's a pretty big guy and my C.I. told me to get some backup. But you know what? I can handle it on my own."  
  
"Nope! No take-backs. I'm coming with." Jake snatched up the paperwork on Amy's desk and dumped it on Terry's, before grabbing Amy's wrist and dragging her to the lift.

 

* * *

  
"So what's this guy's name?" Jake asked as they made their way towards the dealer's door.  
  
"William Matthews."  
  
"Ugh, _boring_."  
  
"I know," Amy agreed. "Maybe _that's_ why he started dealing drugs."  
  
Jake cracked up, but composed himself when they reached William's door.  
  
"William Matthews? NYPD, open up!"  
  
There was a moment of silence before Jake and Amy heard the smashing of a window. They reacted immediately.  
  
"We've got a runner! He's getting out through the fire escape!"  
  
"I'll cut him off downstairs." Amy instructed. "You go through the door."  
  
Without a moment's hesitation, Jake kicked down William's door and Amy sprinted towards the stairwell. William was already running down the fire escape, but Jake did his best to catch up.  
  
Thankfully, Amy was a fast runner and had reached the bottom of the fire escape with her gun outstretched.  
  
"NYPD! Freeze!" Amy exclaimed.  
  
Unfortunately, she was too close to William when she made this threat, causing him to quickly shove her. The shock of this attack caught Amy off guard, causing her to fall on her side.  
  
"Hey!" Jake yelled. He motioned to attack William but on instinct William punched Jake in the jaw.  
  
"Ow!" Jake too fell over, but this distracted William long enough for Amy to whip her baton out and get a good hit in William's knee. He fell over, and Jake got up to place hand cuffs around William's wrists.  
  
"William Matthews, you are under arrest. You have the right to maintain silent."  
  
After calling for backup to get William taken back to the station, Jake and Amy searched his apartment and found several kilos of drugs hidden away in various places.  
  
"Hey I found another one!" Jake called out to Amy, his speech garbled.  
  
"Nice- oh my god _Jake!_ Your teeth!" Up until this moment, Amy had not seen the state of Jake's injuries, having been slightly caught up in the arrest.  
  
"Why? Is it bad?" Jake asked, looking around for a mirror.  
  
"You broke a tooth. And lost another tooth. _And_ you're bleeding." Amy brought her hands up to her face in guilt.  
  
"Does it look badass?"  
  
Amy was conflicted between wanting to laugh and wanting to roll her eyes.  
  
"I'm so sorry I didn't notice before! Jake, you _need_ to go to a dentist."  
  
"What? It can't be _that_ bad." He finally found a mirror and looked into it. "Oh god. It's bad."  
  
"It must've happened when he punched you." Amy remarked, still in mild shock.  
  
"Yup. Got me _real_ good in the jaw."  
  
"Crap. Let's get this back to the station quick. I'm taking you to the dentist."

 

* * *

  
  
Amy took responsibility for paying for Jake's dental treatment, as she felt bad for kind of dragging him along for the arrest in the first place.  
  
"I mean, I kind of forced you to take me. It wasn't your fault."  
  
Amy was having none of it. " _I don't care._ As your partner, it was my responsibility to make sure you didn't get this hurt."  
  
Jake shrugged. "Alright, fine. Not like I had the money to pay for this anyway. I haven't been to the dentist in _years._ "  
  
Amy's eyes widened in shock. "Years? Jake, we're supposed to go twice a year!"  
  
As a result of Jake's dental neglect, he had more issues other than a broken tooth and a completely missing one.  
  
"He has four cavities. All of which require immediate filling."  
  
"Oh god," Amy sighed. "Okay, just give him all the treatment he needs. I'll pay for it."  
  
"I'm sorry Amy. What can I do to make it up to you?" Jake asked as he lay on the dental chair.  
  
Amy smirked. "I wanna film you while you're high on laughing gas."  
  
Jake groaned. " _Ugh,_ fine. But prepare to be disappointed because I'm going to have absolutely _no_ reaction and you'll just film me in my usual suave and charming state. With the exception of a few broken teeth."  
  
Amy smiled. "We'll see."  
  
Amy had her phone's camera ready and waiting to film Jake's embarrassing moments while high on laughing gas. Things were funny, at first.  
  
"Ooh, _sharp_. Are you trying to murder me?"  
  
Any chuckled, trying to move as close as she was allowed to to get a better shot and clearer audio.  
  
"Mr Dentist why is your nose so big? _It's alive!_ It's running away! Catch his nose!"  
  
Amy cracked up laughing. This was going to embarrass the crap out of Jake later.  
  
Then Jake noticed Amy. "Oh look it's a pretty lady."  
  
Amy felt rather flattered hearing Jake say this.  
  
"You think I'm pretty?" Amy asked, wanting as much blackmail material as she could get.  
  
"Oh look it's Amy! Yeah, Amy's so pretty. The prettiest girl in the world-"  
  
Then the dentist started inserting drills into Jake's mouth and other sharp tools, drowning out whatever Jake said next.  
  
Amy didn't know how to feel about this. Jake calling her pretty was one thing, but the _prettiest girl in the world?_ What was that supposed to mean? And what was he about to say after that?  
  
Amy knew Jake would expect her to show him the video she took later, so there was no escaping that. But how was she to approach this?  
  
Eventually, Amy settled on embracing the whole thing, deciding to own what Jake said and use it to tease him.  
  
After waiting for what seemed like hours, Jake finally emerged from the dentist's office.  
  
"Hey," He greeted. "My face is so numb. Is it still there?"  
  
Amy laughed. "No, the dentist got annoyed looking at it and cut it off."  
  
"Haha, _very funny._ " But Jake quickly turned to the nearest mirror to confirm that his face was still intact, causing Amy to laugh even further.  
  
"Come on, I already paid so let's go back to the precinct."  
  
In the car, Jake turned to Amy in exaggerated concern.  
  
"So, how bad is the video?"  
  
Amy both froze and laughed simultaneously.  
  
"See it for yourself."  
  
Jake cringed heavily as he watched the video, freezing up a bit when he heard himself go on about Amy's beauty, and only relaxing when the dentist interrupted him.  
  
"God damnit. I'm never coming back from that."  
  
Amy chuckled. "Yeah, I'm never letting you off for all that. You sounded like an idiot. Also, who knew you found me so _pretty?_ "  
  
"Oh, shut up. That's... that's nothing. _Everyone_ thinks you're pretty. Ask anyone at the precinct. It was just an observation. Like _'oh Amy has hair on her head'_ is an observation."  
  
Jake was being kind of awkward, flubbing his words here and there. Amy decided to drop it. After all, she had to admit she found Jake rather handsome or pretty too, and had been slightly attracted to him when they first met.

 

* * *

  
  
Jake, however, insisted on proving that he wasn't the only one who thought Amy was pretty. He brought Amy around to different people around the precinct to confirm this.  
  
"Jake, this is all very unnecessary. _And weird._ Let's get back to work."  
  
Jake shook his head. "Nope, I need to do this."  
  
There was something weirdly flattering about Jake wanting to prove to Amy that everyone found her attractive. No matter how embarrassing it was.  
  
No seriously, it was _so_ embarrassing.  
  
They first visited all the low-ranking officers, who were congregated in small groups talking amongst themselves.  
  
"Hey! Can I have everyone's attention please?" All the cops looked up at Jake. Amy wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury herself. Too bad the floor was reinforced with concrete.  
  
"Hi. I am Detective Jake Peralta, and this is Detective Amy Santiago. Who here finds her attractive? Just, show of hands. No consequences. Just your honest opinions."  
  
Slowly, almost all the cops in the room began to raise their arms one by one. Jake randomly did a head count with a smile.  
  
"And, wow! That's pretty much all of them. See, what did I tell you?" Jake said as he turned to Amy, who was on the verge of death. "Okay, hands down and back to work. Sorry to disappoint, this was _all_ just to make a point to Detective Santiago over here and none of you get to go out with her. Bye!"  
  
Jake then grabbed Amy by the wrist and ran off towards the elevator.  
  
"Okay, you proved a point. But what was that 'none of you get to go out with her' thing all about? And can we get back to work now?" Amy asked.  
  
"Nope. Also, I was just protecting you from unwanted advances. Did you _want_ to go out with any of them?"  
  
" _No_ ," Amy choked, turning to face away from Jake. "I was just wondering."  
  
"Yeah, I'm _also_ going to ask the other detectives to admit that you're pretty so that I am not alone in saying so. Let's start with Rosa!"  
  
Amy rolled her eyes but let herself get dragged along by Jake.  
  
"Rosa, what's up?" Jake said with an amiable smile.  
  
"How was the dentist?" Rosa asked.  
  
"Good," Jake replied. "But _not_ why I came over. See, at the dentist, Amy kind of took a video of me doing embarrassing stuff, which included me claiming that she was pretty."  
  
"And I'm involved because..?"  
  
"Because _I_ need to prove that everyone thinks _she's_ pretty, so that me saying so makes no difference."  
  
Rosa sighed.  
  
"So Rosa, do you think Amy is pretty?"  
  
Jake's eyes were pleading Rosa to say yes.  
  
"As much as I would like to screw you over and say no, I'm not a monster, so I'll just be honest and say yes. Santiago is pretty."  
  
"Yes!" Jake cheered with a fist pump.  
  
Rosa looked up at Amy. She was positively brimming with happiness.  
  
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"  
  
Amy nodded slightly. "Maybe. _A little?_ "  
  
Rosa shook her head, smiling slightly as Jake and Amy left.  
  
"Those two are _so_ gonna do it."


	7. Jimmy Jabs The First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Amy knew it, it had been close to a year since she joined the Nine-Nine as a Detective. It's the year 2008, and she should be in the midst of investigating a case. But President Ahmadinejad from Iran has come to pay a visit, so they're all on duty in case of any protests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's my take on the first Jimmy Jab games! hope you guys enjoy this, it's my longest chapter yet haha also please comment and tell me what you think loving the comments so far and they keep me driven to write so thanks for all the feedback <3

"Ugh," Jake groaned as he stretched back in his chair for what seemed like the thousandth time. "This is so boring."

Amy looked up from her desk, seemingly unamused by this display.

"Of course it's boring. Jake, you've been doing _nothing_ for the past hour. 

Jake immediately leaped to his defence. "Hey, _hey now_ \- I was solving my Rubik's cube." He lifted it up and showed it to her. "Like it? I just got it. So how's that for 'not doing anything?', hmm?" 

"Yeah, Jake. I saw you playing with your Rubik's cube. Which is equivalent to doing nothing. I stand by what I said." Amy shrugged, her eyes shifting back to her computer screen.

"Hey-" Jake pointed a finger at Amy, his eyes widened. "Solving this Rubik's cube is part of my awesome detective training. _But_ I don't expect the not-awesome to understand."

Amy smirked. Uh oh. That meant she had a good comeback. "If you're so 'awesome', why do you need further detective training in the first place?"

Jake sighed. "Because I'm not allowed to put any of my detective skills to use right now. Because of this stupid motorcade duty! _Ugh_ , I hate that we're not allowed to leave."

Amy took slight pity on Jake. She knew how he loved being on the move, jumping from case to case. "Well, you could use this time to get some paperwork done. That's what I'm doing."

Jake sighed. "Amy, motorcade duty or no motorcade duty, you're _always_ doing paperwork. You like that stuff. I, on the other hand, do _not_. And let's say I did do my paper work, what happens then? We'll still be stuck here, with even more of nothing to do." 

Amy ignored him. This served to really bug Jake.

"Amy? Santiago? _Hello..._ "

Amy glanced up at him when he seemed to be on the verge of causing a huge disturbance. Because the more of those she could prevent, the better. 

"I'm ignoring you until you finish your paperwork."

Jake groaned. "Ugh, you can't manipulate me like that. Santiago... Come on, talk to me."

"I will once you finish your paperwork."

Jake sighed. "Fine. I'll do it. But this is on you, Santiago. You're gonna find something for us to do when we're done with our paperwork, promise?"

Amy let out a low chuckle. "Promise. And you can't half-ass your paperwork, okay? It's gotta be _good_."

" _Fine_." Jake said in a resigned voice.

 

* * *

 

Within the next two hours, Jake was done. 

"Are you kidding me? You had more paperwork than me!" Amy was shocked, and the look on her face made doing all the paperwork worth it.

Jake leaned back slowly in his chair for dramatic effect. "Well, guess I'm just that efficient Santiago. Looks like someone beat you at the paperwork game."

Amy rolled her eyes. "It wasn't a _game_ , Jake. But in any case, I don't believe this. Scoot over, Jake. I'm checking your paperwork."

"Oh, Santiago. You don't trust me?" Jake said as he placed a hand on his chest to further exaggerate things.

"No, I don't." 

Jake smirked. "Prepare to be blown away then. _Behold_ \- my perfect paperwork."

Amy sighed as she scrolled through Jake's paperwork.

"I don't believe this." Amy said as she shook her head. "There aren't any mistakes! Why aren't there any mistakes Jake?"

Jake smirked at Amy, obviously satisfied that he had caused- _whatever this was._

"There aren't any mistakes because I don't _make_ mistakes, Santiago."

Amy made a face at him.

"Yeah, sorry, even I knew that was too far. I checked everything like _three times_. That's why there's no mistakes."

Amy sighed with a light smile. If Jake wasn't wrong that smile contained a tinge of pride and maybe even admiration.

"Gotta hand it to you Peralta. You can really bring it when you need to." 

Jake never looked prouder than he did in that moment. "Aww, thanks Amy. As glad as I am that you're proud of me though, this perfect paperwork crap is _probably_ a one time deal. Doing all that paperwork perfectly in record time almost _killed_ me. So, can we go find something that's _actually_ fun to do now?"

"Actually, I'm not done with my paperwork yet. So as _glad_ as I am that my partner decided to pull his weight paperwork-wise for once, you're gonna have to wait for me."

Jake groaned. "Aww come on, Amy! Aren't you supposed to be the queen of doing nerd stuff? Now what am I supposed to do?"

Amy grinned. "Beats me."

Jake sighed for a prolonged moment, his voice variating with anguish. "Fine. But in protest, I'm going to eat my bagel."

The bagel in question was slightly stale, having been completely forgotten about by Jake since he had bought it yesterday, with Jake only noticing it when he was moving stuff around on his desk whilst doing paperwork.

"Enjoy."

Jake took a cautious bite of his bagel. It was still good, but not great, y'know? He looked up, trying to decide if it was worth getting out from his chair to check if anyone had left anything good in the fridge.

Jake looked over at Amy. Yup, she looked no where near done. A small part of him wondered why he was so insistent about hanging out _with Amy_ and wanting to goof off _with Amy_ when there were clearly many people in the precinct that were definitely more willing to mess around with him than her. 

Jake tried not to think about that, getting up to check the fridge as a distraction. The fridge turned out to be empty, which sucked. One look over at the food-stained mess that were Hitchcock and Scully's desks led Jake to understand instantly why the fridge was such a ghost town. In fact, Scully had fallen asleep as a result of his food indulgence. 

Defeatedly, Jake shut the fridge door in resignation as he began the ten foot journey back to his desk. Amy was still not done with her paperwork.

Why did he care? Why did Jake care whether Amy was done with her paperwork or not? And why did he do all his paperwork perfectly and in record timing all because she agreed to find something more fun to do with him afterwards? Amy was most of the time in objection with regards to his laid-back attitude at work and all his fun little shenanigans. Yet all Jake wanted to do was get her involved, show her every new unproductive activity he was up to, just so he could see her roll her eyes at him, chide him, get that twinkle in her eye that meant she secretly wanted to partake in whatever he was doing, or best of all- seeing her succumb to her fun-loving side and shamelessly join him in this and or that.

It was the challenge, wasn't it? Maybe. Yeah. Amy was the most high-strung and the least laid back, so successfully pulling her out of that zone was more rewarding than getting Charles or Rosa to mess around, right? 

This way of thinking felt slightly forced and not an accurate deduction of the whole picture, but it was the one Jake was sticking with at the moment. 

Because amidst all his messy, crazy thoughts, Jake had come up with an _amazing_ idea.

Scully's mouth was currently slightly agape as he snored, indicating that he had been napping for roughly ten to fifteen minutes. 

Jake made a mad dash for his desk, grabbing his last bagel _(his only bagel, but it was technically the last of three bagels since he ate the first two yesterday)_  before grabbing a paper plate to put the bagel on and then rushing back to where he was standing before.

He turned to Charles first. 

"Hey Charles, come over and check this out!" He whispered, beckoning his friend over with an inviting hand, prompting Charles to rush to his side, before he turned to Rosa. "Rosa, you too."

"Good, I'm so sick of doing paperwork. What's this about?" She asked as she made her way over to Jake.

"I'll explain soon. Amy! Get over here!" 

Amy looked up at Jake upon hearing her name being called. 

" _What?_ I'm still doing paperwork."

"You have _all day_ to do your paperwork, Amy. This, on the other hand, is a once in a lifetime experience."

Amy gave him a look.

"Okay, I'm overselling it. But get _over_ here!"

"Fine." Begrudgingly, Amy walked over as if in resignation, but a closer look at her face revealed that twinkle in her eye that meant she was actually excited to see what Jake was up to. The effect it had on Jake's insides was embarrassing, so to speak. 

Once Amy had made her way over to them, Jake began to explain his brilliant game.

"How many bagel crumbs do you think it'll take for me to get one inside Scully's mouth?"

Rosa snorted. "Nice. Make him choke on the crumb so he wakes up. That's what I wanna see."

"I'm thinking... fifteen." Amy said, seeming to have had pondered over this.

"I'm just excited to see you play Jake."

Jake smiled. "Thank you Charles. Okay, so without further ado-do, let's commence the first ever game of... Bagelball."

Charles chuckled. "Bagelball. _Nice_."

Exhaling as he peeled his half-eaten bagel for its crumbs, Jake acted like he was a professional basketball player in the NBA preparing for the finals.

"And... here we go." 

Without a moment's hesitation, Jake began to systematically toss bagel crumbs at Scully's mouth, the rest holding their breath in anticipation for his success.

It was surprisingly captivating, keeping them on their toes waiting for that golden crumb to land in Scully's mouth. Also, they were all desperate and starved for entertainment.

And then Jake did it. The crumb entered Scully's mouth, and he had woken up from almost choking on it. It was a beautiful sight to behold, despite the grim fact that they could have _very_ well killed Scully.

"Nice!"

"You really did it!"

High fives and rounds of applause were given generously to Jake for his frankly meaningless achievement.

"That was great, wasn't it?" Jake asked, before turning very specifically to Amy and gesturing at her. "Admit that it was great!"

Amy smiled with a gentle warmth, nodding her head in acknowledgement. "That was great. And really fun to watch. But it's back to work now-"

"Wait!" All of a sudden, Jake was struck with another great idea. A bigger and better one. "What if we turned this into a full blown game? A game event! Like the Olympics- _but better._ "

Amy snorted. "You can't be serious, Jake. The Olympics are-"

"It could be in honour of that king-"

"President." Rosa corrected monotonously.

" _President_ Armen... Jeenah..." He had on a constipated look because of his complete and utter inability to pronounce the man's name.

"President Ahmadinejad."

"We could hold a game event in _his_ honour! Since he's the reason we're all stuck here. And since his name is just _impossible_ to pronounce, we'll call our thing the... Jimmy- _the Jimmy Jab games!_ "

Rosa nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Sounds fun. But how are we going to do it?"

"I think it's a great idea Jake." Charles interjected. " _I'll drop everything to help you._ "

"Thanks Charles, but there's no need. I already have someone else in mind- I'm calling my friend Gina. She's _great_ at coming up with elaborate games and all that stuff so she can plan _everything_. Give me an hour guys. Santiago, you can go back to your paperwork that you love so much. But in exactly one hour- _give or take a few minutes because I don't actually know how long it takes to set up elaborate game events-_ you all better _get_ your asses ready for the Jimmy Jab games! Are y'all in?"

"I'm in." Rosa said with an amused smile.

"You know I'm always in, Jake." Charles said with a sort of wonder about him.

"Thanks Charles." Jake turned to Amy. "It's now up to you, Santiago."

She smirked. "I'm in. I get to finish my paperwork without you bugging me for a while, and since the Sarge isn't cleared for duty due to his broken leg and McGintley can't care less about what we do- get ready to have your _ass_ kicked in the Jimmy Jab games Peralta."

Jake had a look on his face that could only be perceived as wonderment- his arms were folded and he was nodding his head up and down.  

"Okay okay okay... nice. Let's bring it on then."

Minutes into his call to Gina, Jake had his childhood best friend on board and pumped to plan- for the most part.

"Oh em _gee_ , Jake. I love this. Thank you for asking me to plan this! And paying me two hundred bucks to do it."

Jake stopped short there. "Um, Gina? _When did I say I was going to pay you?_ "

"Jake, if we weren't such good friends I would've added another zero to the back of that sum. I'm _already_ being too kind."

"Okay- unfortunately I _do not_ currently have two hundred dollars on me. But, what I _can_ do instead is give you the number of any cop you find hot in my precinct. 

Gina seemed to ponder this for a moment. 

"Fine, Jake. You've got a deal. Be glad that I'm such a great friend. I'm on my way."

"Yes! Thanks Gina, you're the best!"

"Duh. See you later. The cops at your precinct better be hot Jake."

"Yeah, you got it. Could you _also_ get a bagel, vodka, and a lighter while you're on your way? I just had an _awesome_ idea for the opening ceremony of the Jimmy Jab games."

"Okay I'll go get a _bagel_. I always have vodka and a lighter on me, Jake."

Jake chuckled. "That's my girl. Make it snappy, Gina!"

"Hey- don't tell me how fast or slow I'm allowed to be."

Jake gulped. "I apologise and take back everything I've said?"

Gina laughed. "That's my girl."

 

* * *

 

Gina reached the precinct within half an hour after the phone call, armed with a small bag of bagels and whatever else she had in her bag. 

"Hey Gina! You made it. Guys, Gina's here!" Jake announced.

"Hey Jake. Okay- so I've got all the games planned. It's going to be three mini games and a final round between two people that decides the champion. I just need to know how many people are playing so I can decide how many people are getting eliminated each round."

"Wow, Gina. That's _amazing_! How'd you plan everything so quickly?"

"Come on Jake. You hired the best."

Jake chuckled. "I sure did." He turned to face the rest of the precinct. "Hey, who wants to play in the first Jimmy Jab games? I know that me, Boyle, Diaz, and Santiago are in- who else wants to join?"

Including Scully and Hitchcock, a total of 7 people had raised their hands.

"Nice! Eleven players." Jake remarked as he did a quick headcount. 

"So three eliminated every round. Just give me like thirty minutes Jake. And get me some cops to help with set up."

Jake nodded. "Okay, who's free to help my friend Gina set up for the Jimmy Jab games?" 

"Come on, Jake. This isn't going to be on a volunteer basis. _I'm picking._ " She walked toward a group of cops that seemed to fit her standards. "Okay. You, you, and... _you_. The rest can skedaddle. Bye."

 

* * *

 

True to her word, Gina had gathered and prepared all the things needed for the Jimmy Jab games. Jake got everyone gathered in the room. 

"Okay guys. Everything's ready. There's just one small issue we haven't figured out. What's the grand prize for winning?" Gina asked Jake.

They were all gathered in the briefing room, all those taking part in the Jimmy Jab games of course. 

"Do we _need_ a prize?" Someone asked.

" _Of course_ we need a prize. What's the point of playing if there's no prize?"

"Any suggestions guys?" Jake asked. 

Just then, Amy had on the widest of smiles as an idea struck her.

" _Guys_. I have a very embarrassing video of Detective Jake Peralta _while_ high on laughing gas. Winner gets a copy of the video and is allowed to do _whatever_ they want with it." Amy looked pointedly at Jake, who looked horrified at this proposition.

"What? Oh, come on Amy. No one cares about that. It's a terrible prize... right guys?" Jake appealed desperately. 

"Nope. I think it's a _fantastic_ prize." Rosa said with a smirk. 

"Yeah, me too." Gina interjected. "All those in favour of Jake's embarrassing laughing gas video as the Jimmy Jab games prize say 'Aye'."

"Aye." Variations of differing levels of excitement echoed throughout the room. It seemed everyone was on board with this idea.

"Wait-" Jake interrupted. "What if I _don't_ want anyone getting their hands on that video?"

Amy gave him a smug smile. "Well I guess you're going to have to play for it, Peralta. Defend your pride. What's left of it, anyway." 

A determined look was immediately plastered on Jake's face. "Oh, you're on Santiago. _You're on_."

After Jake's simple opening ceremony in which he lit a bagel on fire before dropping it into a trash can thereby setting the contents of the trash can on fire- _the Jimmy Jab games commenced with its first round._

"Okay everyone listen up-" Gina began as she paced carefully in front of all the players. "This is the first round of the Jimmy Jab games. As you can all see, you have all each been given a stack of unwanted paper, and have eleven recycling bins lined up exactly five feet away from each of you. Your _mission_ is to fold the unwanted paper into paper airplanes and throw them into your own personal bins which have been carefully labeled. You are all now standing on a red line made from tape I found lying around on someone's desk. I forgot who the tape belongs to, and neither do I care."

"It's my tape, Gina. You used my tape." Amy interjected.

"Okay, whatevs. _Anyway_ \- you all need to make sure you don't go over the red line. Failure to do so will result in _instant_ disqualification from the games. You have five minutes to throw your paper airplanes into your recycling bins. Anything that is _not_ a paper airplane will not be counted. If no one gets disqualified for breaking the rules, the three players with the lowest scores get kicked out of the games. Now on your mark, get set, go!"

Instantly, everyone dissolved into a paper airplane folding frenzy, which was a fun sight. Gina was pleased with her work. 

In the end, Scully as well as two other cops who couldn't fold a paper airplane to save their lives were eliminated from the first round.

"Okay guys. The _incompetent_ hath been flushed out. Now we move on to the second round. This game is a test of speed, wit, and tenacity. Contestants must each take a trip to the vending machine and purchase a snack. Hide the snack on your person before returning to the group. The aim of the game is to buy a snack that no one else bought. Should you buy the same snack as someone else, however, you must then engage in an eating contest where only the fastest snacker gets to stay in the game. The game continues until three people have been eliminated."

One by one, everyone left to buy their snacks in secret, hiding them in their pockets or on the insides of their jackets when they returned.

"Okay, everyone. Now it's time to reveal your snacks!"

As it turned out, Hitchcock as well as two other cops had gotten the same snack.

And so did Jake and Amy. Who both had gummy bears.

"Damnit Jake! Why'd you have to get gummy bears?"

"Hey- I _like_ gummy bears! Why'd you get gummy bears? You _know_ how much I like them!"

Amy groaned. "I panicked, this was an impulse buy!"

Jake crossed his arms and shook his head in disapproval "Nope, not buying it Santiago. You wanted to sabotage me, didn't you? Make sure I can't defend my video."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, because I am _so_ confident in my speed eating skills! I definitely guzzle sweets down like my life depends on it on a daily basis!"

"Hey- now that's just mean, Amy. _Although very true._ And encouraging because I know I can _totally_ win this!"

"Okay, okay. Keep it down Chitter and Chatter." Gina finally said to shut them up. "Hitchcock, Jones, and Stevenson are up. May the fastest eater win. Go!"

Obviously, lacking the practice Hitchcock had for snacking, Jones and Stevenson lost miserably and Hitchcock advanced to the next round.

It was time for Jake and Amy's matchup.

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Amy lamented quietly to herself.

"You should, Santiago. Because _I'm_ going to win. And you're about to lose to _Hitchcock_  since you're going to be eliminated before him. How does that feel?"

Amy looked with hardened eyes at Jake. "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched, Peralta. I could still turn this one around. Then you'll _never_ be able to stop your laughing gas video from reaching the masses."

Amy didn't manage to turn it around. Chewing twenty gummy bears at once proved to be too much and just as Amy was on the verge of spitting the fructose syrup dump out of her mouth, Jake had won.

"So sorry you lost, Santiago. Guess eating candy has its merits after all."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Whatever Jake. I'm the least of your worries. I've seen the laughing gas video _countless_ times already."

"Aww you have? I'm touched San-"

"And that's _all_ we have for the second round! Please shut up so that I can proceed. This third round is very important as it is the last and final round before the _actual_ last and final round. Like all previous rounds, this game will eliminate three participants, leaving only two finalists to go head to head in the finals."

Gina paused to let everyone cheer, before continuing.

"Contes-"

Just then, the door to Captain McGintley's door opened, revealing the thickset man.

"What's going on here?"

Jake turned to face him with a cheerful grin.

"Jimmy Jab games?"

Captain McGintley, feeling assured that he had done his job by checking up on his subordinates, accepted this. 

"Okay." 

"Anyway, contestants will be blindfolded and randomly led to various areas of the bullpen. They will also be spun ten times each to disorient the players. I will then command all of you to look for a common item found in the room and to hand it to me for checking. Only the first two to succeed will move on to the final round, and the rest will be eliminated."

The game was carried out like Gina had instructed, and pretty soon all five players were blindfolded, had been spun ten times each, and were also in different areas of the bullpen. 

"On your mark, get set- hand me a briefcase!"

Jake had to count himself lucky. After some awkward pawing around he had managed to procure a briefcase belonging to someone- he had no idea who. Of course, he wasn't any faster than Rosa, who really gave him more unneeded pressure to succeed by getting a briefcase and handing it to Gina in record timing.

"Okay and Jake got the second briefcase! Sorry to the other players, but you're all out. Jake and Rosa advance to the finals!"

Cheers sounded left and right, mostly in the favor of Rosa of course. During the game, Charles had fallen over a few times and was nowhere near a briefcase, whilst Hitchcock never got any further than the pillar that had been in front of him when the game had started. The other cop that got eliminated also faced similar pitfalls.

Gina called for a short break to do some final set up for the finale, which gave Jake and Rosa time to do some... mental preparation.

"So what do you say, Rosa? Should we do some stretches, trash talk each other, get in the zone for the finals?" 

Rosa shrugged. "Do whatever you want. Nobody even cares who wins."

Jake let out a sound of disgust. "I care! I have my dignity to protect, just so you know- and all those people out there who want to watch me get embarrassed are _obviously_ rooting for you. So _yeah_ , a lot of people care who wins." 

Rosa chuckled. "Hell yeah they're cheering for me. Oh yeah just to make sure- this is the video where you called Santiago pretty which made you get all weird and force everyone to call her pretty, right?"

"Yes, Rosa. That's the entire _point_ of me fighting to keep that video under wraps. So knowing that- could you like, lose to me on purpose?"

"Haha- _fat chance._ Knowing that just makes me want to win even more. Who knows, people might start making fun of you and Santiago-"

Then Gina called for everyone to gather, and Rosa walked away, leaving her sentence unfinished.

"Make fun about us for _what_?"

Rosa only ignored him.

Jake pursed his lips and made frustrated sounds as he followed her. "Aw come on, Rosa!"

"Okay, you two. These are the following stages of our final showdown: First, the race starts off with both of you getting on equally bad roller chairs- and without using your hands or your feet, get from the front of the Captain's office to the _elevator_. After which, contestants are to take the elevator to the first floor and cause a minor commotion in front of a random cop and get themselves handcuffed. Then, contestants must make their way back up, fill up and drink two entire cups of water without using their hands. This will be proceeded by a maze on the roof. The catch is- the maze is made of nets and players must crawl under the net and find a box containing the key to unlock their handcuffs. Like all mazes, there are _dead ends,_ and of course- not all the boxes contain keys. Upon finding the correct key, free yourself from your handcuffs and run back down to the bullpen. The first person to sit back down on their roller chair will be declared the _winner_ of the Jimmy Jab games!"

"Yeah!" Everyone cheered wildly with excitement.

"Okay, if there are no further questions- on your mark, get set, go go _go_!"

Instantly, Jake and Rosa each made mad cool dives for their roller chairs to give themselves a good head start. The moment the momentum ran out (which was fast, given the quality of the chair) however, Jake and Rosa looked really dumb trying to force their chairs to move bit by bit. It was slightly pathetic. But funny.

In the end, both of them reached the elevator at the same time and had to take the lift down together.

"You might as well give up now, Diaz. _Because I'm winning this thing._ "

"Nope." Rosa simply said as she dashed out the elevator, rushing into the first room of cops she could find (that contained no civilians of course).

"If someone doesn't put me in hand cuffs right this instant- I'm going to start shooting."

Shuddering, the cop nearest to her handcuffed her immediately, and she was already out the door by the time Jake had made his way over.

"Aw, really? _Come on!_ " Jake lamented as Rosa passed him with the slightest of smirks. 

Jake hadn't even came up with a plan to get himself in handcuffs yet, so he had to improvise. 

He pushed the nearest box of doughnuts he saw on the nearest desk onto the floor, and lifted his shoe on top of it.

"Cuff me or your doughnuts are _goners_."

He was handcuffed immediately. Sadly, he was still behind Rosa and was losing.

"Go, go, go, go!" Everyone was cheering when Jake had gotten back to the bullpen. Rosa was already in the break room, chugging down her first cup of water without using her hands.  

"Come on, come on..." Jake said nervously to himself as he filled up his cup and bit the edge of it to drink.

"Ah! Hot water, hot!" Too driven to complete the task of filling up the cup for his own good, Jake had made the stupid mistake of pressing down on the hot water dispenser instead of the cold water. Hot water was down the front of his shirt, possibly melting his skin and doing permanent damage.

"Nuh uh Jake, that cup of water doesn't count any longer because you spilled it. Start over, dude."

Jake groaned in frustration, as Rosa was already filling her second cup of water and he was still feeling pretty scalded by the hot water.

By the time cold water first hit Jake's lips, Rosa was already out the door.

"I can still turn this around, I can still turn this around..." Jake muttered as he made his way to the roof. Thankfully, Rosa was still in the middle of the net maze. 

"Aha! I could still win this thing Rosa!" Jake mused as he crawled under the net.

"Found the key!" Rosa announced almost immediately.

"Damnit!" Jake cursed as he searched desperately for his box. He found it in record timing, but by the time he got the key out the box Rosa was already free from her handcuffs. 

"Haha- suck it Jake! See you downstairs."

"No!" Jake made his moves quick, unlocking his handcuffs with the key in his teeth. 

He dashed down the stairs, but by the time he had reached the bullpen, Rosa had been settled back nicely into the chair with a subtle, yet very obviously smug smile. 

It was then that Amy showed back up, through the elevator doors.

"I'm back! Did Rosa win?" Upon confirmation of this, Amy seemed to be over the moon. "Yes! Suck it, Peralta! Rosa kicked your ass, I knew it!"

Amy had disappeared some time during the third game _(not that Jake was taking note of course, nor had he missed her and secretly wished for her to taunt him before the final round about how he was totally going to lose to Rosa)_ , and came back just in time to witness Jake's complete loss to Rosa.

 

* * *

 

"Alright everyone, gather round. The movie's about to start! Grab your popcorn!" Gina announced. 

"It's not a movie- just a short video clip!" Jake argued, albeit rather weakly. He turned to face Amy, who was finally by his side again. "So that's where you were just now? Getting the video from your phone into a CD?"

Amy nodded. "Yup. I only regret not getting to see Rosa absolutely _own_ your ass during the finals."

" _Hey_ \- it was definitely a neck and neck situation. I was _this_ close to winning."

Amy gave him a patronizing look. "Yeah. _Sure_ _you were._ "

Jake laughed. "Hey! I swear it's true. By the way, just one small thing-"

Amy looked up at him now. "Yeah, what is it?" 

"Just by chance- you didn't leave that bit of the video where I call you pretty and stuff, did you?"

Amy gave him a reassuring smile. "Nope. That part... that part's just for me."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Capturing The Vulture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a plan to defeat the Vulture fails, the detectives decide to play a little Lie-Detector Truth or Dare

Jake and Amy had been working long and hard on this murder case for the past few months, being extremely thorough with their investigation too. They had fingerprints, witness accounts, and finally, even surveillance footage. They had Tate Madison dead to rights and they were looking forward to putting him away for a long time.

"So after we wrap up this case- wanna like grab a dinner together? Y'know, celebrate?"

Amy looked up from her computer with curious eyes. "Don't we usually go to Shaw's to celebrate? Drunk styles?"

Jake pursed his lips. "Yeah, but this case is bigger than just a few drinks at a bar we  _always_  go to. C'mon, we'll go some place fancy, tell the waiter or waitress we just put a murderer away to get special treatment- it'll be fun!"

Amy took a sip of coffee as she smiled. "Is it just the two of us?"

"Unless there's a third person working on the Madison Murders case with us that I'm not aware of- then yeah, just the two of us."

Jake was very nervous at this point. His heart was pounding against his chest as he struggled to breathe, although he tried not to show it. He knew very well that he was kinda basically shamelessly asking Amy out on a date without explicitly asking her out on a date, and he hoped she wouldn't notice and figure out that he liked her or something.

Because yeah, Jake liked Amy. He had for some time, and each chance he got to spend time with her, he took it always and revelled in being around her every single time. Being with Amy was intoxicating, in a sense. He loved talking to her- be it about a case, personal things they shared once in a while, dumb stuff that they held over each others' heads as a form of blackmail, and mundane things that didn't matter like what coffee to get or what to have for lunch. 

He even loved not talking to her. Those silent moments when they had to go on a stakeout- Jake may have sneaked a look too many at her face as she stilled in concentration, or lit up when she caught sight of something pertinent to this case or the other. Man, Amy was too beautiful. _Way_ too beautiful, if that were possible. It was frustrating because Jake couldn't get over how absolutely gorgeous and enrapturing she was. 

"I'm in. But only if you wear a suit- since we're going someplace fancy to celebrate. A _nice_ suit."

Jake was caught off guard by Amy's response, but he managed to pull himself together in time to form a response of sorts. 

"Oh, and here I was thinking I'd get to wear my corduroys."

Just then, Jake and Amy's casual discussion was interrupted by Terry and Rosa rushing over to their desks in a flurry.

"Guys- Major Crimes just called. The Vulture's coming over to take over your case!"

"What?" Jake exclaimed. "Didn't Pembroke get transferred out of Major Crimes? Or is there a new Vulture in town?"

"Who's the Vulture?" Amy asked. She was very confused by all this.

Everyone looked at Amy in awe.

"Man, I wish I had that innocence. What I'd give to not know the Vulture..."

Jake cleared his throat and began to explain. "You see Amy, there used to be this guy in Major Crimes called the Vulture. We call him that because he swoops in right before cases are solved so that he can take credit for himself. Obviously, he made our lives working here a living hell. A few months before you started working here, the Vulture got transferred to another department, meaning he couldn't steal our cases anymore."

"But now he's back?" Amy asked with worried eyes.

"Yup. And we're about to be his first victims."

Amy groaned. "Wait- so how do we stop him? From taking over our case?"

"We can't." Terry said dejectedly. "Major Crimes has jurisdiction to take over this case, so there's nothing anyone can do to stop him."

"Yeah," Rosa added. "We can only deal with it by yelling at him and drinking our troubles away at Shaw's after he strikes."

Amy huffed. "That sucks."

"Yup. Now we can't go for our celebratory dinner." Jake said dejectedly.

"Dinner?" Terry asked. "You two were going to go for dinner after the case?"

Jake felt his throat go dry.

"Wait!" Amy interjected. "I know what to do! Jake and I can go arrest Madison right now- since the Vulture's on his way here, he can't steal our case if we're not here to steal our case from, right? So while the Vulture waits for us to return, Sarge and Rosa can stall him. Tell the Vulture we went out for a coffee run or something. When we're about five minutes away from returning to the precinct with Madison in custody, suddenly reveal to the Vulture that we went to Madison's apartment. While he wastes time going there, realising we fooled him and then coming back- Jake and I will try our best to force a confession out of him. Is that a good plan?"

"Good plan? That's a great plan! We're so gonna beat the Vulture!" Jake enthused.

"I won't say that plan's airtight, but it's the best one I've ever heard. Let's take the Vulture down."

 

* * *

 

"Y'know, if we do end up beating the Vulture today, I think we have to celebrate harder. More than dinner." Jake remarked as they drove to Madison's apartment, where Amy's C.I. said she saw him enter.

Amy smirked. "How do we go harder than a fancy dinner?"

Jake shrugged. "Dinner and drinks?"

"So... Shaw's? Or do we get fancy drinks?"

Jake smiled warmly as he looked ahead at the busy roads of Brooklyn. "Anything you want."

They parked a safe distance away from Madison's apartment, so as not to spook the guy out.

"I think he's home," Jake whispered to Amy as they approached his door, with both their guns out.

Just as Jake was about to knock on Madison's door, a blunt force in the form of a boot kicked it down. 

" _Crap._ " Jake and Amy muttered in unison.

"Tate Madison, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say can be held against you in a court of law." Pembroke, or the Vulture, made sure to enunciate every word of this as he cuffed Madison and handed him off to officers he had brought along with him.

Jake and Amy were in shock. Had they taken that long to get to Madison's house?

Before he left, Pembroke turned to look at Jake and Amy with a sinister smile. 

"Guess who's back? Man, Peralta, must've been hard these last few years huh? With no one to help you crack big cases such as these-"

"We _already_ cracked the case." Amy interjected defiantly. "You just arrested the perp."

Pembroke turned to face Amy, unaffected by her would-be scathing words. "And who's this new doll? Peralta, you didn't tell me the Nine-Nine started hiring hotties again. Who was the last one? Diaz? Man she was hot too. Where's she now?"

"Diaz still works at the Nine-Nine. There isn't a limit to how many women can work at a precinct." Amy spat venomously.

Jake placed a hand at the base of her spine to steady her, calming Amy down slightly but then making her feel worked up in a different way.

"Anyway- if I'd known hotties like you were working at the Nine-Nine I'd have come back sooner. See ya." 

And with that, the Vulture turned around and left.

" _Ugh!_ I hate him so much more now that I've met him!" Amy yelled as she kicked the nearest wall.

"Tell me about it." Jake was seething, partly because they had been completely foiled by the Vulture, and partly because of how the Vulture hit on Amy and disrespected her. He would've punched the Vulture if it wouldn't cause him to get demoted terribly and honestly, he knew Amy would've wanted to punch the Vulture herself if they could.

"I don't see how he could have beaten us here! Didn't he say he was heading down to the precinct?"

Jake shrugged. "Maybe someone tipped him off. Let's go back. Maybe the Sarge or Rosa can fill us in on what happened."

Amy looked at Jake in concern. "Jake, you okay? You're acting strange."

"Sorry. I'm fine, I swear. I mean- as fine as getting our case stolen by the Vulture could be. We worked months on that."

Amy placed a reassuring hand on Jake's shoulder. "We'll defeat him one day, Jake. I promise. We'll come up with a plan to take him down."

Jake cracked a smile at that. "Will there be binders?"

"Oh, loads. There can't be a proper plan without a binder. Maybe that was our downfall today. No- correction. That _was_ our downfall today."

Jake chuckled. "Nice. Binders to take down the Vulture- _Santiago style_. Wanna grab coffee?"

Amy smiled. "I think I need more than just one cup of coffee to get me through that ordeal."

  

* * *

 

"Yeah, somehow someone tipped the Vulture off that you two had left the precinct to catch Madison. He didn't even bother to stop by the precinct, he just went straight for the two of you." 

Jake and Amy groaned as they heard that. 

"Well, you know what that means guys. We gotta get the lie detector out and interrogate everybody." Jake declared. 

But then no one turned out to be the mole that tipped the Vulture off. 

This left Jake sitting dejectedly at his desk for hours, thinking through everything.

Including- how the Vulture had ruined his dinner plans with Amy. 

Because other than the credit for the months of hard work Jake and Amy had put in, that was the only thing that the Vulture had taken away, right? Madison would still be put away, justice would still have technically been upheld, but now he couldn't have dinner and drinks with Amy. 

And that kinda bugged him a lot. 

"Hey Jake. We just found out that the Vulture had called Captain McGintley and he had told the Vulture that he saw you and Amy leave the precinct. Vulture put two and two together. We solved it. You wanna play Lie-Detector Truth or Dare?" Rosa asked.

"No," Jake replied as he fiddled with a stray crumb lying on his desk.

"What? You never say no to Lie-Detector Truth or Dare. Vulture really messed you up that bad?" 

Charles overheard the commotion and made his way to Jake's desk. 

"Oh, Jake. I hate seeing you like this. What can we do to make it better?"

"Nothing."

Terry walked over this time. "What's wrong with Peralta?"

"He won't play Lie-Detector Truth or Dare."

Terry gasped. "Jake, you _never_ say no to that game. You need to talk?"

Jake shook his head. 

Just then, Amy came back from the washroom. 

"What's going on?" 

"Jake won't play Lie-Detector Truth or Dare." 

Amy gasped. "Jake, you never say no to that game!" 

"I know." Jake simply replied. 

Everyone stood there in silence for a while, each thinking about how to pull Jake out of his sad shell.

Then Amy had an idea. 

"Jake, would you play Lie-Detector Truth or Dare if I played too?" 

Jake lifted his head up. "But you've never played Lie-Detector Truth or Dare!"

Amy smiled. "Today will be my first time then. But only if you play too."

_"Time to play Lie-Detector Truth or Dare!"_

 

* * *

 

"So how do you play this game?"

"We all take turns asking a question that everyone has to answer whilst hooked up to the lie detector. Of course, you've got to tell the truth, or the lie detector will bust you. If you get caught lying, you'll have to complete a dare assigned to you by the person asking the question. Get the game?"

Amy nodded. "Got it. Let's play."

Within the next few rounds, they had managed to uncover new weird and interesting facts about one another. They had also managed to catch a few liars and set humiliating dares here and there.

Amy's mild smoking habit got revealed in the process too. Of course, she lied when Rosa first asked the question about past and current vices. So not only did she have to fess up about having the occasional cigarette, she had to complete a dare set by Rosa. 

"I want you to go flirt with Officer Richards. And no stopping till he agrees to go out with you or rejects you."

Amy huffed. "Rosa, you know Richards is gay, right?"

Rosa smirked. "Exactly. I wanna see you flirt desperately with him so that you can get rejected. And you can't tell him that it was a dare. Also you have to follow a script that I will sent to you via text." 

Amy groaned. "Damnit! Where am I supposed to find him anyway?"

"Easy," Jake replied. "He's right over there."

Sighing loudly, Amy walked in dread towards Officer Richards.

"Hey, Richards." Amy said stiffly as she finally approached the officer.

"Hey. Detective... Santiago, right?" 

Amy's phone buzzed with a text. She cringed inwardly when she read it. 

"So... when are we going to do this thing?" 

Officer Richards looked confused. "What thing?"

Another buzz.

"Oh. Don't tell me you can't feel it." Amy read in a monotonous voice.

"Feel what?"

"Our... chemistry. Oh god. It burns so hot whenever we talk to each other."

Amy was hating every second of this. But obviously everyone else was enjoying it, and Jake was even taking a video.

"We've... never spoken before, Detective Santiago. Are you alright? Is something going on? And why do you keep looking at your phone?"

"Oh, we may not have spoken with words, but could you not sense my feelings through all the... hot eye contact we made?" 

"Hot eye contact? What- okay. I'm putting an end to this. Detective Santiago, I think you seem like a nice, albeit strange woman. But I'm not interested. Because I'm not interested in women in general. _Did no one tell you I was gay?_ I'm pretty open about it."

Amy sighed in relief. "Yes! He rejected me!" 

Amy skipped back triumphantly.

"Sorry Richards. I dared Santiago to flirt with you." Rosa explained.

"Oh. Don't worry about it. No wonder- I thought she was the world's worst flirter." Richards quipped with a smile, before turning to leave.

Jake was laughing as he replayed the video, to Amy's chagrin. 

"God, look at you! I have never seen anyone flirt so monotonously." 

Amy folded her arms. "Shut up. It was a dare- I just wanted to get it over and done with."

"You're so bad at flirting." Jake teased with a wide grin.

"You- _you're bad at flirting!_ And I don't flirt like that normally, okay. I was just following Rosa's script. By the way Rosa, thanks for telling Richards that was a dare. It would have been so awkward otherwise."

Rosa shrugged. "No problem. I didn't want to confuse Richards either, so- as fun as it would've been to embarrass you I decided not to mess with Richards in the process." 

Jake smirked. "Okay, okay. Gather back guys- it's my turn to ask the question now. And since I'm the last one up, get ready for a fiery end to the first game of Lie-Detector Truth or Dare Santiago has ever played." 

Everyone sat down in the circle.

"Okay- my question is: I have found Jake Peralta's face and or body to be attractive before and or currently. True or False?"

Everyone groaned. 

"Really Jake? Using this game for us to stroke your ego?" Amy said as she crossed her arms.

"Hey- you're allowed to not find me attractive. It's just about whether that's true or a lie."

"And I'm pretty sure Jake only cares about one person's answer anyway." Rosa said simply, earning her a glare from Jake.

"What-"

"Nope! Nothing! Rosa has no idea what she's talking about. Okay, get answering you guys. We don't have all day. Terry, you start."

"Okay," Terry said in agreement, hooking himself up to the lie detector machine. "I think for me it's a bit of True and a bit of False. I mean, Jake- you do have what most people would find a conventionally attractive face. Maybe even handsome. But body-wise... you need a better diet and exercise regime man. I don't ever see you eat anything healthy _or_ go to the gym. I could help-"

" _And-_ thank you Terry, that's enough for now. Started strong but began to hurt along the way. Also you're telling the truth. You're clear."

Charles went next.

"True. True all the way. Jake- you know I think that you have a model's face and body."

Jake smiled. "Thank you Charles. _Slightly_ weird but thank you. And you're telling the truth."

"Of course I was."

Jake turned to Rosa. "Okay Rosa. You're up."

"False." 

"Ouch."  

"Nothing personal, you're just not my type. I like psychos and freaks. You're a weirdo, but still mostly a normal dude for my standards." 

Jake nodded. "And you're telling the truth. I guess it's all down to you, Santiago. True or False?"

Amy looked nervous. "False." 

"That's a lie." Rosa declared as she read off the polygraph. Jake had been too busy staring at Amy to notice.

"Nice! Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy. You are such a liar! And who knew you were so attracted to me?" 

Everyone looked at Amy, wanting an explanation. 

"Fine- this was when we first met okay? You walked in and you had just caught some murderer. I thought you were kinda cute. _That's all._ "

Jake looked practically over the moon. 

"Jake- if you tell anyone outside of this circle about this I will kill you."

Jake smirked. "You know technically I can dare you to tell everyone that yourself, right?"

Amy glared at him. 

"I mean, I'm not saying I'm going to- but I could."

"Anyway," Rosa interjected. "So those are your thoughts on his face. What about his body?"

Amy sighed. "I have no thoughts about his body."

Everyone looked at the polygraph. "That's a lie."

"Ugh!" Amy groaned. _Why on earth did she agree to this stupid game?_

"Fess up, Santiago. You think I'm hot."

Amy rolled her eyes. "I didn't say that. I just... think you have nice arms. _Thought_ you had nice arms. That's all I'm going to say."

Jake was still all smiles. His happiness was so apparent it made everyone nauseous. It seemed only Amy didn't realise what Jake's happiness at her revealing attraction to him implied.

"Thank you for your honesty, Amy Santiago. Although you did make a few dirty lies first. I will now give you your dare."

Amy sighed. She was not looking forward to this. Knowing Jake, he'd probably humiliate her by making her tell all the cops in the precinct that she found him cute or something.

"I want you... to go tell Scully and Hitchcock that they are the most handsome detectives in the precinct and that you've had _huge_ crushes on them for the longest time."

Amy heaved what seemed to be a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god."

"Thank god? What did you think I was going to make you do?"

Amy ignored him, and went up to Hitchcock and Scully.

"Hey, Detectives. I just wanted to say that I think you two are the most handsome detectives in this precinct and I've had the biggest crushes on both of you for the longest time."

Rosa turned to Jake as they watched this.

"Y'know, from the way you were looking at Amy when she admitted to be kinda attracted to you once, I thought you would've dared her to kiss you or go on a date with you or something."

Jake chuckled. "Nah. That would be going too far. And now's not the time."

Rosa smiled lightly. "So- you've stopped denying having a crush on her?"

Jake shrugged. "I think my face gave it away."

Scully and Hitchcock looked smug as Amy "admitted" her "crush" to them. "No doy, Santiago. But we can't date you. We're married."

Amy chuckled. "That's great. Because I was dared to do this." Amy turned to face Jake with the biggest smile on her face. "You didn't say I couldn't tell them it was a dare! _Ha!_ "

Jake bit his lip, as he tried his best to feign disappointment at not getting Amy to not tell Hitchcock and Scully that she had been dared. Yet it was so hard, because Amy was being cute, too cute, and damn, how could he not have a crush on her when she did stuff like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked this :)


	9. Pool Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gina's dance troupe Floorgasm gets this gig in a hotel. Jake is invited and the gang's invited to a free weekend stay at the hotel, complete with a pool party.

Amy groaned as she finished the last of her paperwork. She looked up as Rosa walked over to her desk, passing her an arrest report for Amy to sign.

"God, I'm exhausted. I can't wait for the weekend."

Rosa nodded slightly in agreement. "What're you going to do during the weekend?"

Amy shrugged. "No plans yet. Was too busy this week to make any. But I'm probably going to get some sleep, catch up on doing laundry."

Rosa snorted. "That sounds boring. But I don't have any real plans either so I guess I can't judge."

Rosa sat down on the chair next to Amy's desk.

"I keep forgetting how long your signature takes."

Amy chuckled. "Yeah you're not the only one complaining. Jake always-"

"Attention everyone!" Jake announced as he walked back in the bullpen. "Okay, maybe not _everyone_ -"

"What's going on, Jake?" Charles asked inquisitively.

"Well, you guys know my friend Gina, right?"

Everyone affirmed this, some nodding their heads, some groaning.

"Anyway, Gina managed to snag a weekend long stay at this dope hotel because her dance troupe Floorgasm is performing there. Gina also said they got free rooms at the place because her friend Sheila is sleeping with the hotel owner. So Sheila's letting Gina invite people over to stay and party for the whole weekend. Guys- there's a _pool_."

"Cool," Amy remarked. "Have fun this weekend Jake."

"Actually that brings me to my point. Gina invited me- but I get to bring some of my own people along. Technically I'm allowed to invite whoever I want, but Gina was insistent that Terry and Rosa come to the party."

"Nice," Rosa said with a slight smile. "I'm in. Had nothing going on this weekend anyway."

Terry sighed. "Do I have to go? Last time I met Gina, she made some really inappropriate comments."

Jake shrugged. "Well she was very insistent that our super built sergeant join the party as part of the 'sex appeal'. Do you have anything on this weekend? Because it's a big place- you might not even run into Gina."

Terry shook his head. "My girlfriend's visiting her family this weekend. I guess going to this party sounds better than staying home alone."

"Alright, the Sarge is _in_!" Jake cheered.

"You bet your _ass_ I'm in. Get ready for Vacation Terry folks." Terry declared with an excited grin.

"I _literally_ can't wait for Vacation Terry." Jake remarked with a wide smile.

Jake looked at Charles next.

"Jake, if you'll have me you know I'll definitely be there."

Jake smirked. "Awesome! Always knew I could count on you, buddy."

And finally, Jake turned to look at Amy.

"Santiago, you got anything on this weekend?"

Amy had been fumbling through her arrest reports, wanting to seem busy before in case Jake had no intention of inviting her. It seemed Amy was wrong.

"Erm, no. Why?"

Jake gave her a look. "Come on, Santiago- were you not listening to my super important announcement? Here are the highlights- free hotel stay for the weekend, awesome pool party, and best of all- _my company_. Please say you'll come."

Amy smiled. "Sure."

Jake looked so happy at that moment that it was a little sad how much he liked her.

"Fantastic! Alright guys- finish up your work, go home and start packing. Don't forget your bathing suits! We'll drive up to the hotel in the evening."

And with that, Jake left. His shift had already ended an hour ago, and he had only returned to the precinct to invite his friends to Gina's awesome hotel dance gig that came with free rooms and pool usage for the weekend.

Amy turned to Rosa after Jake left, having finished signing on the arrest report Rosa had handed her.

"Do you think I'm even wanted at the party?" Amy asked.

Rosa rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me? Of course Peralta wants you there. He nearly died of happiness on the spot when you said you'd go. He even asked you last because you were the most important person he wanted to invite."

Amy blushed rather hard at that. "I meant Gina... I don't know if she'd want me there. After all, she told Jake to make sure you and the Sarge are going, not me. And I don't know if she likes me."

"Oh," Rosa said. "I don't know for sure if Gina likes you or not. But it doesn't matter. It's a big party anyway, and since it'll probably be full of strangers none of us know it's better for me that you go."

Amy smiled. "Thanks Rosa. That's really... nice of you. Also- I think you're exaggerating Jake's response to me going on this trip. He's probably just excited that he convinced someone like me who wouldn't usually go on spontaneous trips to join in."

Rosa scoffed. "Yeah right. Think what you want but at the end of the day anyone can see that Jake really likes you." She paused. "Just as much as you like him. Maybe even more."

Amy squeaked upon hearing Rosa's words, frantically looking around and hoping no one heard her. "How... how'd you know?"

Rosa rolled her eyes. "You two are painfully obvious. Anyone with eyes knows."

Amy gulped.

"See you later, Santiago. Bring a nice bathing suit. Maybe it'll mess with Jake so much he'll stop being an idiot and tell you how he feels."

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, Charles, Jake, Amy, Terry, and Rosa were gathered back at some parking spot near the precinct to decide how they were going to carpool.

"I could drive." Charles said. "My car's big enough."

Jake shook his head. "But your car has dogs in it a lot. And Amy's allergic."

Amy felt touched by Jake's show of concern for her wellbeing. It also confused her, because on one hand it could mean Rosa was right about Jake having feelings for her, but on the other hand, Jake could just be being a good friend to her, like he was to all his other friends.

It was one of the things Amy really liked about Jake. Despite his immature and carefree ways, he truly did care for his friends. He was always loyal, always wanting to help, and he was just a great and important presence overall. He was fun and loved cheering up those around him. Jake could walk into a room and the atmosphere would be uplifted by default. Needless to say... Jake Peralta was like human sunshine.

And Amy was getting dangerously close to falling for Jake. Day by day, with their every interaction- that danger, that risk, it only grew stronger.

She hated herself so much for it.

"Okay," Charles agreed with Jake, snapping Amy out of her thoughts. "Then we'll take Terry's car."

Terry shook his head. "Can't. Girlfriend borrowed it."

"Then Charles drive me and Terry- Jake can drive Amy." Rosa suggested.

This made Amy gulp. Her? Alone? With Jake in a car? This couldn't be good. Amy was sure Rosa was doing this on purpose.

"Sure," Jake agreed, looking just as uneasy as Amy. "Let's go."

Jake and Amy parted ways with Charles, Rosa, and Terry after that, silently loading their car with their bags.

"So-" Amy began as Jake turned on the ignition. "Big party later huh?"

"Yup," Jake said as he began driving. "Let's just say Gina and her dance troupe know a lot of people. Apparently Sheila- who's sleeping with the hotel owner that got us the free rooms and Floorgasm the dance gig- wanted to throw a huge party. So here we are."

"Here we are _indeed_. That hotel owner must really like this Sheila girl- I mean who would just randomly give away free hotel rooms?"

"I know, right? Girl has hella sex appeal, probably. The hotel owner freed up an entire floor of rooms, and Gina gave me five rooms. There's also going to be a bar at the pool. Wanna get hammered?"

Amy chuckled. "I will if you do too."

Jake's eyes widened in a pleasant surprise. "Alright, Santiago's feeling it!"

Amy laughed. "I am feeling it. Watch out world, _Vacation Amy_ is on her way."

Jake gasped in elation. "Yes! Oh my god I need to send Gina a _ton_ of gift baskets. This night's gonna be awesome! What's _Vacation Amy_ going to do that _Regular Amy_ wouldn't?"

Amy grinned, pondering over this for a bit. "Vacation Amy... lets people do _body shots_ off of her."

"No way!" Jake exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

" _So_ serious."

Jake shook his head in disbelief. "You'd even let... me? Do a body shot off of you?"

"Oh yeah." Amy said. " _Especially_ you."

Jake scoffed. "No way you're for real. You're just messing with me, right?"

Amy smirked. "Am I?"

Amy spent the rest of the car ride to the hotel bragging about crazy stuff she'd do during the party, slowly driving Jake crazy- because he couldn't help but picture Amy doing all those crazy things with him.

"No. No _way_ you'd go skinny dipping." Jake said, shaking his head profusely.

"Regular Amy? Probably not. But _Vacation Amy_ might."

Jake exhaled stressfully. "Santiago, you're killing me."

At that moment, Jake wanted nothing more than to call Gina and ask if the hotel had any private mini-pools so that he could go there with Amy and they could do all the filthy things she brought up.

And it made him feel sick, guilty even thinking of Amy the way he did. But he couldn't help himself, especially given the things she was claiming she'd do at the pool party.

"Why? Too chicken to skinny dip Peralta?"

Jake huffed. "Me? _Definitely_ not. I'm up for anything you're up for."

Amy tittered. "Looking forward to doing shots off your body then. Hope you're _bendy_ , Jake."

Jake almost crashed the car when she said that.

 

* * *

 

When they all reached the hotel a few hours later, Jake gave Gina a call so she could pick them up and take them to their rooms.

"How was the trip up here guys?" Jake asked to spark some small talk whilst they waited for Gina.

"It was _great_." Said Charles.

"It was okay." Said Terry.

"Charles put on weird music the whole time. How about you two?" Asked Rosa.

"Jake said he's gonna let people do body shots off of him and go skinny dipping." Amy interjected before Jake could get a word out.

Jake's face read betrayal as Rosa and Terry cracked up. "Really, Santiago? You're the one-"

Before Jake could say a word, Amy placed a finger on his lips and shushed him.

"I'm not sure I've got the body for skinny dipping like Jake does. But you two have fun." Charles said.

It made Amy and Jake tense up at Charles's assumption that they would skinny dip together and do body shots off each other. Even though they had basically spent the entire car ride daring each other to do exactly that. Amy took her finger off Jake's lips.

Just then, Gina arrived.

"Hey Jake!" She greeted as she strolled over, already decked out in a large floppy hat, huge sunglasses, and an orange themed floral two piece. It weirdly flattered her. Rosa even gave her a once-over.

"Sup, Gina? I brought the gang with me- and Terry and Rosa are here, as you requested."

Gina smiled. "Hey y'all. Ready to party?"

Everyone cheered.

"Yup," Jake added. " _Especially_ Amy over here."

Amy's eyes widened in shock. "Um, what?"

"Yeah," Jake emphasized. "She's a _real_ party animal."

"Really?" Said Gina. "Maybe we can be friends after all."

Gina showed everyone to their rooms, with everyone getting a room to themselves.

Jake's room was opposite Amy's, a fact Jake couldn't help but note. It was an insignificant fact though, as all the detectives had rooms either next to, opposite, or adjacent to one another.

After Jake got into his swimming trunks, he went to everyone's doors and knocked respectively.

He knocked on Charles's door first.

Charles was ready in a very colorful pair of swimming trunks completely different from Jake's plain white ones. Both trunks stopped at their knees, which Jake was grateful for since he genuinely feared that Charles would wear something crotch-hugging.

"Jake, you look great as usual." Charles remarked as he opened the door.

"Thanks Charles, you don't look too bad yourself."

They went to Terry's door next.

"Yeah, I'm having some 'me' time right now. I'll be down in an hour."

So they went to Rosa's room. She emerged dressed in all black.

"Damn Rosa you look-" Charles began.

"Say one more word and I punch you."

Charles shut up after that.

Jake felt a little apprehensive about going to Amy's room, not sure he could handle seeing Amy in a bikini.

Which was ridiculous. He wasn't a teenager with no experience anymore- he was a grown man who had seen _plenty_ of girls in their bathing suits.

Okay maybe not plenty- but he had seen at least a sufficient amount of girls in bathing suits.

And Amy was Amy, but Amy was still nothing he was supposed to be afraid of. Technically, she was just another woman.

An _insanely_ attractive and beautiful woman, but still.

Rosa knocked on Amy's door and it opened.

And then Jake couldn't breathe.

Amy was in a white, two piece bikini. It showed off her perfect figure and caramel-tinted skin wonderfully.

Jake still couldn't breathe.

Her hair was down, and she had put on a coat or two of light pink lipstick. She had on a shy smile.

Jake couldn't speak.

"Nice." Rosa said, stretching the word out with a smile. "You look dope."

"Thanks Rosa! You look great too."

Rosa nodded.

"Wait- why is it okay for you to compliment Amy but I can't compliment you?" Charles asked.

Rosa only gave him another look.

"Okay, I'll shut up."

"Good. Can we go now?" Rosa asked.

"Wait, where's the Sarge?" Amy asked, looking around.

"Resting," Rosa replied, as Jake had informed her before. She turned to look at him. "Jake, you've been really quiet since we saw Santiago. Anything wrong?"

Jake scowled at Rosa quickly before turning to Amy. Given the slight grin on Rosa's face, she so obviously knew what effect Amy in a bikini had had on him and was trying to screw him over.

Amy looked over at Jake curiously.

"Um, it's nothing. Amy you look great. Can we go now?"

Amy felt herself blush, which was a stupid reaction to an offhand comment from Jake that was probably only made out of politeness anyway.

 

* * *

 

Within minutes of reaching the pool, they had lost Charles who started flirting with the bartender. Jake predicted that Charles would go Full Boyle within the hour, get dumped, and he'd have to spend the night comforting him.

"So you're not going to get to hook up with random strangers tonight or Gina's friends?" Rosa asked.

Jake shook his head. "Neither was I going to hook up with random strangers that _are_ Gina's friends. And to be honest, I never intended to do any of that at this party."

Rosa smirked. "Yeah. You wanna hook up with someone you're already familiar with, don't you?"

Rosa's eyes flitted to Amy, who didn't notice. She had just had a drink and already seemed somewhat dazed.

"Come on, Rosa!" Jake whispered somewhat desperately. "Cut me some slack here."

Rosa shrugged. "Who cares? She doesn't even know what we're talking about."

"What?" Amy said in a rather confused state.

"See?" Rosa said as she gestured to Amy who was demonstrating her point perfectly. "Santiago gets spacey after a drink. Let's get her sobered up."

"Where are we going?" Amy asked.

"We're going for a swim." Jake said as he helped Amy out from the high chair she was sitting on.

After splashing pool water in Amy's face a few times, she was as good as sober and back to her normal state.

And then Jake spotted something incredible.

"Guys!"

Amy and Rosa turned around. "What is it?"

"There's a slide. There's a _slide_ in one of the pools! How did we not see this?"

Having made a beeline for the pool bar the moment they arrived at the party, none of them had noticed the mini pool slide that was located in one of the pools. (Of which there was a huge pool with a diving board, the kids pool with a slide, a few smaller pools and then a couple of jacuzzis. It was a big place.)

"No way!" Amy squealed. She had a secret penchant for the most childish of things at times, somewhat like Jake. Having grown up with seven brothers, she was always having to wait for her turn at the swing, her chance to go down the slide, and when her brothers tried to cheat her out of having a turn that was rightfully hers, she had to fight.

Rosa rolled her eyes somewhat affectionately at Jake and Amy. "You guys are weirdos. Have fun at the kiddie slide. I'm leaving."

"Aw, you aren't going to play with us?" Amy whined. Rosa shook her head.

"Have fun with Jake. You'll get to ride the slide as much as you want since there's basically no one there right now. You guys can have the kid-version of a _super_ romantic date."

Jake and Amy both made their own respective ' _please shut up!!_ ' faces at Rosa, before turning awkwardly to each other.

"So-" Jake began nervously. "Didn't know you'd be as into pool slides as I am."

Amy shrugged. "I guess I am. Who knew my hangups on having to fight with my brothers to play on playground equipment as a kid extended to pool slides?"

Jake chuckled. "Look at us. Claiming we'd do crazy stuff like body shots and go skinny dipping yet we're about to play on a slide like kids."

Amy laughed along with him. "Y'know, the body shots are still on the table. If you're still up for it. If you've got the _guts_."

Jake crossed his arms. Trash talking with Amy was serious business and he was not about to back down. Also he kind of wanted to do body shots with Amy. He was interested in doing all sorts of stuff with Amy.

Like- going on a date. And cuddling on the sofa whilst they watched crappy movies, making fun of them together. Eating bad takeout. And eating good takeout. Making breakfast for her (again) but instead of being outdoors buying popcorn and Die Hard on DVD like last time she'd have her arms around him, and kiss him good morning.

Which was all kinda romantic stuff and it scared him a little how much he wanted it all and how much he wanted Amy.

"Oh, I've got the guts. Do _you_ have the guts?"

Amy leaned in, just as Jake had, with her arms akimbo and her eyes just as squinted.

"Hell yeah I do. You wanna go play on the slide now?" Amy said, maintaining the same level of toughness throughout.

"Oh, _god_ yes."

They ran towards the slide, whooping and cheering like children. The pool with the slide was mostly empty, since there were no children around at that hour and for some strange reason, only Jake and Amy had succumbed to the temptation of a pool slide.

"You wanna go first?" Amy offered when they had reached the steps leading up to the slide.

"Of course. On the off-chance that this slide isn't strong enough or there's something wrong with it, it's best that I test it out first."

Amy felt her cheeks warm up. God, she was falling for him- and him doing stuff like this wasn't making things easier for her.

"Aww, Jake. That's so sweet."

Jake gulped. "Yeah, I mean- I'm heavier, so. I'm obviously the better test subject. Better for only one of us to get hurt than two, right?"

"Right." Amy said in agreement.

Jake took confident strides toward the steps, before going down the pool slide, screaming ' _whee!!!!'_ all the way. It made Amy burst into fits of laughter.

"Okay Amy, the slide's totally safe. Your turn!" Jake declared with a huge grin. He realised how stupid he had looked and sounded but the look on Amy's face as she laughed her head off at him made it all worth it.

"You looked so cute, I'm so sorry!" Amy said offhandedly as she kept laughing whilst she went up the steps.

Jake would've never admitted it, but he blushed a little. Just a little.

Amy went down the slide screaming ' _whee!!!!_ ' as Jake had. She slid down too fast however, and wound up with her face in the water.

Jake chuckled as she helped her up.

"You alright there?"

Amy wiped the water off her face.

"I think I slid down too fast."

Jake grinned. "You think?"

"Maybe I'm too light." Amy shrugged.

"Amy- this slide is for kids. But if you're so convinced you're not heavy enough we could ride the slide together."

Amy looked intrigued.

"Wouldn't that be dangerous though?"

"Not if we hold hands." When Amy's eyes widened in confusion Jake panicked and began to explain himself. "I mean, I used to do that _all_ the time when I was a kid. Gina and I would hold hands and slide down the pool slide. It was super fun."

Of course, that was when Gina and Jake were really young. And Jake didn't exactly see Amy the way he saw Gina.

"Wow really? Let's try that then. I'll help you relive your childhood."

"Yes, that _is_ why I want to do this. Feeling _very_ nostalgic." Jake was lying through his teeth, but Amy either bought it or didn't care because she took his hand in hers and they began walking up the stairs to the slide.

(Amy didn't care. She actually wanted to hold Jake's hand, as stupid as it felt because it seemed to be such a middle-school crush thing.)

"Are you ready?" Amy asked.

Jake nodded and they slid down the pool slide together, hands held firmly as they screamed together in ecstasy.

They landed in the water, a barrel of laughs when they emerged.

"I think I swallowed some water." Jake said as he choked, laughing as he did still.

Amy whacked him lightly on the back. "I think my face got hit by even more water than when I slid down alone."

Jake chuckled. "I know, right?"

"This was such a bad idea."

"Wanna go again?"

"Oh yeah, sure."

When they got bored of the slide, Jake and Amy started a spontaneous water fight in which there were no clear rules and no clear winner. They were just splashing water at each other and chasing one another around the swimming pool. Which at this point was empty except for them.

"You're going down, Peralta!" Amy said determinately as she launched pool water in his face.

"Not if you go down _first_ , Santiago!" Jake said back in the same tone, dashing away from Amy towards the pool slide.

"Come back here!" Amy screeched as she ran after Jake.

In doing so however, Amy slipped and nearly fell. Thankfully, she had caught up close enough to Jake that she managed to reach out for him as she fell.

With incredible reflexes Jake didn't even know he had, he caught Amy, spinning around as he did and steadying her with his hands around her arms.

"Are you okay?"

Amy nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just slipped a little."

They were incredibly close now, and feeling incredibly tense. Jake felt this urge to kiss Amy, and Amy felt that same urge to kiss Jake.

Although this was definitely not the first time either of them felt an urge to kiss the other, they had never felt the need to do so so strongly before.

Jake decided to go for it. He started to lean in.

"Jake!"

Gina's familiar voice immediately caused Jake and Amy to jump apart.

"There you are- I've been looking _everywhere_ for you, god." Gina groaned as she approached the two.

There was this unfamiliar girl next to Gina, which confused Jake and Amy.

"Hey Gina. What do you want?" Jake said, coming off slightly hostile.

Gina folded her arms. "Woah girl, what is wrong with you?"

Jake shook his head, composing himself.

"Nothing. I'm sorry."

"Anyway-" Gina continued. "This is Melanie. Remember her? She's Floorgasm's newest member. You saw her at Floorgasm's last dance practice. When I called you to get us all sandwiches."

Melanie waved shyly at Jake. She seemed enamored by him.

Jake did not remember Melanie. But he didn't want to be rude. "Oh yeah. Melanie. Of course I remember Melanie."

"Thing is, for some crazy reason, Melanie thinks you're cute. And because I'm a great friend and amazing dancer, I decided to introduce her to you properly. I'm setting her up with you."

"Oh." Jake said, confused. He looked over at Amy. She had on a straight face. Was she affected by this? "I don't know what to say."

"Say thank you! Duh! Also, I need to borrow Amy."

Amy looked shocked at this. "Me? Why me?"

"My friend Don thinks you're hot. Okay, he's less of a friend and more of an acquaintance who promised that he'd use his connections to get a lot of people to come to Floorgasm's performance tomorrow night. If I introduced you to him. So I know we barely know each other but you're Jake's friend so by extension you have to help me."

Amy looked perplexed by this. "Wha- what do you want me to do? I don't have to sleep with Don right?"

Jake looked slightly angered by this. "Of course not."

"Well I'm not saying you have to sleep with Don. I mean, if you did sleep with him that would probably work out great for me. Just flirt with him for a while, make him get bored of you. Which shouldn't be too hard for you I guess."

Amy wanted to feel offended but she couldn't bring herself to.

"Alright. I'll go talk to him."

"Plus, Don's not a loser or anything. He's like- a white Terry. Speaking of which, where _is_ that guy? Jake, you said he'd be here."

Jake shrugged. "He's having some alone time. He'll be down here soon. I think."

Gina sighed. "Whatever. Let's go, Amy."

And with that, Amy walked off with Gina, leaving Jake looking at her with a lingering stare.

Which was broken when Melanie spoke.

"So, you like kiddie pool slides huh? That's cute."

 

* * *

 

Gina was not wrong when she said Don was basically a white Terry. Dude was jacked, tall, and it honestly scared Amy a little.

"Don- this is Amy. Amy, this is Don. You two have fun, I gotta go."

Gina left Amy and Don with a sigh and headed back to the deck chairs where Rosa was waiting for her.

Rosa was halfway through her glass of scotch when she saw Gina returning through her sunglasses.

"Hey you're back. What was it that you had to do with that Melissa girl?"

"Melanie." Gina corrected as she lay back on the chair next to Rosa. "She's our newest Floorgasm member. I left to go set her up with Jake. And Amy was with Jake which was convenient because I had to set her up with Don."

Rosa sat up. "You did what? Gina- you shouldn't have done that."

"Why not? Don said if I set him up with Amy he'd get his entire dance school to go watch our performance. That's at least a few hundred students that are going to get _inspired_ , Rosa."

Rosa sighed. "Oh god, this feels so stupid and I shouldn't care but I'm going to say this. Jake and Amy are in love with each other."

"What?" Gina said, almost choking on her drink. "Since when?"

Rosa shrugged. "That I don't know. They've been super obvious about how into each other they are for months now. I managed to force it out of them somehow. But they're cowards who won't do anything about their stupid crushes. And now I think they're just going to be idiots for even longer."

Gina sighed. "Sorry, girl. I didn't know that. Jake didn't tell me anything. Which he will pay _very_ harshly for not doing."

Rosa smirked. "Good. You should knock some sense into him. It took months of denying his feelings before Jake even admitted to me that he liked Amy. And I kind of had to force it out."

Gina nodded. "How do you know so much about what goes on between those two?"

Rosa groaned. "I work with them. It's _painfully_ annoying and obvious. You would understand if you worked there."

"Maybe I should work there."

"I'll call you if a non-cop job opens up. But I'm telling you, watching Jake and Amy flirt thinking they're not flirting is the _worst_. I even started a betting pool with some of the cops at the precinct about when they'll stop being idiots and get together."

Gina chuckled. "Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. Who knew you were such a romantic?"

Rosa narrowed her eyes at Gina, though it was less intimidating because of the sunglasses.

"I am not a romantic. I just hate stupid idiots."

Gina chuckled. "Whatever you say, girl."

 

* * *

 

"Um, you know what? I'm sick of kiddie pool slides. You know what would be great? If we went to that jacuzzi over... _there_."

Jake pointed to an empty jacuzzi, which so happened to be nearest to the pool that Amy was talking to Don at.

"Aww, so we can be alone? How nice." Melanie cooed as she took Jake's hand and happily dashed there.

It made Jake feel very guilty, of course. Melanie seemed genuinely interested in him, yet all he could think of was Amy. How he could get close to Amy, how he could spy on Amy and that Don guy whom he hated for no reason except that he had found Amy attractive- which was a given, _obviously_ Amy was hot and anyone who thought otherwise was blind- and manipulated Gina to set Amy up with him.

God, Don was the worst.

Melanie and Jake arrived at the jacuzzi, with Melanie jumping in first and Jake taking a quick glance at Amy over by the crowded pool where she was talking to Don in. She looked uncomfortable, and Jake wanted nothing more than to go to her.

But he jumped in after Melanie.

"Hey, I'm feeling a little thirsty. You want anything?" Melanie asked.

"Um, get whatever you want and I'll have the same." Jake said with a nonchalant shrug.

 

* * *

 

"So, cool party huh?" Don asked nervously as he ran his hand across his hair.

"Yeah," Amy said awkwardly. "Super cool."

Just then, Amy heard Jake's voice, and that prompted her to turn around. She saw him- sitting in the jacuzzi nearest to the pool she was in.

"What're you looking at?" Don asked.

"Oh- um. I think this pool is a little crowded, don't you? Maybe we should go hang out in that jacuzzi. There's like, only one guy in there."

Don nodded. "Okay. Nice. Let's go."

Amy didn't know whether to feel guilty about her move to get as close to Jake as possible. She told herself she would feel safer having Jake around, which was true, but at the same time there was no real reason to be frightened of Don. He was being the perfect gentleman so far, not overstepping any boundaries or saying anything that would make Amy uncomfortable.

But before Amy let herself properly think through the consequences of her actions, she had climbed into the jacuzzi. Jake was still alone, and looked shocked yet somehow pleasantly surprised when he saw Amy.

As Don climbed in the jacuzzi, Melanie came back and the strangest thing happened.

"Steve?"

Surprisingly, Don looked up. "Melanie?"

Amy and Jake looked to each other in confusion.

"I'm sorry, but isn't your name Don?" Amy asked in bewilderment.

"My first name is Steve. I use my middle name- Donovan, for business. And by business, I mean people involved in the dance scene. Also my students refer to me as Don. I'm a dance teacher."

"Okay, Melanie how do you know Steve Donovan?" Asked Jake.

"I- we used to date."

Jake's eyes widened. Interesting.

"Aww, really? How'd you two meet?"

"At a dance recital-" Melanie shook her head, as if freeing herself from an onslaught of memories. "You know what? I don't want to talk about this. Jake, let's go some place else."

"No-" Amy blurted out impulsively, causing all three eyes to be on her.

"I mean- we should _all_ hang out together. It would be weird to run away from your ex right? Unless you still have feelings for him."

Melanie shook her head. "Nope. I have no feelings. I'm staying put."

Steve/Don looked a little hurt by that.

"Alright, that's great!" Jake said in an awkward celebratory tone. "Hey Amy, can I talk to you for a second?"

Steve/Don and Melanie looked panicked.

"Why?"

"Where are you going? Don't leave."

Jake gritted his teeth in a forced smile. "Sorry, Amy and I are coworkers. We're cops that work together in the same precinct. It just so happens that I totally forgot about this important _police_ thing that we were both supposed to do together. So- we'll be right back?"

"Oh yeah! Jake- that important _police_ thing. I almost forgot. Let's go."

Jake and Amy took off, grinning from ear to ear as they left Steve/Don and Melanie behind.

"So, what's up?" Amy asked when they were far, far away from the jacuzzi.

"Okay, let's be real here. Melanie and Steve Don totally still have feelings for each other, right?"

Amy nodded in agreement. "Oh yeah. Those two definitely have a lot of unfinished business."

"And I gotta be honest- I know Gina set me up with Melanie and all, but I'm not exactly sure I like her. Scratch that, I don't like her. She's nice and all, but I don't wanna date her or anything."

"Me too!" Amy said in what could be considered enthusiasm. "I don't like Don. Or Steve. He's been perfectly nice for a guy that kinda sorta manipulated Gina to introduce me to him, but I'm not into him."

"Oh, thank god." Jake said in relief. Then he realized what he had said. "I mean- thank god you don't like him, or my plan to get Melanie and Steve Don together would blow."

"Oh, yeah. We should totally get them back together. How do you wanna do this?" Amy asked.

There was a pause as Jake thought through this.

"We get them _super_ drunk."

Amy's eyes lit up. "Ooh, I like that."

"We get them super drunk, then make an excuse to leave again. They'll be making out and forgetting all about us in no time."

Amy grinned. "Great. Should we like go to the bar and get us all some shots?"

Jake pointed his finger at Amy in agreement. "Yes. That. Let's go get two exes back together!"

"So we don't have to be their awkward party dates!"

Jake and Amy went up to the bartender enthusiastically, each taking a chair to sit on.

"Hi. Can I make either of you a drink?"

Jake and Amy grinned.

"Hey. Random question- how many shots should one person do to get drunk enough to hook up with their ex?"

"Make out." Amy corrected. When Jake gave her a look, she explained herself. "We don't want them to get _that_ drunk. And we only need them to start making out to get them off our backs."

Jake nodded. "Okay." Jake gestured to Amy with his thumb. "What she said then."

The bartender looked confused. "Um, I'm not so sure. Four shots? Of tequila?"

Jake and Amy nodded.

"Okay. We'll take eight shots of tequila please."

" _Sixteen_ shots." Amy corrected again. "If we don't drink they're going to get suspicious."

"Right." Jake said in agreement. "Sixteen shots." He turned to Amy again. "Wait- can you handle four shots? I don't remember which Drunk Amy you become after four shots. I know one drink makes you spacey, two drinks make you super loud... that time you did five shots in a row you got super confident? What's Four Drink Amy?"

"I don't know!" Amy exclaimed, looking rather panicked.

"What if Four Drink Amy's an axe murderer? Wait, that'd actually be pretty cool-"

"Um, excuse me? Sorry I don't mean to be rude but I have other customers to serve." The bartender interjected awkwardly.

"Oh yeah. Hey look there's Boyle!"

Charles was sitting at the bar, several seats away from Jake and Amy, staring blissfully at the bartender.

"Oh hey Jake! Hey Amy!" Charles greeted after a prolonged pause.

"Wow he didn't even notice us." Jake whispered to Amy. "Must be really into this girl."

"I know, right? Can't believe he hasn't gone like, Full Boyle or whatever yet."

The bartender overheard them. "What's Full Boyle?"

"Oops. Busted. Let's take the drinks before they get too cold. Or too warm. I don't know what temperature drinks are supposed to be-"

"Jake hurry up! Let's go!"

They each held eight drinks in their hands as they carefully made their way back to the jacuzzi. On their way however, they bumped into Gina and Rosa.

"Woah! Where are you guys going?"

Jake and Amy froze.

"Erm, back to our dates that you set us up with? Whom we are having so much fun with?" Amy said nervously as she lied through her teeth.

Rosa crossed her arms with the slightest of grins.

"So why are the two of you together and not with them?"

Jake groaned. " _Fine_. We're trying to get them drunk so that they hook up. Gina- Don isn't Don. Don is his middle name. Don's name is Steve. And Melanie and Steve used to date."

"Yeah, and they're very obviously still hung up on each other so we're just trying to do the good, noble thing and get them back together."

"Wait," Gina said as she held her hand up. "Slow your roll there, girl. What do you mean you're getting Don and Melanie together? I told you to flirt with him! Come on, Amy."

Jake immediately jumped to Amy's defense. He didn't actually jump though. He was holding eight shots of tequila.

"Gina, this was my idea. And don't you think that Steve Don would be happier getting back together with an ex he's still in love with rather than flirt one-sidedly with Amy for a few hours?"

"One-sided?"

"Trust me, Gina. It was probably one-sided." Rosa remarked as she sipped on her drink.

"Thanks Rosa. Wait- what's that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever you think it means. Anyway, you guys have sixteen shots? What, are you going to give them each eight shots of tequila?"

"No," Jake said as he shook his head. "We're each having four shots each. So they don't get suspicious. Smart, right?"

Rosa burst out laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" Gina asked in confusion.

"What is it, Rosa?"

"Oh my god- Rosa knows what Four Drink Amy does!" Jake said squeeing in delight.

"What?" Amy asked. "What do I do after four drinks?"

"You're about to find out."

"Is it something funny? Should I get out a camera?" Jake asked with wide, twinkling eyes.

"Sure." Rosa said with a smirk. "Now go get those exes back together."

Jake and Amy left after that, with Jake looking over the moon in anticipation of a potentially hilarious display of Four Drink Amy.

"So now that they're gone, what does Four Drink Amy do?" Gina asked curiously.

"First, you owe me five bucks."

Gina groaned. "Fine. But I have to pay you later. I don't know if you've noticed, but there isn't much space to put money in this."

Gina and Rosa had made a little bet earlier. Although Gina was now low key rooting for Jake and Amy to get it on, she had bet that Jake and Amy would stay with the dates she had set them up with, out of fear of what she'd do if they disobeyed her. Rosa had bet that they'd find some lame excuse to ditch their dates and get back with each other again somehow.

And based on recent events, that meant Rosa had won.

"Whatever. Anyway, Four Drink Amy is a bit of a pervert. Scratch that, a _huge_ pervert."

"No way. What did she do?"

"About a few months ago, Amy and I were getting a drink after work. We had the next day off so I told her to drink up. Needless to say, she did four shots in a row. Jake doesn't know about this because he was working some case with Boyle."

"Woah. Lemme guess- she started flirting with all the guys at the bar desperately?"

"Nope." Rosa said with a smirk. "She came on to me. Started being real suggestive, winked at me a lot, asked when 'this' was gonna happen."

"Oh. And did 'this' happen?"

Rosa shook her head. "Nah. I considered it, but knowing Santiago, she'd probably freak out in the morning. Since we work together she'd definitely be super awkward about the whole thing. Also she was already having a huge crush on Jake at the time. And Jake being hopelessly in love with her would probably cry if he found out. There's probably some rule about how you shouldn't sleep with the person one of your best friends is in love with."

Gina nodded. "Okay, okay. So you didn't tell Jake so they'd get drunk, hook up, and it'll all be over?"

Rosa shook her head. "Nope. Jake doesn't get drunk after four shots. Well he does- but he's definitely not as drunk as Four Drink Amy. He'd still be in control, so he'd be sober enough to properly experience the wrath of Four Drink Amy. And obviously Jake would never take advantage of her like that, so he's basically going to go through a hell's worth of torture. Jake's about to learn a lesson."

Gina chuckled. "Nice. I'm loving this."

Rosa smirked. "And hey, chances are he'll get so frustrated having Amy flirt like crazy with him he'll come over to us for help. We'll have front row seats to a good show."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending this on sort of a cliffhanger?? Oops :) it's like 7k words so I decided I needed to calm down and stop haha. Who's looking forward to four drink Amy? And what will happen to Rosa and Gina? ;)


	10. Four Drink Amy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four Drink Amy is a nightmare for Jake, and Five Drink Amy doesn't end up exactly improving things. Gina and Rosa laugh at Jake's misery.

"Hey guys! Guess what me and Amy brought?" Jake asked enthusiastically as he held up eight shots of tequila.

"Yeah. Get ready to get hammered with us _party_ _animals_ you two." Amy interjected as she gently settled the drinks down next to the jacuzzi as she climbed back into the water.

Steve/Don and Melanie both looked really tense and stressed. And as Amy and Jake silently noted to themselves and each other (loaded eye contact and a silent nod in Steve/Don and Melanie's direction), Steve/Don and Melanie were sitting _much_ closer to each other than they had been when Jake and Amy had left.

"Oh thank god." Melanie heaved a sigh of relief as she did two shots in a row, wincing from the taste of tequila. "I-I really needed a drink. Thanks you two."

"Yeah," Jake said in agreement. "I think we _all_ need a drink. Steve? Don? Which name do you want?"

Steve/Don gulped. "Steve's fine. And yeah. Let's all drink."

Jake handed Steve two drinks. "That's the spirit Steve! Now drink up- can't lag behind _Melanie_ here now, can we?"

Steve downed the two drinks, as did Jake and Amy.

"You know what? Amy and I actually _haven't_ finished talking about work stuff yet. _Bummer_ , I know. But you know what? Steve and Melanie can stay here and talk, _drink_. You know- _whatever_ makes you two happy. And Amy and I can go to... _that_ jacuzzi over there to talk about boring cop stuff! Well, cop stuff isn't _actually_ boring. But some of it is- and you two probably do not wanna know about the boring part of cop stuff." He lifted his hand up to his lips in a mock whisper. "We're going to talk about _paperwork_. Which is like, _so_ boring so you two should probably just stay here. While we head over to that jacuzzi. Man- there are _so_ _many_ jacuzzis here! Did I mention that? I feel like I haven't mentioned that-"

"Jake!" Amy yelled, nearly causing all of their eardrums to post. "Let's go!"

"Oops?" Jake said with his hands outstretched in a shrug. "Guess I was talking too much. Hmm, who would've known? Is it the tequila? It's probably the tequila. Or do I just talk a lot? Am I a talkative person?"

Amy shot him one last look before she climbed out the pool and headed for the adjacent jacuzzi, which to their luck was empty so they could spy on Steve and Melanie.

"Goodbye you two. I mean- see you later. Drink a lot, _talk_ , do whatever, yeah? I'm also taking two more drinks for me and Amy. But that still leaves, like, _three_ drinks for the both of you. Okay I'm talking too much again aren't I? Yup, sounds about right. Goodbye now."

Jake took off behind Amy to the amused and confused eyes of Steve and Melanie.

When Jake and Amy had settled comfortably into their own empty jacuzzi, Amy's eyes were widened with glee.

"Jake! This is so working! They-"

Jake placed a finger on Amy's lips, effectively shutting her up.

"Ames, you're being too loud. They might be super wrapped up in each other but that doesn't mean the game won't be given away if you keep yelling our secret plans out like that."

Amy blushed shyly as Jake removed his finger from her lips.

"Sorry, Jake. It's two drinks. I can't help it."

Jake nodded. "I know. And I _completely_ understand. Yet as much as I love Two Drink Amy and how she threatens to deafen me with every new sentence she speaks- I think it's time to say bye to Two Drink Amy and hi to _Three_ Drink Amy."

Jake reached behind him and pulled one of the tequila shots he had brought with him.

Amy raised an eyebrow. "Three Drink Amy _loves_ dancing, Jake. Are you sure you can handle her?"

Jake grinned. "Of course. Three Drink Amy is my favorite version of Drunk Amy so far. Are you gonna dance for me?"

"Only if you dance _with_ me."

"Sure. Unless you step on my feet. Actually on second thought- we're in a pool and have no shoes on. Screw it. Dance _on_ my feet. I don't care."

Amy nodded. "Okay."

She downed the shot of tequila and looked at Jake as she winced, making him chuckle.

"C'mon, Santiago. Show me Three Drink Amy!"

Amy began to put on a show of intense transformation that mimicked metamorphosis greatly. It was really dumb and funny and ridiculous and cute and it made Jake laugh.

"I can feel her! Three Drink Amy is on her way!" Amy announced.

Jake kept laughing.

"And seeing how you're still practically screaming every word that comes out of your mouth- Two Drink Amy isn't completely gone yet, either!"

A very upbeat dance song began playing through the speakers. There had been music playing before- but this new song prompted Amy to break out into a crazy spontaneous solo dance in front of Jake. He broke out into fits of laughter.

"Oh, god you're so bad at this. Why do I love it so much?"

"Because I'm the best dancer in the _world_ , Jake." Amy insisted as she continued to dance.

"Well, Gina would beg to differ. But you dance really cute."

Amy blushed slightly as she continued to shake her hips, rocking her body and twirling at random. She got into the rhythm much better as the song went on and if Jake was being honest he felt rather seduced by the whole display.

Although that could just be Amy existing. Yeah, her very _existence_ seduced Jake. That was how bad he had it for her. It was a disgusting disease he clung to desperately.

And then the song changed.

"Ooh, slow dance song. Time for you to tag in and join the fun, Peralta."

Amy took confident strides forward and placed her arms around Jake's neck.

"Well, don't mind if I do."

He placed his arms around her waist. Her mostly pretty much bare waist. He sighed as he stared into Amy's eyes, admiring her arms and how Amy had such beautiful skin. It was the perfect shade and she looked like a tanned beach babe.

"Did anyone ever tell you your skin looks like caramel?"

Amy smiled shyly. "Well, you just did. So I guess I now know that my skin looks like caramel. Thanks."

Jake chuckled. "Well, then. You're welcome."

They were barely dancing, honestly. Just holding each other too close and stepping back and forth slowly. Which was kind of slow dancing but the way they did it was clumsy and disorganized. But that wasn't saying much since most of Amy's dancing was clumsy and disorganized.

It was also weirdly romantic. Okay, scratch that. They were slow dancing for god's sake. It was _very_ romantic. Jake and Amy were looking into each other's eyes and standing far too close and touching too much.

"You know, I never thought I'd slow dance with anyone in a pool. Much less in my swimming trunks."

"And I never thought I'd slow dance with anyone whilst in my bikini."

Jake smirked. "I guess there's a first time for everything then."

Jake was about to kiss Amy then- but the slow dance song ended and a fast catchy song began to play after it almost immediately.

Which prompted Amy to tear herself away from Jake and start hardcore dancing again.

Feelings or not, Three Drink Amy's love for dance overpowered all of Amy's senses. And it had begun to feel weirdly hot in Jake's embrace as they slow danced. Plus their slow dancing was _definitely_ not real enough of a dance for Three Drink Amy.

Jake felt slightly relieved in a way that Amy had tore herself away from him and started dancing with total abandon. It reminded him that Three Drink Amy was technically a drunk Amy. Duh. Okay, so Three Drink Amy was definitely a drunk Amy. But slow dancing had gotten Jake all caught up in the moment with Amy, prompting him to kiss her.

Which was wrong, obviously. Amy was drunk. Whatever they were doing right now while _brimming_ with huge potential for future embarrassing drunk Amy stories- would basically be taking advantage of Amy if they did anything physical. So he couldn't kiss her. No matter how much he wanted to and no matter how tempting it was.

Right now, he was to concentrate on being Amy's good friend and bad friend- in that he was going to collect as many new embarrassing stories of Amy as possible.

So he cheered on Amy as she danced terribly. It was still strangely endearing, but Jake ignored that thought and focused on bringing out the shame in Amy's bad dancing.

Until something caught his eye.

"Amy!" Jake called out as his eyes widened in glee.

"What is it?" Amy asked as she stopped dancing. Which was torture of course, because right now she loved dancing.

Jake pointed at Steve and Melanie. "They're making out! We did it Amy! We got them back together!"

Amy fist pumped and cheered and Jake and Amy proceeded to do weird handshake combinations and celebration routines to commemorate their victory.

"So what do we do now?" Amy asked.

Jake grinned. "Why do you think I brought two shots Amy? It's time to meet Four Drink Amy."

Amy gasped. "Are you sure you can handle Four Drink Amy, Jake? I mean- we have no idea what we're about to uncover."

Jake nodded. "Oh yeah- of course I'll take care of Four Drink Amy. I wanna meet her so bad! The way Rosa reacted just now- it's _gotta_ be something funny or awesome. Or funny _and_ awesome. Plus- to prove how devoted I am to take care of Four Drink Amy, I'm going to _completely_ sober myself back up."

Amy smiled. "Aww, thanks Jake."

"In fact- I have a special method of sobering myself up that involves _swimming_ _pools_."

Amy looked intrigued. "What is it?"

" _Guess_."

Amy pondered over this for a bit.

"I know! You're gonna jump off the diving board and swim _fifty_ laps back and forth."

Jake's eyes widened in fear. "No. _Not_ that. Although I am flattered that you think I'm somehow capable of swimming fifty laps. My secret method's gonna sound pretty lame now."

"What is it?"

Jake groaned. "I- I tread water for like five minutes. Something about the water or maybe even the chlorine sobers me up."

Amy nodded in an attempt to be supportive. "That's... pretty cool."

"But I have to take breaks in between."

"Oh. Safety first I guess?"

Jake sighed. "Just say it's lame."

Amy chuckled. "Fine. It's _pretty_ lame. But I can't wait to see you suffer."

Jake shook his head. "Santiago you are one _evil_ woman."

Amy smirked. "That I am."

Jake turned out to be terrible at treading water, as expected. He kept coming up for air and the way he panted as he caught his breath made Amy chuckle as she continuously dunked his head back in the water and insisted it had not been five minutes yet.

Ten minutes later, Jake threw in the towel.

"Okay Amy- it's definitely been over five minutes now. I'm _super_ sober. Time to drink up girl."

Amy grabbed the shot of tequila. "Do you think I'm still Three Drink Amy though? I mean, some time has passed. What if I'm no longer Three Drink Amy?"

Jake shook his head as he laughed. "Amy, you're still dancing right now. And seeing as how you're not _screaming_ your words, I think it's safe to assume that you're Three Drink Amy."

Amy stopped dancing immediately. She had been absentmindedly swaying from side to side, even as she watched Jake tread water and repeatedly dunked his head in the water. Cheeks ablaze from embarrassment and alcohol, Amy downed the shot of tequila.

"Nice!" Jake praised as he gave Amy a round of applause.

"Four Drink Amy!" Amy cheered as she pumped her fist in the air at each word, enunciating each syllable as she swallowed the drink.

Jake rubbed his hands together. "Man, I can't wait!"

Jake took a quick look at Steve and Melanie. "Aww Ames look! They're _hugging_ now! Oh wait _no_ \- yeah. It's back to making out again."

Suddenly, Jake felt someone's hand slide up his chest. He spun around quickly due to shock and realized it was Amy. Amy had this look on her face and it dazzled him to no end. What was happening? Jake couldn't breathe. He stayed still, not moving as Amy basically fondled his chest.

"You know who else should make out? You and me."

Jake's eyes immediately widened. Oh no. Oh _no_. He had fucked up. He had fucked up _so_ bad.

"Amy? What... do you know what you're saying right now?"

Amy wasn't looking at Jake right now. Currently, she was very preoccupied with his chest.

"Nice chest you got there Jake."

She planted a kiss on his chest. And it wasn't just a tiny little peck. It was a full on smooch. And it was pretty wet, as Jake could tell from the sound Amy made as she kissed him smack on the chest.

It made him groan. Jake full-on groaned when Amy kissed him on the chest. It made her giggle. Four Drink Amy knew the effect she was having on Jake. She knew it _good_.

"Amy, please... you don't know what you're doing..." Jake begged Amy as he breathed heavily, unable to find the strength to push her away.

Amy ignored Jake and continued to trail her hands up and down his chest. She was practically pressed up against him at this point, and all personal space Jake had was now eradicated.

"Trust me, I know exactly what I'm doing. I know exactly what I want... and I want you, Jake."

Jake's breath caught in his throat and he couldn't speak.

And then Amy's lips were on his. Her sweet, insistent, tequila-laced lips were on his lips, hotly kissing the life out of him.

When Amy's hand travelled down much too low however- Jake came to his senses and removed himself from Amy's grasp.

"Oh my god." Jake wasn't sure whether he was panicking because he had just kissed Amy or whether he was reeling from how good the kiss felt. " _Oh_ _my_ _god_. I am terrible. I am a terrible, _terrible_ man."

"Yes you _are_. Now come back here you-"

Amy's hand was outstretched to pull Jake back into her arms, but he dodged and began running, making his way out of the pool. He was feeling ridiculously hot and it wasn't because of the water.

He ran all the way to where Rosa and Gina were sitting.

"Rosa! Gina! Help me please!"

Rosa and Gina began cracking up when they heard and saw Jake desperately running to them.

"Gina. Time?" Rosa asked.

Gina looked at her phone, which she had been using as a stopwatch.

"Twenty minutes and thirty two seconds. Damnit!"

Rosa chuckled as she downed a shot. "Guess I win, Gina."

Jake looked incredibly confused. "What's going on?"

"Rosa and I made a bet over how long it would take for you to come running over to us for help with Four Drink Amy. Rosa bet thirty minutes and under, so she wins." Gina groaned.

Rosa pet Gina on the shoulder. "Relax, Linetti. There's still more bets."

"There's more bets?!" Jake exclaimed with a certain degree of outrage. "Okay, nevermind that. Rosa- what is Four Drink Amy's deal?"

Rosa raised an eyebrow. "You met her yet?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "Why else would I be here? I need _help_ , Rosa. I'm on the verge of death over here."

Rosa rolled her eyes. "Well if you've met Four Drink Amy I'm sure you know how much of a pervert she is. How bad is it Jake?"

Jake groaned as he sat down on the nearest chair he could find. "It's so bad. She's coming on to me so hard and it's hell having to reject her advances. She's so- _hot_. Oh my god Rosa, she's so hot! What am I supposed to do?"

Gina and Rosa looked amused and sympathetic to Jake's situation.

"Calm down. Amy's hitting on you with everything she's got- shouldn't that be the dream?"

Jake sighed. "No, that's the _problem_. She's drunk, she doesn't mean it."

"Jake- trust me. She means it more than you think she does."

Jake turned to look at Rosa. "When you met Four Drink Amy, did she hit on you?"

Rosa hesitated, before nodding. "Yeah. But that doesn't mean she doesn't mean what she's been doing to you."

Gina sat up straight, looking interested. "That being said- what _has_ she been doing to you?"

Jake raised an eyebrow as he looked to Gina. "Why does that matter?"

"Rosa and I may have made a few more bets in addition to the first one. A lot more bets."

Jake sighed. "Hurry up and ask your questions."

Gina cleared her throat. "First question- has Amy groped you yet?"

Jake groaned. "Do I really have to- _fine_. Yes."

"That's one for me." Rosa said with the slightest of grins.

Gina sighed, but she was undeterred. "Next, have the two of you kissed?"

Jake nodded guiltily.

"Jake. We are so disappointed in you."

"Hey! She kissed me _first_!" Jake insisted defensively.

"You could have fought her off or pushed her away."

"Amy's freakishly strong! It's not my fault!"

"Mmhmm, _sure_."

Several questions later, Jake finally put his foot down.

"Have you two had se-"

" _Okay_ ," Jake held his hands up. "That's enough. Now I'm going back to Amy. Hopefully she's sobered back up."

Rosa and Gina nodded, each taking a drink. "Hopefully she hasn't started hitting on strangers yet."

Jake was instantly consumed by worry. "Oh crap. I shouldn't be leaving her alone."

Immediately, he took off running towards the direction of the jacuzzi.

And then he bumped into Amy. It made him want to die feeling her soft body collide against his own, although only momentarily.

But he was still very concerned. Unknowingly, he held Amy's face in his hands, cupping her cheeks.

"Amy, are you okay? I'm so sorry I left you alone."

"Jake, I've been looking everywhere for you. I miss you baby."

Jake nearly whined when Amy called him 'baby'. He felt like he was on a never-ending roller coaster.

Amy began kissing his neck and once again Jake had to use all his willpower to push her away instead of sinking into it.

"No no no no no." Jake cooed as he plied Amy's lips away from his neck. He heaved a sigh of relief, but now Amy was frowning.

And it was breathtakingly cute. It was also really sad and made Jake feel bad immediately.

"You don't want me?" Amy asked, looking as if she was about to cry.

Jake immediately regretted everything. "No, Amy. Of course I want you. I want you so, _so_ badly. You have no idea."

Amy still looked to be in a somber state. "Then why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because you're super drunk Amy. You don't know what you're doing and chances are you won't remember. I won't take advantage of you like that."

Amy's head tilted in confusion. "I'm drunk?"

Jake chuckled. "Yes you are, Amy. You're so _very_ drunk."

Amy shook her head. "But you said drunk people don't know what they're doing. Or was it thinking? I know what I'm thinking. I like you a lot, Jake. I wanna sleep with you. I'm really sure about that. So how am I drunk?"

Jake wanted to cry. This was really painful. Groin-wise, especially. How he was not rocking a hard on right now was beyond him. If there were an Oscar category for Best Restraint he would win it in a heartbeat.

"Amy. _It's_ _me_ \- Jake. Your annoying friend. We work together. I bug you on a daily basis. You don't like me, Amy."

Amy shook her head again. "Nuh uh. That's not true. I really really like you. And I think you're really cute. Sometimes I wanna kiss you." She leaned in, pretending to whisper with her hand placed next to her lips. " _At_ _work_. Which is super unprofessional. But I still wanna do it."

Jake shut his eyes, rubbing his hands against his eyelids. "Help me. I need help."

He began dragging Amy back over to where Gina and Rosa were.

"Where are we going?"

"To get help so I don't have to die."

Amy gasped. "Jake, you're dying? There's no time to lose then! We should hurry up and do it. And by 'it' I mean sex. We should do _sex_ , Jake."

Jake groaned. "Kill me. Kill me now."

Rosa began laughing the moment she spotted Jake and Amy walking towards them.

"Help me." He begged. "I need help, this is _killing_ me."

Gina laughed. "Why do you need help Jake? Everything seems _perfectly_ fine."

"Yup," Amy agreed. "Perfectly fine. Just like your _butt_."

Amy slapped Jake's ass, prompting Jake to freeze up and causing Gina and Rosa to burst into laughter.

"I love Four Drink Amy!" Gina said as she clapped her hands in delight.

"She's great when you're not the one she's hitting on. Thanks for taking one for the team, Jake."

"Taking one for the team wha- Rosa help me!" Jake begged to no avail.

"Sorry Peralta. Not gonna help you with this one. Either sober Santiago up or get her more drunk. _Different_ drunk."

Jake's eyes widened in realization. "I can't believe I didn't realize that before!"

"Because you were secretly enjoying Four Drink Amy's attention?" Rosa insinuated with a raised eyebrow.

"No- I was just being an idiot. A very _flustered_ idiot, and you two did nothing to help."

"Whatever you say, Jake."

Jake looked indignant. But he sucked it up.

"To the bar!" He announced, dragging Amy along.

"Where are we going? Are we gonna do it?"

Jake bit his lip. "No, Ames. We're gonna drink. You said you weren't drunk right? Time to change that."

"Okay. Are we gonna do it after we drink?"

Jake just sighed painfully.

When they got to the bar, Charles was still there. It was a relief, honestly, that Charles looked to be in the best of moods. Having to take care of both a horny Amy and a sad Charles would be Jake's worst nightmare.

"Hey Jake, hey Amy. What's going on?" Charles greeted as Jake and Amy climbed into the seats next to him.

"Hey Charles. How's it going with the bartender?"

Charles beamed, his happiness extremely evident. "It's going _great_. We're going back to her room after the party ends."

Jake nodded. "Proud of ya, buddy. Could I borrow your drink? I need it for Amy. She's Four Drink Amy right now."

Charles nodded, understanding immediately for some reason. "Pervert Amy. I get it. Here, take my drink."

Jake couldn't believe himself. "Why is it that everyone knew who Four Drink Amy is other than me and well... Amy?"

Charles shrugged. "Guess I happened to be in the right place at the right time. Amy and I had just closed our first case together a few months ago- we went drinking to celebrate. After she had four drinks she started flirting with the bartender. I tried to stop her because she so obviously likes you, Jake, but Amy is one stubborn lady."

 

* * *

_(A Few Months Ago - Shaw's Bar)_

 

"Hey Mister Drink Maker-" Amy called out as she took her fourth drink.

"Yes?" The bartender had been wiping the bar down, but now he made his way toward Amy. "Can I get you another drink?"

Amy smiled seductively. "Sure. If it's a tall drink of a- _you_."

The bartender looked interested.

Charles looked worried.

"Amy, I think you've had enough. Let's get you home."

Amy glared at Charles. "No. I'm not going home. Unless he's coming with me."

Charles gulped. Amy turned back to look at the bartender.

"As I was _saying_ , Mister Drink Maker- you should come home with me. I just closed a case with Boyle here. A big case. Our first case together. And so to celebrate- you should come home with me."

Charles looked very uneasy. Amy was clearly about to do something she'd really regret in the morning. And he was not physically inclined enough to fight the bartender should he accept Amy's advances.

"Amy, what about Jake?"

Amy's hands slammed on the surface of the table when Charles said that.

"Jake? Where? Charles? Where's Jake?"

Charles felt marginally more relieved now.

"Jake could come any moment, Amy. And would you rather have Jake or this loser?"

"Hey!" The bartender interjected offendedly. "I'm not a loser."

Charles looked disapprovingly at the bartender. "This isn't about you, _Chad_."

"Yeah, _Chad_." Amy said in agreement. She turned back to Charles. "If Jake's coming then I want _him_ , not you."

Except that wasn't happening, since Jake and Terry were investigating some other case and as far as Charles was concerned they wouldn't be done for a whole other week.

"But really Amy, you should be getting home. Whether Jake's coming or not." Charles said nervously.

Amy narrowed her eyes at Charles. "Jake's not coming?"

"I don't think so, Amy, no. But I'm here. And I'll help you get home safe."

Amy pouted. "But I don't want to be alone."

The bartender gave Amy a sleazy smile. "Then I'll come home with you. Screw this Jake guy."

Charles rolled his eyes. The fact that Amy was clearly hung up on someone else didn't matter to the bartender. Which indicated he had no intention of pursuing a meaningful relationship with Amy. Which meant that as her friend Charles had to make sure that did not happen at all cost.

This task was proving to be a difficult one, however.

"Okay, fine. I guess I can't have Jake anyway. He doesn't even like me. He went on a date with some girl last week."

Amy turned to look at Charles. "What was her name again? Daisy? Sounds like a _bitch_."

Amy stretched out the word 'bitch', proving once again just how drunk she was.

Charles sighed. "Amy, Jake clearly likes you. He's just afraid of his feelings for you and he's trying to bury them deep by dating random girls. You should just tell him how you feel."

Amy shook her head. "No Charles, you're wrong. Jake's already taken Daisy out on _two_ dates. He said he was bringing her to this classy place tomorrow. He's clearly _in_ _love_ with her Charles. Not me."

As far as Charles was concerned, Jake was taking Daisy to a hotdog stand outside an expensive restaurant. To break up with her.

_"That doesn't count as a fancy place, Jake." Charles had told him._

_"But I'm going there to break up with her. Being a terrible date will make it easier for her." Jake had reasoned with a shrug._

_"Why are you breaking up with her again?"_

_Jake had shrugged then. "Something just doesn't feel right."_

Charles had dropped it, because Jake was already sick of hearing Charles tell him how obviously in love with Amy he was.

"Amy, Jake isn't in love with Daisy. In fact he's breaking up with her. Also- you went on a date last week too. But you still have feelings for Jake, don't you?"

Amy sighed. "Yeah. But I didn't like Connor."

Charles cracked a smile. "See? You dated Connor and Jake dated Daisy. But you don't _like_ Connor. And Jake doesn't _like_ Daisy. You like Jake. And Jake likes you."

Amy looked slightly better. "I guess. Maybe."

The bartender seemed ticked off. He very obviously wanted to go home with Amy but Charles was ruining things for him.

"Yeah. So let's get you home, okay?"

Amy nodded, getting off the chair and following Charles.

"Wait!" The bartender said in slight desperation. "How do we know he's not just saying that? Maybe you're jealous Amy wants to go home with me and not you. So you're pretending this _Jake_ guy likes her back."

"What?" Charles and Amy said at the same time. But Amy looked confused now. Which was a bad sign.

Charles really wanted the bartender to just back off. He was making it really hard for Charles to help get Amy home like the good friend he was.

Just then, Rosa walked into the bar.

"Hey. What's going on?" She asked.

Amy's eyes locked onto Rosa and she made her way towards her immediately. " _Heeyyyy_ Rosa." She greeted sleazily.

Rosa groaned. "Damnit. Boyle, please don't tell me this is Four Drink Amy."

Charles sighed. "It's her. And this guy-" Charles said in a more angered tone, pointing to the bartender with his thumb. "Keeps trying to get her to go home with him."

Rosa's eyes immediately threw daggers at the bartender, who looked terrified.

"Rosa, I need your help. We need to get Amy home but Chad's making it so hard."

Getting the message, Rosa let go of Amy and took terrifying steps toward the bartender, brandishing her dagger and making him yelp.

It scared Charles a little too. "You- better back off. And if I ever see you in this place again... _no_ _one_ will ever find you."

The bartender gulped. And then he bolted. Charles and Rosa got Amy home safe and sound. And Chad the bartender quit.

 

* * *

 

"So yeah, that's _basically_ how I know about Four Drink Amy." Charles said as he finished summarizing.

Jake nodded, really hating Chad the ex-bartender now. "So that's why Chad quit. But yeah you and Rosa did great getting Amy home."

Charles hadn't told Jake about Amy's meltdown regarding how she liked Jake and all that at the bar that day all those months ago. Like Rosa- although he would insinuate and tease and practically force them to confess their feelings, it wasn't exactly his place to tell Jake or Amy about the other's feelings directly.

Basically, saying "Jake told me he liked you" to Amy or saying "Amy told me she liked you" to Jake would not be a cool move. One simply did not rat on one's friends, even if their mutual feelings were concerned.

It was just less romantic that way, after all. That was what Charles had felt.

And Rosa had agreed with him. Not about the romantic part of course, but the not ratting your friends out part.

They had agreed- that the only time they would directly interfere would be if either of them stupidly got married to someone else.

Which was never going to happen, surely. But if they turned out to be huge idiots and it _did_ happen, Rosa and Charles had planned to make Jake and/or Amy come to their senses with the truth.

"Thanks, Jake. We would've done the same for you. In fact we kinda have. Except in your case you were not as big as a pervert as Amy."

Jake chuckled. "Which is funny, when you think about it."

"Anyway, enough chit-chat. Amy, you can have my drink now."

Amy had not paid attention to what Jake and Charles were saying. She had busied herself with poking a stray toothpick into this olive she had found.

"Hey guys. Look at this." She began repeatedly poking the toothpick into the olive.

Charles was pretty disgusted. "Amy, gross."

Jake found it slightly endearing. But he didn't say. "Come on now, Amy. Give me that and drink up."

Amy complied. Within seconds she was the most confident woman alive.

"I'm gonna jump off the diving board!"

And she became a whole new version of hell for Jake.

"No, Amy. No you are not."

Amy looked at Jake defiantly, her hands akimbo as she spoke to him.

"Why not Jake? Don't think I can do it? Because I _can_. I'm the best swimmer and diver in the world, Jake. And don't you _dare_ think otherwise."

Jake sighed. "Amy, you're drunk. Diving boards are dangerous. How about... you and me have a contest? Hmm? You _love_ contests."

Amy relented. "Fine. No diving board. What sort of contest should we compete in?"

"I was thinking-"

"Oh I know!" Amy interrupted. "Let's have a _kissing_ contest."

If Jake had been drinking, he would've spit his drink out when Amy said that.

"What?" He asked, voice sounding strangled.

"Yeah, a kissing contest. Let's you and me make out- first one to pull apart for air loses."

Jake groaned in despair. "It's back to the drawing board I guess."

Jake took Amy's hand and began walking to where Gina and Rosa were.

"Where are we going Jake? What's wrong- you too chicken to make out in public?"

 

* * *

 

"Guys, I need your help again."

Gina and Rosa were sharing a plate of nachos.

"Jake, we're busy here. What is it?"

"Have you gotten rid of Four Drink Amy yet?"

Jake sighed. "Five Drink Amy is here now."

Rosa shoved a chip in her mouth. "So what's the problem?"

"You know how a confident Amy is a competitive Amy?" Jake asked.

"Yeah. So?"

"So... Right now Amy wants to compete with me. _Kissing_ wise. First to break apart loses. She wants to _make_ _out_ guys! Making her more drunk was a bad idea. Please help."

Gina and Rosa began laughing their heads off.

" _Oh_ , and I thought the drama was over!" Gina said between laughs. "Man, this party is wild."

"Come on, guys. Help me. Laughing is not help."

Rosa looked up at Jake. "What do you want us to do?"

Jake shrugged. "I don't know! Just help me. _Tell_ me what to do."

Amy stared Jake up and down. "I've got another idea. Let's team up instead of competing with each other."

Jake looked over at Amy. As did Gina and Rosa.

"For what game?" He asked.

"It's pretty much the same game, Jake. Gina and Rosa make out, and you and I make out. Whichever team pulls apart for air first loses."

Jake sighed. "You see guys? I need some help here."

"Just bring her back to her room. Sober her up or get her to sleep." Rosa said simply.

" _Sleep_? Rosa, Amy can't sleep in this." He said, gesturing to Amy's bikini. "She'd catch a cold."

"I think you know what you have to do." Rosa said with a slightly suggestive grin.

Jake's eyes widened in horror. "No, no. _Not_ that."

Rosa shrugged. "Then sober her up. Six of one."

"Fine." Jake grabbed Amy's hand. "Let's go, Amy."

Amy groaned. "Where are we going this time? Are we gonna play the game or not?"

Jake shook his head. "We're not playing the game, Amy. We're going back to your room."

Amy began to protest immediately. "Why? We were having so much fun at the party. I wanna go back. Jake, let's go back."

Jake shook his head. "No, Ames. You're too drunk. You need to get some sleep. Or at least sober up."

On their way back to Amy's room, Jake and Amy bumped into Terry.

"Hey! Where are you two headed?"

Amy smiled confidently at Terry. "Jake says I'm drunk. So I'm not allowed to party anymore."

Jake stopped, flashing a smile at Terry. "I'm bringing Amy back to her room. Any suggestions for sobering her up?"

Terry shrugged. "I guess you could do the usual? Make sure she gets plenty of water. Or grab a tub- fill it with ice and water then get Santiago to dunk her face in it."

Jake nodded. "Thanks Terry. I'll think about the tub thing. Also, I didn't see you downstairs. Have you been in your room the whole time?"

Terry chuckled. "I went down an hour ago. It was too crowded- more rowdy than relaxing. Which is not exactly the party I need now. Vacation Terry needs things to stay _chill_ this weekend."

Jake grinned. "Alright. You do you, Vacation Terry. I'll see you tomorrow at Gina's performance."

"See you tomorrow, Terry!" Amy said, chiming in.

Terry laughed, waving as he left. "I'm off to get more ice from the ice machine. See you both tomorrow. Don't be _too_ hungover."

Jake led Amy to her room door.

"Okay now. Where's your key?"

Amy gave Jake a look. "Does it look like I have a room key with me right now? This bathing suit doesn't exactly come with pockets."

Jake sighed. "Fine, we'll go to my room."

Jake whipped his key card out from the pocket of his swimming trunks and unlocked the door to his room, letting Amy in. This was probably a bad idea.

"Why'd you put your key card in your pocket? What if the water did something to it?"

Jake shrugged. "I guess I didn't think about that."

"Jake-"

Jake pointed at finger at Amy defensively. "Hey- you're drunk right now. Drunk people are not allowed to judge other people. Because they're drunk. Also the key card still clearly works. Since we're both in my room right now."

Amy looked around Jake's room. "Hmm."

"What's wrong?" Jake asked as he opened one of the complimentary water bottles for Amy, deciding whether he should give it to her in the bottle or pour some water out in one of the glasses.

"Your room isn't messy yet."

Jake shook his head. "Amy, we've been here a few hours. I dumped my stuff down and changed. Not enough time to trash a hotel room, sadly."

Amy shrugged. "Well, you're Jake. You're messy."

Jake chuckled as he stepped into the bathroom to wash one of the glasses, before pouring some water into it and handing it to Amy. "I might be messy but I'm not an animal, Amy. Here, drink up."

Obediently, Amy slowly drank all the water.

"Good, good. _There_ you go."

Amy smiled, handing the empty glass back to Jake when she was done.

"Are you feeling better now? Sober?" Jake asked.

Amy shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe? No?"

"Do you still wanna make out with me?"

"Yeah."

"Then you're still not sober. I'll get you another glass-"

Amy stopped Jake, grabbing him by the arm and prompting him to turn around.

"No, Jake. It's fine. I think I wanna take a shower now."

Jake nodded. "Okay. But how are you gonna do that? You don't have clothes here."

Amy shrugged. "They have bathrobes here, don't they? I'll just wear one of the bathrobes in the closet."

Jake stiffened. "You'll just wear one of the bathrobes. Just... the bathrobe."

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

Jake took a deep breath. "Cool. Very cool. _Super_ okay. I am not at all affected. You'll just... _wear_ _a_ _bathrobe_. With nothing underneath. Nothing wrong with that. Cool, cool. Very cool."

Amy went over to the closet, pausing midway. "Or I could wear your clothes. You got something that can fit me?"

Jake almost passed out, imagining Amy parade around in his clothes. "Nah." He said, dragging out the word. "I probably _don't_. You should wear the bathrobe. _Please_."

Chances were, he'd get a nosebleed if Amy decided to wear his clothes.

"Okay," Amy agreed. "I'll go shower now. See you."

Jake walked over to check his phone while Amy showered. He had been charging it, not wanting to bring it down to the pool party. He was in the middle of checking for messages when Rosa called him.

"Hello?"

"Santiago sober yet?" She asked directly.

"Not sure." Jake said. "Gave her a glass of water. She's taking a shower right now. In my room."

"Your room? But she has no clothes there."

Jake sighed. "She's planning on wearing a bathrobe."

Rosa laughed her head off. "This must be _killing_ you."

He shrugged. "Could be worse. She wanted to wear _my_ clothes."

Jake heard Rosa move the phone away from her ear and say something to someone else. It was probably Gina. When Jake heard two different laughs he knew for sure that it was Gina.

"Anyway, why is she in your room and not her room?" Rosa asked.

"Didn't bring her key. That being said- you know where it is?"

"Oh yeah," Rosa said, suddenly remembering. "She gave it to me, right before you two ran off to the pool slide like a bunch of nerds."

"Really?" Jake was confused. "I didn't see that."

"You were too busy crying over the precious pool slide to notice. But yeah, her key card's with me. I put our keys in the locker. I'll come back up later to pick her up."

Jake nodded. "Thanks, Rosa."

"Unless you wanna have a sleepover with her. Actually, that- _what_?"

Jake heard Gina's voice in the background. It made him groan in dread.

"Yeah I _should_ not go to his room on purpose. That would be hilarious."

Jake began to panic. "Rosa! I can hear you! Don't ditch me, please!"

Rosa and Gina were laughing.

"Maybe I'll come up Jake, maybe I won't. Who knows."

"Rosa, listen to me- _and_ she hung up."

Jake dumped his phone back on the table, sighing in contempt. He looked at the shut door of his bathroom, unsure of which Amy would step out when she was done. Jake himself needed a shower. A small part of him wanted to hop in that shower with Amy, but that was not an option. He didn't know whether it was the right move to confront or ask Amy about the things she said while drunk when she was finally sober. Could Charles and Rosa be right all along? Could she have been telling the truth regarding the stuff she said?

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are y'all liking the party? Because I just spent 14k words writing it and technically it's still not over because Gina's dance gig and all. Please tell me what you think!


	11. Vodka Jake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Amy spend the night together, have breakfast, and she meets Vodka Jake. Stage One of Vodka Jake. There's five stages in total.

After what felt like the longest ten minutes of Jake's life, Amy stepped out of the shower.

"Hey. I hope I didn't take too long." She said with a sheepish smile, rubbing her hair dry with her towel.

Jake shook his head. He had poured another glass of water whilst waiting and now handed it to Amy, who took it with an amused smirk.

"Drink it all up."

Amy chuckled. "I'm pretty sure I'm sober now. The shower really helped." She drank it all anyway.

After setting her cup back down on the table, Amy looked to Jake questioningly.

"Why are you still standing there? Don't you need a shower too?"

Jake hadn't changed out from his swimming trunks yet. Which was a stupid thing to do, seeing how he had just spent a prolonged amount of time sitting in wet shorts.

He moved quickly, stopping only as he was about to close the bathroom door.

"Oh yeah- Rosa's coming by soon with your room key. You'll be out of here before you know it, so just sit tight."

Amy nodded. She didn't seem to be made happier by this news. "Oh. Thanks."

Amy had used up most of the hot water, so Jake decided to embrace the cold and stood under the freezing shower. He would deal with the consequences later.

He didn't know what to feel. Amy seemed more sober than she had been during the party, but was she aware of what had went down? Was he to ask her about it?

Jake scrubbed himself down with soap. The cold water and his disoriented state added to the urgency with which he cleaned himself.

If he were to ask Amy about... what Four Drink Amy did, what good would come of it? There was every possibility he could make her very uncomfortable and their friendship would be screwed.

What _would_ he even say, anyway?

_Hey Ames, remember how we were wondering what Four Drink Amy's deal was? Turns out you become this huge perv and you came onto me just now. Crazy, right? Also did you mean any of it do you like me-_

Nope. Bad idea. He should not say any of that.

_So Amy- you really sober right now huh? Remember anything you said while you were drunk? Do you like me-_

Okay. That was almost fine. Right up till the end.

Sighing, Jake got out of the shower and toweled himself dry. He turned around to grab his shirt when he realized that there was no shirt of which to grab.

Oh, crap. In his hurry, Jake had completely neglected to take clothes into the bathroom with him.

He wrapped the towel around his waist, hoping that Amy really was sober or maybe Rosa had already came and gotten Amy.

Best case scenario? Jake would open the door to an empty room.

But Jake had no such luck. When he opened the door, Amy was sitting on his bed watching television. She also looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"You okay?" He asked, quickly grabbing his clothes from his duffel bag before stepping back into the bathroom and changing.

"Not really," Amy groaned, prompting Jake to move faster and soon he was out the door, eyes flashing with concern as he gave Amy a once-over.

He poured another glass of water for Amy, climbing into the other side of the bed as he handed it to her.

"Thanks."

"What's wrong?"

Amy took a sip of the water before setting it down on the bedside table. She felt too bloated.

"My head hurts a little."

Jake felt guilty. "Sorry. I shouldn't have let you drink so much."

Amy shrugged. "Nah, don't worry about it. I wanted to. I had fun."

Jake pursed his lips. "Me too."

"I mean, I think I had fun. My head's too woozy for me to remember anything right now."

Jake didn't know what to feel when Amy said that. So she didn't remember, as strange as it was that she couldn't.

Suddenly, Amy moved and lay her head on Jake's stomach. She hummed in what sounded like relief and contentment.

Jake could feel his heart racing. But still he giggled.

"What are you doing?"

Amy groaned. "My head hurts. You're comfy. Let me have this."

Jake gently stroked Amy's hair, combing through it and enjoying the sensation of having her smooth, albeit slightly damp hair run against his fingers.

"Okay. Sure. Anything for you."

And then Amy fell asleep, leaving Jake to absentmindedly watch the television as he waited for Rosa. He never paid any actual attention to the screen of course, focusing more on the beautiful woman splayed across him.

Jake drifted off to sleep too.

And Rosa never came.

 

* * *

 

Amy woke up with a splitting headache, and a warm body underneath her.

Wait, what?

Cracking her eyes open, Amy realized that she was lying on top of Jake.

Jake looked relaxed and happy, his features seemingly softer and somehow younger in slumber. His chest rose and fell steadily, and he had an arm gently draped over Amy's back, almost protectively. Amy smiled. She felt so-

Wait wait wait- _no_. She stopped herself right away. This wasn't right, no matter how right it felt. She wasn't supposed to be in bed with Jake, she was supposed to be in her bed alone and-

_Oh god what had happened last night?_

"Jake. Jake wake up. _Jake_?"

Slowly Jake's eyes fluttered open. Yes, they literally fluttered open. Amy fought the urge to smile.

"Hey."

"Hey? Jake what happened last night? We didn't- we didn't _do_ anything right?"

Amy rolled away from Jake, clutching her head with her hand as she sat up. It hurt so bad.

Jake chuckled as he watched her.

"Oh yeah. We're both fully clothed. Obviously we did it."

Amy sighed and looked for some water.

"Nothing happened, Ames. You got drunk, we called Rosa to come over and pass you your room key. She obviously didn't show. You took a shower and then I took a shower. You also forced me to be your pillow for the night."

Amy calmed down. She had kinda overreacted a little. She blamed the hangover.

"Sorry about that." She downed an entire glass of water, then poured herself another glass.

"Don't mention it." Jake got up and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he was done, he saw Amy on the phone.

She hung up as he went to get a change of clothes from his bag.

"Hey, so I called the front desk. They're coming up to unlock the door for me."

Jake nodded. "Nice. Wanna go get breakfast?"

"Oh, yes please. I'm starving."

Jake chuckled. "I'll go get changed."

After Jake got dressed, he waited with Amy for the hotel staff to unlock her room door. She got dressed in a surprisingly fast amount of time, emerging in a pleasant blouse and jeans.

She was panting, which made Jake smile.

"You okay there? You look like you just ran a marathon."

"I did just run a marathon. What's that supposed to mean?" Amy joked with a cheeky smile. It made Jake feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"You're a crack up." He said with a wide grin. "Let's go."

They bumped into Rosa and Gina, who were basically gorging themselves on... everything.

"Where the hell were you last night, Diaz?" Jake asked as they approached the table, taking the two empty seats across the girls.

Rosa smirked as she shoved a piece of her pancake in her mouth.

"Told you. I could come over or choose not to. I chose not to."

Jake sighed. "Fair enough."

"So-" Rosa continued. "Did you guys bone?"

Jake and Amy had an almost explosive reaction.

"What?"

"Excuse me?"

Rosa seemed unfazed. Gina only looked amused.

"No, we did not- _bone_ \- Rosa. That's... that's just. Inappropriate."

Gina chuckled. "You didn't seem to think so last night, Santiago. You were all over Jake."

Jake's eyes widened in horror whilst Amy froze in confusion.

"What?"

"You got drunk and hit on Jake. Keep up."

Amy turned to look at Jake in confusion. "I- I- what?"

"Four Drink Amy." Rosa remarked in between bites of food. "Real perv."

Amy froze. "Jake did I really-"

Jake scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"Kinda? Maybe? A little. Yeah." He cleared his throat.

Amy's face immediately reddened in embarrassment.

"Oh my god, Jake I'm-"

"No- Ames, come on. Don't worry about it. You were drunk, I don't blame you. And you didn't mean it, right? It was all Four Drink Amy."

Amy calmed down significantly. "Yeah. Of course I didn't mean it."

Gina cracked up laughing.

"Man, never have I seen two people lying so obviously through their teeth!"

Rosa grinned. "Same."

"Rosa, half of your job involves dealing with lying criminals."

"Yup." She said as she took a sip of water. "You two are worse."

Amy gulped. "I'm- gonna get something to eat. And drink. Hangovers, you know how those go."

She cleared her throat awkwardly and left.

Jake glared at Gina and Rosa.

They glared back and he immediately backed down.

"Come on guys, you're killing me here."

"What can I say, Jake? It's fun watching you suffer."

Jake sighed. "What can I do to get you two to stop?"

"Tell Amy you like her." Rosa said without batting an eyelid.

"Also- we're barely doing anything. This is all you Jake."

Jake got up. "I'm going to get some breakfast."

"Which is code for- you're going to look for Amy. We weren't born yesterday." Gina said in between bites of pancake.

Amy was having a very heated discussion with a flustered waiter when he found her.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"They wouldn't give me raw eggs."

Jake chuckled. "And you need raw eggs... why?"

"It's a hangover cure. My granddad used to down a glass of raw egg yolks every time he got hungover."

Jake placed a hand on Amy's back and gently pushed her towards the buffet.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

Jake placed a plate in Amy's hands.

"Raw egg yolks sound gross. You want a hangover cure? You get yourself a greasy ass breakfast. Let's start with... bacon!"

Ten minutes and two plates of assorted breakfast foods later, Jake and Amy were back at their table, where Gina and Rosa were no where to be seen. Jake inwardly heaved a sigh of relief.

"Jake, this breakfast looks gross."

"Gross _delicious_ , you mean. And c'mon. You're really telling me you'd rather drink raw eggs?"

"Yes."

"Oh, just _eat_. I promise you'll like it. And that's a Peralta Guarantee."

Amy rolled her eyes, cautiously shoving a bite of greasy eggs and bacon in her mouth. Jake smiled upon hearing her satisfactory moan.

"See?"

"I don't know why but this is amazing." She mumbled in between bites of food.

"That's because it _is_ amazing."

Amy didn't speak. She continued to eat and Jake could only chuckle as he watched her in between bites of his own breakfast.

Then he got a text.

_Rosa: see that glass in front of you?_

Jake looked up from his phone. Indeed as Rosa said, there was a glass in front of him. It appeared to be filled with water.

_Jake: yeah. why?_

_Rosa: drink it all_

_Jake: again_

_Jake: why_

_Rosa: drink it all or I'm forwarding all your drunk voicemails you sent me about your giant crush on amy_

_Jake: you!! wouldn't!!_

_Rosa: try me_

_Rosa: send a picture when you're done_

Jake picked up the huge glass in front of him, inspecting it carefully. It seemed harmless, just another glass of water, right? He began to drink.

The moment the drink touched his lips Jake realized that he was about to drink a huge glass of vodka. Oh no.

But he thought of those scandalous voicemails and drank every last drop.

He slammed the glass back down on the table, scaring Amy.

"Jake, what's wrong?"

"Vodka!" He choked. "That was, that was vodka."

Amy's eyes widened. "Oh my god! Jake- why'd you keep drinking it?"

"I don't know- Rosa made me!"

Amy immediately passed Jake her glass of water. He drank it desperately, draining it to the last drop.

"Why'd Rosa make you drink so much vodka? At _ten_ _o'clock_ in the morning?"

Jake gulped down the water as he shrugged.

"And why'd you listen to her?"

He hesitated. "It's Rosa? She's scary?"

Amy accepted this. "Okay. You've got a point there."

Jake exhaled loudly. "Anyway, you feeling better?"

Amy nodded, smiling. "Yeah, much better. I do kind of have to go to the bathroom now though, so- I'll meet you back here in a few minutes?"

"Sure."

The second Amy left, Jake texted a picture of the empty glass to Rosa, before calling her.

"Sup?"

"You made me drink an entire glass of vodka! What's up with that?"

Rosa chuckled. "Wow, you really did it, huh?"

"Yeah just sent you the picture. What were you thinking!"

"It was Gina's idea. We figured- you've seen Four Drink Amy, it's time for her to meet Vodka Jake."

Jake groaned. "No. It is _not_ time for Amy to meet Vodka Jake. I'm not really sure who Vodka Jake is, but he already sounds like bad news. So no- Amy's not meeting him."

"Really? Maybe it's time for her to listen to your drunk voicemails then."

"Fine! Man, why are you so good at blackmail?"

"You haven't seen nothing yet."

Jake sighed. "So what else do you want me to do? Drink more vodka?"

"Wait-" Rosa moved the phone away from her face and Jake heard muffled sounds of conversation between Rosa and Gina. "Okay. Gina has rehearsal for the dance performance tonight. You'll come with Amy and we'll be getting you drunk."

"Okay. Fine. But will Amy be on board with this?"

"We'll get her on board. Finish your breakfast and get over here."

 

* * *

 

"So where are we going again?" Amy asked as they left the buffet restaurant. After they had finished their breakfast, of course. That was a delicious free meal that would be an abomination to let go to waste.

"Gina's dance rehearsal. Rosa's already there. They told us to come over so we could all hang out."

Jake looked intermittently at his phone, referring to directions to the dance studio Rosa had sent.

"Oh, that's nice. So what, we're just gonna sit there and watch?"

Jake chuckled. "I'm sure Gina expects more of us than that."

"You've been to her dance practices before right?"

"She generally expects me to be supportive and cheer once the dance is over. I've also made the occasional snack and drinks run."

Amy smiled. "I have a feeling that's what we'll wind up doing."

"Well we'll find out soon enough. We're here."

Jake pushed open the door of the dance studio and the loud blast of music hit Amy's ears immediately, causing Amy to grimace.

"Gina! Rosa! We're here!" Jake yelled, trying to be louder than the music but failing. Thankfully, Rosa noticed them and waved them over.

Rosa led them to this door leading to a small room adjacent to the dance studio.

Inside, there was a table, a few chairs, a huge bottle of vodka, and thankfully, some silence. Amy heaved a sigh of relief.

Then she began to question the bottle of vodka.

"Why is there vodka here? Isn't this just a dance practice? Wouldn't drinking be... a bad idea?"

Rosa smirked, whilst Jake looked pained. "The vodka's not for Gina or any of her dance troupe."

Amy nodded. "Oh."

"It's for Jake."

"What?" Amy's eyes widened. "Just Jake? Why?"

"To get him drunk on vodka. Since Jake got to experience you drunk on four drinks last night, we figured we'd show you one of the drunk Jakes you've never met. While sober of course."

Amy pondered this. "And why would I want to meet Vodka Jake?"

Rosa smirked. "You know Martini Jake, don't you?"

Amy's eyes lit up. "No way."

"Vodka Jake is ten times better than Martini Jake."

Jake scoffed. "Oh please, you're overselling. Also who's Martini Jake?"

Amy's eyes were still alight with excitement. "That's a risk I'm willing to take. I wanna see Vodka Jake!"

Jake groaned whilst Rosa laughed and poured a glass of vodka out for Jake. "Drink up, Peralta."

Defeatedly, Jake downed the entire glass of vodka, wincing as he did.

"Well, here comes trouble."

 

* * *

 

Everyone loved Martini Jake. It turned him into some very friendly and accommodating talk show host that treated everything you did as the best thing ever. He also put on some low, deep but calming voice that Amy would admit to enjoying during her less sober moments.

The first time everyone met Martini Jake was a few months ago in Shaw's bar. Which wasn't a surprise, given how much time they all spent there.

"Guys! There's a two for one special on martinis tonight! We gotta jump on that stat!"

Rosa scoffed. "Please. You don't even drink martinis. I'm getting beer."

Jake grinned. "Oh Rosa- I always drink martinis- especially when there's a two for one special."

"Because you're _cheap_." Amy taunted, earning her a dirty look from Jake and a laugh from Rosa.

"Broke, Amy. There's a _difference_."

"Isn't the two for one martini special supposed to be shared with a friend?" Terry asked with a raised eyebrow. "I could sure use a martini right now."

"Well then I guess you'll have to order your own two for one martini special, Sarge. Because _Jakey's_ not sharing." Everyone cringed at his usage of the word 'Jakey'. He seemed drunk already. Jake turned to the bartender. "Two martinis please! I believe they come at the price of _one_ tonight."

Six martinis later, Martini Jake was born.

"Oh look! We have Amy Santiago here with us today. Detective Amy Santiago- who I believe has just solved the _Fulton_ _Street_ _Murder_?"

Amy laughed, slightly tipsy herself. "Yes, that is I."

"That was a _fantastic_ solve, Amy. You're an amazing detective." Jake prattled on in his deep voice. It, along with his ass-kissing words, had Amy in a sort of trance.

"Who should be captain one day."

"Who should _definitely_ be given her own command one day."

Rosa walked over then. She was slightly weirded out. She also had two martinis with her.

What? Don't look at her like that. They were cheap and tasted good. So shut up.

"What the hell's going on with Jake?"

Jake turned to look at Rosa, immediately rising and giving her a standing ovation.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to the 99th precinct's _very_ own Detective Rosa Diaz!"

Rosa was intrigued by this weird version of drunk Jake. She sat down, as did he.

"Rosa, is it true that you were responsible for pulling off today's drug bust in which upwards of _ten_ pounds of cocaine were uncovered?"

Rosa downed her entire martini. Whatever Jake was on, she wanted to get a taste of it.

She swallowed calmly. "Mmhmm."

Jake lightly clutched his face in awe. "Well. It is an incredible honor to be in your presence."

"Jake, you were at the drug bust with me."

Jake waved his hand. "I had no part of it. I was merely there as a lucky observant of your fantastic work."

Rosa chuckled. "Man, Jake drunk on martinis is awesome."

"You're telling me." Amy said with a cheeky smile, taking Rosa's second martini and handing it to Jake. "I'm going to get more martinis from the bar."

"Because you are filled with generosity in addition to being a remarkable detective." Jake remarked as he lightly set his empty martini glass back on the table.

Rosa cracked up. "Step on it, Santiago."

That night, Rosa and Amy had a field day filming Martini Jake. They planned on splitting the footage to use against Jake as blackmail whenever needed in the future. They also decided not to tell Jake about Martini Jake.

They may have also threatened anyone who saw Martini Jake that night and in the subsequent appearances of Martini Jake in fear that Jake would find out and stop drinking martinis forever.

Even Charles didn't blab. Because he was both terrified of what Amy and Rosa would do to him and he also was a huge personal fan of Martini Jake.

Charles loved playing games whilst Martini Jake was around. Because Martini Jake was Charles Boyle's biggest fan.

Well, Martini Jake was _everyone's_ biggest fan in the form of a talk show host with a deep voice, but Charles took what he could get.

"This man is a darts, pool, and karaoke expert!" Jake announced as he held Charles's arm up, beaming proudly. Charles exuded radiance from being praised by Jake like that.

And the funny thing was, Charles had lost to Jake in pool and darts that night. But he got praised, so he didn't care to correct Jake.

So basically, that was Martini Jake. He was amusing to all and slightly loved by all as well, as he praised them for oh so many things that no one would think that he'd remember. And it felt nice talking to Martini Jake. He made you feel terribly good about yourself.

Now- Vodka Jake though? He was a whole different story. A train-wreck, honestly. Whilst Martini Jake remained relatively consistent, Vodka Jake had different stages that changed as time passed and more vodka was consumed.

There were five stages in total to Vodka Jake. Rosa had had the unfortunate fate of having to witness all five, as she generally liked to keep herself in control and that left her moderately sober most of the time to observe and most importantly remember the drunken shenanigans of her friends.

If one were to summarize what Vodka Jake was like, one would say that he was rather emotionally honest. Emphasis on emotional. The delivery of that emotional honesty was what differed from each stage of Vodka Jake.

Stage one of Vodka Jake; Huggy Jake- hugged a lot. Which Charles loved and took serious advantage of. It was seriously creepy to Rosa, because when Huggy Jake was around, he didn't just hug you, he would also whisper the nicest sweetest things into your ear.

So Rosa made sure to be as far away as she could whenever Huggy Jake was around.

Stage two of Vodka Jake- was even worse than stage one, believe it or not. Stage two Vodka Jake cried, a lot, over the littlest things. He was known as Cryey Jake. And he was super sensitive. It was actually kind of beautiful when you thought about it. Because Cryey Jake loved and appreciated the world around him; he loved all his friends and family, he loved the bartender, he loved nature, he cared desperately about the environment, and he was even very supportive of Charles's exotic food choices.

But he was a pain to be around, because he cried non-stop. And he also said the occasional deep thing that would make others want to cry too.

Third stage Vodka Jake AKA Singy Jake was just as unbearable, though in a different way. Third stage Vodka Jake sang. Incessantly. And he didn't just sing any song no- every song that Singy Jake sang was a Peralta Original. He'd make them up on the spot, most often about the people around him. And he'd make the song about how great the person and or thing he was singing about was. It'd be really flattering if Jake wasn't totally off key for every song he made up.

Fourth stage Vodka Jake was a little better, and honestly the most charming and bearable of all the various stages of Vodka Jake. He was known as Dancey Jake. Which was in some ways similar to Three Drink Amy, yes, and that being said Three Drink Amy and Fourth Stage Vodka Jake have been known to do the occasional tango (which they'd both have forgotten by the next morning). However, whilst Three Drink Amy liked to dance on her own and was terrible- Dancey Jake was somewhat of a dancing genius. And he always needed a partner.

So Jake had occasionally engaged in couple's dances with various inanimate objects- be it his bottle of Vodka, the stick used in playing pool, and even a chair once.

Fourth stage Vodka Jake whilst a talented dancer was never condescending towards any of his dancing partners. In fact, he was always perfectly supportive, kind, and encouraging. Charles once cried after dancing with Dancey Jake and placed the occasion as one of the top ten best things to ever happen to him in his life.

Dancey Jake once tried to make Rosa dance with him too. She threatened him with a knife. It might've gotten ugly.

And last but not least the final stage of Vodka Jake was Drunk Dial Jake. Anyone that hung out excessively with Jake during the first four stages of Vodka Jake were always prepared to receive numerous voicemails by the end of the night. Depending on Jake's mood that day, the voicemail could range from sappy- in which Jake would rattle off about how great you were and how much he appreciated you- to downright sad. In which he was sad.

So why oh why, were Gina and Rosa introducing Amy to Vodka Jake, who'd never met him sober enough to remember the next morning?

It was because for the past few months, Rosa had been suffering with an Amy-poisoned Vodka Jake.

Huggy Jake would whisper all the great things about Amy into your ear whilst he hugged you. Cryey Jake would weep about how Amy was the most wonderful, gorgeous human being to walk the earth. All of Singy Jake's songs were about Amy. Dancey Jake- well Dancey Jake was more or less the same. And lastly all of Drunk Dial Jake's drunk dials were about how he was hopelessly in love with Amy and he didn't know what to do.

So the past few month's instances of Vodka Jake had both been a pain as well as a nuisance to watch. Though Vodka Jake was already bad enough as is to Rosa, no one- not even Charles was enjoying Love Sick Vodka Jake.

Thus Rosa told all this to Gina and they hatched a perfect plan. Since Jake still insisted on being an idiot after Amy had gotten drunk and bared her thoughts and feelings to Jake- they decided it was now Amy's chance to witness a Jake that would straight up tell her what he was feeling and hopefully she'd step up and stop being an idiot and those two could finally bone.

Or become boyfriend and girlfriend. Whatever works.

 

* * *

 

"Drink, drink, drink, drink!" Amy chanted excitedly as Jake downed glass after glass.

"Oh, it's coming now. I can see him in his eyes." Rosa noted as she got up from her seat and headed to the door.

"See what in his eyes?" Amy asked. "And where are you going?"

"Vodka Jake. He's showing through Peralta's eyes. Oh, and I'm leaving to avoid stage one of Vodka Jake. He likes to hug people."

"Wait!" Amy called out desperately, causing Rosa to stop short in her tracks. "Don't leave me alone with him, I'm scared."

Rosa scoffed. "Relax. I'm only going to tell Gina that Vodka Jake is starting. Besides, Jake gives good hugs. You dig that stuff, right?"

"I-"

But then Rosa left the room.

And suddenly Amy felt a warm pair of arms envelop her. It was Jake. (Duh, who else could it have been?)

He was currently hugging her tightly from the back, his head leaning on her shoulder. It made Amy blush. Rosa was right, Jake did give good hugs. Although she didn't know what to think- all she could feel was his warmth, some numbness and her heart beating at a frighteningly quick pace.

"Jake?" She called out hesitantly.

"You're so great." He whispered. It made Amy sigh. His breath felt hot against her ear, and she could smell the faintest whiff of vodka mixed with bacon. Jake had had a lot of bacon for breakfast. It was, in all honesty, a pleasant scent.

"What... what are you doing?" Amy asked awkwardly, gulping as she spoke.

Jake took in a deep breath. "Hugging you, of course. It feels really nice."

Amy heard the music stop. Panic rose in her.

"Also, your butt's really warm-"

At that moment, Gina and Rosa barged into the room, prompting Amy to immediately extricate herself from Jake's grasp.

Gina and Rosa weren't fooled of course. They had seen the hug clear as day.

"Nothing's going on!" Amy exclaimed, a bit too loudly, which caused Gina, Rosa, and even Jake to wince.

"Calm down, Charlie Brown." Gina muttered, before turning to look at Rosa. "You were right, Vodka Jake really is here."

"Rosa?" Amy interrupted. "You said this was stage one of Vodka Jake. What's stage two?"

Rosa smirked. "You'll find out soon. Just give him more vodka."

Amy shook her head. She had made a decision. "No, I don't wanna do that. I think we should cut Jake off. I... don't think I want to meet Vodka Jake anymore."

Amy felt a certain fear regarding Vodka Jake. She hadn't hated him, of course, but yet she wanted to lock Vodka Jake up far, far away. She wanted Regular Jake back. Jake who was chill, made silly jokes about her, and certainly did not give her such tender hugs that made her so tense yet so relaxed all at once.

Gina and Rosa took one look at each other and burst into laughter.

"What- what's wrong?"

"Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy!" Gina said in between chuckles. "Once you start Vodka Jake up, you don't go back. You _can't_ go back."

Amy was confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you can't cut Vodka Jake off. If you do he gets all sick and it's just... really messy. Gina and I had to each learn that the hard way."

Gina made a face at that memory.

"So I have to... keep feeding Vodka Jake?" Amy asked hesitantly.

"Yup. And you really need to stop pretending you don't like Vodka Jake. Jake did enough suffering for the both of you yesterday."

Amy raised an eyebrow. "Suffering? What-"

"You kissed him. And he really wanted to kiss you back, but you were drunk so he couldn't."

Amy felt heat rush to her cheeks. So that had happened.

"Wait, so what do you expect will come from Vodka Jake? You think he's going to kiss me?"

Gina laughed. "Man the two of you are desperate. I don't know! You'll just have to find out, girl."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for over 100 kudos!! Smh tho I've written almost 20k words on this dum pool party storyline it could be it's own damn fic I'm so mad at myself??? I never intended this plot to get so long??? Please do tell me what you think tho I hope this fic is still somewhat enjoyable rather than boring af. Also hope you guys look forward to Vodka Jake!! I was so inspired by the various versions of Drunk Jake I wrote for this chapter that I made an entire post about the various versions of Drunk Jake. Pls check it out on my tumblr @peraltiagoisland !!


	12. Dance, Dance

"So... What am I supposed to do with Vodka Jake?" Amy turned around, glancing at Jake who was sat at the table looking upset. She decided not to think about it for now.

"Well, I'm gonna need Vodka Jake out of here. First two stages of Vodka Jake aren't even fun, although they make for good blackmail material. I mean, Jake _cries_. Perfect blackmail. But not good to be around for more than a few minutes. Last three stages are just gonna be distracting, and I have a dance rehearsal to run here folks." Gina seemed to be deep in thought for a brief moment before she spoke again. "I know! You can bring Vodka Jake out and get food and drinks for all of us. Ooh! I'm thinking sandwiches. Sound good to you Rosa?"

Rosa shrugged. "I'm not the one who needs energy for dancing. But sandwiches sound good."

Gina crossed her arms, turning to look at Rosa. "You sure you don't want to take up my offer to be a substitute in case anyone gets hurt during rehearsal? Because Deandra's a real klutz."

Rosa sighed. "For the last time, Gina, no. I told you, I'm not a dancer."

"But you said you went to dance school! And sure, you did classical dance which is different from everything Floorgasm stands for, but given what I've seen last night you can easily pick up any moves anyone throws down. You also said you used to do gymnastics, and cool flips would really make for a perfect final move!"

Amy's eyes were the size of saucers as she stumbled upon this revelation (or revelation _s_ ), courtesy of Gina. Her teeth bit down hard on her lips to contain any squeals of excitement.

Rosa, on the other hand, looked horrified. "Gina, stop talking."

Gina took one look at Amy and instantly put two and two together. "Damn girl, sorry- didn't know that was supposed to be a secret. Alright then, off you go Amy. Take Jake with you, and if he gets queasy in any way just feed him more vodka and he'll be just fine."

Gina and Rosa then turned to leave.

"Wait! Can Rosa come with us? I have some... _questions_ for her."

Rosa scowled at Amy.

" _No_."

And then she slammed the door shut.

That was when Amy heard Jake huff. This caught her attention and she turned back at Jake. He was crossing his arms and had a wide frown etched on his face, his expression exaggerated and cartoonish. If Amy wasn't worried about why Jake was acting out in such a way she would've laughed.

"Jake... what's wrong?" She asked, in a patronizing tone a kindergarten teacher would've offered a child.

"I'm mad at you."

Amy took a deep breath. Oh... boy. "Why are you mad at me, Jake?"

"You pushed me away. Jakey feels hurt."

Any other day of the week, Amy would have whipped out her phone and started filming Jake who was talking in a very embarrassing manner that he would've been very very embarrassed about. And Amy liked collecting blackmail material. On Jake, that is.

But Vodka Jake was unfamiliar and possibly dangerous territory. Gosh, why oh why did Amy naively listen to Rosa when she claimed that Vodka Jake was "even better than Martini Jake"? What bullshit. So far Vodka Jake was being a petulant child who was mad because Amy pushed him away when he hugged her, and she on the other hand only had promises of a crying Jake ahead in an upcoming stage of Vodka Jake.

Although Amy had to admit... it was slightly cute. This huggey Jake, that is. And he did give some good hugs.

"I'm sorry Jake. That's only because Gina and Rosa came in. Will you stop being upset if I hug you now?"

Slowly, Jake's frown began to falter.

"Okay."

Amy hesitantly wrapped her arms around Jake, which was awkward since he was sat down on a chair and she was standing up- but when Jake returned the hug he stood up, arms tightly wrapping around Amy's waist and lifting her entire body off the ground in the process. It made Amy yelp.

"Jake! Put me down!"

But then she was giggling.

"Wheeeeee!" Jake spun her around until he got dizzy and stopped, panting as he put Amy down.

"That was actually fun." Amy remarked with a final laugh as she too caught her breath.

"Yeah." Jake agreed, before planting a kiss on Amy's cheek that somehow made her both freeze and burn at the same time.

"Um, let's go get those sandwiches and drinks now?"

Jake grinned. "Only if you hug me the whole time."

Amy's heart tightened at the innocence of that statement.

"I can't do that, Jake."

Jake looked sad immediately and Amy swore Huggey Jake was the equivalent of a human puppy and every time he frowned a sun burned up.

"Why not?"

"Because it would be very hard to walk, Jake. What if I held your hand instead? Would that be okay?" Amy explained, keeping her even and patient kindergarten teacher voice throughout.

Jake grinned and grabbed her hand immediately. "It's okay."

And then he lifted their interlocked fingers up and kissed her hand.

Amy was burning where he had kissed her, feeling a sort of pleasant heat spread throughout her. It felt nice yet it also felt like she was falling into a deep dark hole at hundreds of miles per hour.

They left the room hand in hand and were spotted immediately by Gina, Rosa, and the rest of Floorgasm. They seemed to be gathered around having a discussion of sorts.

"Hey look!" Rosa called out. "Jake and Amy are holding hands. Hah. Dorks."

Amy sighed. "Only because he wanted to hug me all the way to buy sandwiches! This was a _compromise_."

"Whatever. Anyway, we're deciding what sandwiches we want. We'll send you our orders via text once we've made up our minds."

Amy nodded, whilst Jake just continued to stare tenderly at her.

"Okay. Now please get out because if I have to watch Jake make goo goo eyes at you for another second I'm going to puke."

This prompted Amy to take quicker strides towards the door, dragging Jake behind her, before she was interrupted by Gina.

"Wait! You forgot to bring vodka. Not to further scare you or anything, but Jake pukes a _fountain_ if you cut him off before all five stages of Vodka Jake are up."

"Yup. I _do_."

Jake said as he nodded, which prompted Amy to turn and look at him. He was three inches away from her face, a fact which shocked Amy enough to make her yelp and pull away a bit.

"See, you heard it from the man himself." Gina said with a grin.

Amy composed herself and turned to Rosa.

"Is Vodka Jake supposed to be _this_ self aware?"

Rosa shrugged, her arms crossed as she did. "Don't know. Never really cared."

Amy sighed, dragging Jake with her so that she could retrieve the vodka bottle from the room and leave so she could get all five stages of Vodka Jake out of the way and be done with him. She just wanted to hang out with Regular Jake. Regular Jake who did not kiss her cheek and hand in a way that left her needlessly hopeful and wanting more- Regular Jake who did not want to hold her hand and scare her because it's just holding hands, why did her hand feel numb and her throat feel dry?

Regular Jake, who didn't stare at her endlessly with those soft brown eyes of his that she wanted to stare back in. Regular Jake who she liked but didn't give her false hope. Regular Jake who was her coworker and whose existence reminded Amy that he was a no-no.

Amy took a deep breath, not talking to Jake whose hand she was still holding. Right. Jake was still her coworker. Even if he did like her in the same way that she liked him, and even if it would make her burst with joy if he, let's say, confessed said feelings explicitly whilst completely sober... She would still have to keep those feelings at bay, wouldn't she? They were still not a possibility.

But then again, deep down Amy wasn't sure how well she'd be able to stop from launching herself at Jake if he gave her reason to. In the end, Amy was still one to follow her heart.

Just then, Amy's phone buzzed and she received a text from Rosa.

_Rosa Diaz: go to subway- it's across the street from the hotel. in the end we all decided we wanted meatball subs. don't forget you shouldn't cut vodka jake off no matter what. I know ur chicken and afraid about your feelings or some lame crap but get ur shit together and listen to jake's drunken love confessions and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. record it and show him or something. we r all kind of sick and tired of hearing drunk Jake talk about you. And yes it's not just Vodka Jake. U ruined all the other drunk jakes. Even the fun ones. MARTINI JAKE NO LONGER TALKS ABOUT THE REST OF US ONLY YOU YOU RUINED THE BEST DRUNK JAKE THATS WHY WERE DOING THIS and also you and Jake need to get together bc um, romance? lol whatever u want us to say to get u two together it's exhausting watching this awkward dance. and also the ruining of all fun drunk jakes -Gina and Rosa_

Amy sighed as she read the text, blatantly ignoring the Jake stuff and just replying Rosa and asking what drinks they all wanted. Rosa responded a while later, when Amy had collected the subs, with a long long list of different drinks. Amy knew instantly that Gina and Rosa had planned to make Jake and Amy stay out as long as possible so that she'd be able to hear some supposed love confession from Jake and "do something about it". Well Amy planned to deliberately do the opposite. She was going to do _nothing_ , because whatever Vodka Jake said to her, Sober Jake had no part in it. And like Amy, Sober Jake knew that they weren't supposed to date because they were coworkers and it could all get so messy, right?

No matter how much it pained Amy and might pain Jake.

"Amy, I feel funny." Jake complained, looking extremely queasy as Amy collected the last of the sandwiches.

"Oh no." She said, panicking. Amy handed the bottle of vodka to Jake and made him drink, which he adhered to immediately. Hmm. Amy may have had her qualms about Vodka Jake, and the logic behind him having to drink even more vodka to avoid throwing up vodka seemed very unsound, but at least he was obedient.

"Feel better?" Amy asked, as Jake handed the now empty bottle of vodka back to her.

In response, Jake burst into tears.

Oh boy.

Amy called Rosa immediately.

"What?"

"Help! Jake's crying! And there's no more vodka!" Amy panic-whispered into the phone, hoping that Jake wouldn't hear and like, cry even more, if that were possible.

Rosa burst into laughter for a full minute. During that time, Jake's violent baby sobs had evolved into mere silent tears. It wasn't ideal, but made Amy feel much more relieved.

"I guess you should go find a bar and get more vodka in him. No other way."

Amy sighed. "But we've got the sandwiches. Should we come back first?"

"Nah." Rosa said, dragging out the word. "We're not that hungry. Fix Jake first. I don't want a crying Jake back here. Neither does Gina."

Amy rolled her eyes. "You guys suck."

"What did you say?" Rosa asked, her voice still but reeking with danger.

"Nothing! Bye!" Amy replied, gulping. She could only hear Rosa's chuckles as she hung up the phone.

"Amy..." Jake asked as he wiped his tears.

"Yeah?"

"Oh my god- I can't believe how pretty you are!" He started sobbing violently again, seemingly a reaction to catching a glimpse of Amy's face.

Amy didn't know how to feel.

"I'm... sorry?"

She knew she was smiling though. Weirdly wildly and a very large contrast to Jake's tears.

"And I- I'm just... I'm so strong, y'know?"

Amy cleared her throat. "I'm probably gonna regret asking this but- why?"

"I have to look at your face almost everyday! How the hell have I made it this far?" His hands came up to his face, wiping it dry. "I mean, do you have any idea how cute you look when-"

He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath.

"When I... what?"

Amy bit her lip. She had to admit it was rather shameless of her to ask, but Jake was the one who didn't finish his sentence.

"All the time! When you're all focused, doing paperwork- or, sometimes on a stakeout. You make it hard to think about anything else. Or to notice anything else."

And then Jake was gagging.

"Oh no, I think you need more vodka. We gotta get you to a bar."

"Amy I feel sick... make it stop..." Jake grabbed onto Amy's arm for dear life, and for once it felt cold and clammy against Amy's skin instead of warm and steady.

Amy was hit with a pang of worry.

"Okay, um. Where's the nearest bar?" She asked out loud, more for her benefit than for Jake's. She whipped out her phone, contemplating searching for a bar, and then deciding that would take too long, she looked at her surroundings instead, hoping there was a bar somewhere within her line of vision, that today was her lucky day.

Today was not her lucky day, unfortunately. Amy didn't see a bar anywhere.

"Oh god..." Jake groaned, gagging again. Amy began to panic slightly, forcing herself to think. Where was the nearest bar?

"Oh! The hotel! The hotel has a bar!" She almost celebrated as she remembered walking past a bar with Jake sometime in the past day, and also most hotels of the caliber they stayed at were generally equipped with a bar or two anyway.

"Ames I feel spinny. Make it stop please."

Amy remembered her priorities.

"Jake, if I hold your hand all the way to the bar for vodka, will you promise not to puke all over my shoes?"

Jake had on his usual shit-eating grin again, except this particular grin had a certain innocence to it.

"Okay."

Amy almost heaved a sigh of relief. They arrived at the hotel with Jake in a seemingly perfect condition. If Amy didn't know Vodka Jake any better (Although to be honest all she knew about Vodka Jake was through what Gina and Rosa told her), she would've thought he had faked being sick to get her to hold his hand.

But then Amy had trouble finding the bar. In her desperation, since Jake seemed queasy again once they stepped into the hotel, Amy texted Rosa for help.

_Amy: where's the hotel bar?? Help don't want Jake to puke_

_Rosa: go to the one on the third floor._

_Amy: but the hotel directory says the nearest ones on the first floor?? I'm on the first floor_

_Rosa: THIRD FLOOR_

Defeated, Amy caved and headed to the third floor.

"Hi," Greeted the bartender, whose name tag read 'Kylie'. "What can I get you?"

Amy was panting slightly as she climbed on the bar stool. She had been walking so fast, too fast, in her panic. "Um... Four shots? of vodka... for him."

Kylie's eyes widened. "Four shots huh? All for him? Did he lose a bet on the way here?"

Amy chuckled. Jake losing a bet to her was always fun. They'd made little bets here and there over their time as partners and friends. Some were belted out confidently and competitively in a work context, some were belched out drunkenly in a stupid context. Both were fun. Although memories of the latter were always rather fuzzy.

"No. He gets like this with vodka. He has to drink even more or he'll puke. And he gets a different kind of weird drunk each time too. According to our other friends. Who made him drink vodka in the first place. And then made me take him away so he could like confess to me or whatever. It's not fun and I don't think I'm making it sound too fun either. Sorry."

Kylie looked very, very intrigued. "Don't be. And, not to overstep my boundaries here, but I need more context. What's this all about? You two one of those stories about two people pining for each other but being too afraid to take the leap?"

Amy smirked. "I don't know what we are. But we can't date because we're coworkers. And not just any coworkers- we're partners. Detectives. If we did something stupid it could really mess with our jobs. But I never thought about that when I first met Jake. Sure I thought he was cute but I didn't think I'd start liking him. And then when I started getting feelings for Jake I lied to myself until... now all I know is that no matter what Jake thinks of me, this can't happen. We can't happen."

Kylie chuckled. "Man the dude really is drunk huh? You've been yammering on about him but he hasn't reacted even a little."

Amy chuckled. "I didn't realize that. Must be the vodka- please give him some more."

"So you can continue to vent about your feelings?"

Amy froze a bit. "I'm sorry, am I talking too much? I really hope I'm not bother-"

"Girl, relax. I'm loving every moment of this. Please tell me more about your misadventures with tall, drunk, and handsome over here."

Amy rolled her eyes, but she was blushing. "It's been a little... unreal. Stage one of him was sort of clingey. Wanted to hug me, hold my hand. Stage two cried about how I was distracting and beautiful." Amy cleared her throat. "Um, it was weird."

"Don't lie to me, you have no reason to. Also wow, I wish someone worshiped the ground I walked on too."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Jake does not _worship_ the ground I walk on!"

"That's up for debate."

Amy's head flicked to look at Jake, her expression laced with horror.

"Um, Jake? You were listening? What else did you hear?"

"Just the part about me not worshipping the ground you walk on. Which as I have made clear, _is_ an issue up for debate. I was too busy vodka-ing myself up to hear anything else. Why Ames? What'd you say?"

"Nothing!"

"Oh come on, there _was_ something! Tell me, please? Pretty please?"

Amy gulped, whilst Kylie watched their exchange intrigued as she absentmindedly wiped a glass dry with a stray towel.

"Why do I have to tell you anything?"

And, before Amy could stop him, Jake broke out into song.

"Because... I love you Amy, and if it's quite alright I need you Amy, to warm the lonely nights, I love you Amy- trust in me when I say... oh pretty Amy, don't let me down I pray, oh pretty Amy, now that I've found you stay, and let me love you, Amy, let me love you..."

His song parody of Can't Take My Eyes Of You had Amy tongue-tied and Kylie laughing her head off.

"Man, that was random but really cute. You should hear him out, dear. I think he'd be crushed if you said no to him. Because the look on your face says yes."

Amy jerked, turning away from Jake and looking in Kylie's direction instead, although refusing to maintain eye contact because Kylie had a knowing look on her face.

"I... don't know what you're talking about. Jake's just being his drunk, Vodka Jake self. This is probably his third stage. There's five in total- and I'm about to ramble. I'll stop now."

Kylie smiled knowingly. "Okay. But it seems to me that Jake looooooves you."

Which was honestly quite obvious, since Jake had just inserted the word 'love' in his song (parody) to Amy like, four times.

"No he doesn't!" Amy said in denial despite how stupid her violent knee jerk reaction to this was, almost breaking a bottle that Kylie quickly and expertly pulled out of reach from her destructive hands.

"Someone needs to take a chill pill."

Amy took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. But- Jake doesn't love me, okay? He can't."

"Why? Would you reconsider dating him if you knew he loved you? Because I'm pretty sure he just declared that, like, several times."

Amy exhaled deeply. She seemed panicky. "I- you know what? Jake's drunk. I shouldn't assume that anything he says is real. I mean, I get all crazy when I'm drunk! I'm pretty sure I don't mean anything I do or say."

Kylie raised an eyebrow. "Sure you even _remember_ what you do or say?"

Amy froze up for a moment. "That... that's besides the point. I shouldn't be taking anything Jake says or does seriously because he's drunk."

"Okay. So why don't we make him sober so you can ask him if he really means what he's saying."

Amy's eyes widened in shock.

"What? Um, no. Bad idea."

"Why? Scared?"

Amy huffed. "No! _You're_ scared! I just- don't think it'll be a good idea, since I don't want him to get sick. Also is it really possible to sober him up when he's like this?"

Kylie nodded. "Yeah. I can make a drink that's able to counteract the effects of vodka so that he ends up sober. I'm a genius. But like, with alcohol."

"Okay. Fine. I trust you, do it."

Kylie turned around and began making the drink when Amy stopped her.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I just thought- I kinda want to make the most of having a suggestible Jake that listens to me and does what I say. Mostly."

Kylie wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. It made Amy do a complete roll of her eyes.

" _Not_ what you're thinking. I want you to make Jake a martini, because I wanna see Martini Jake while I can."

Kylie leaned forward, instantly interested.

"Ooh, what does Martini Jake do?"

Amy smirked. "He becomes this _amazing_ talk show host with this calming, deep voice. Interviews you about stuff he somehow remembers you did. Since we work together he interviews me about cases I solve and- don't look at me like that! _Everyone_ loves Martini Jake, okay? Not just me. That I can say for sure."

Kylie held her hands up in mock-defense.

"Okay, okay. Everyone loves Martini Jake. Got it."

"I just closed a huge case last week, but I haven't gotten Martini Jake to interview me about it yet, so- here we are."

Kylie nodded. "Okay, sure, I'll make a martini for Jake."

Satisfied, Amy turned back to Jake who was currently fiddling with an olive and singing softly to it.

"Hey little olive don't you cry, I'm gonna sing you a lullaby-"

"Jake?"

"Yeah?" He responded, turning to look at Amy immediately.

"I'm getting you a martini. You'll drink it, won't you?"

Jake shrugged. "If you want me to. 'Cause I'd catch a grenade for ya, drink loads of martinis just for you..."

"Bruno Mars? Really?" Amy chuckled.

Jake shrugged and flashed a smile at her. "I usually make my songs originals but- I'm feeling like parodying today."

"One martini! Drink up, kiddo."

Kylie placed the martini smack down in front of Jake. He downed it immediately.

"Wow you're right he really does listen to you." Kylie remarked as she watched Jake drain the martini in record speed.

"I guess now we just have to wait for Martini Jake." Amy said expectantly, kind of excited if she were to be honest.

"Amy Santiago?" Jake's low voice made Amy's lips curl up into a pleased smile.

"Yes?"

"This is some kinky shit, you know." Kylie remarked before Amy shot her with a look.

"Well, Amy Santiago! Welcome back to the show, our wonderfully capable detective. Before we get started however, I'd just like to know one thing-"

"What is it?" Amy asked, cautious but interested to see what new way Martini Jake could use to praise her.

"May I have this dance?"

"What?" Amy was flummoxed. Just what on earth was going on? As far as Amy was concerned, Martini Jake never danced with his fake talk show guests. Which version of Drunk Jake even danced-

Oh no. This was Stage Four of Vodka Jake, wasn't he?

Amy pinned an accusatory look at Kylie immediately. "What was in that martini you gave him?"

"Vodka." She replied simply. "It's a vodka martini dear."

Amy's eyes widened. "What? But I don't want any more of Vodka Jake!"

Kylie shrugged. "My bad, I guess."

But she was smiling.

"Amy Santiago? My offer for a dance still stands. I so wish to dance with the best and brightest detective of the Nine-Nine."

And how could Amy say no to that?

 

* * *

 

The dance was amazing. Jake had magical feet, skillful hands, and an enrapturing smile. Amy was powerless over how he twirled her, spun her, lifted her, and the thing where he would drop her back halfway and hold her leg up. (Amy really knew nothing about dancing.)

It shocked the bejesus out of her whenever he did that, but his hands were so warm, so solid, and she just felt so safe.

They started dancing when this upbeat, fast song started playing, and stopped once the song was over. In that time, Jake made time fly by yet still seem to last an eternity.

And in that eternity, all they saw was each other, and all they stared into was each other's eyes.

"You're beautiful," Jake would whisper to Amy, in between a twirl or just randomly as he looked at her face.

And it would make her feel impossibly warm, like all the other times he called her beautiful.

There was this weird control that Jake had over the situation, and Amy felt herself slipping, felt herself lose all logical thought. Felt herself wanting him even more, needing him even more. She was falling for him whilst standing completely still as the last verse of the song played out and they just stopped dancing and started, no _kept_ , kept looking into each other's eyes.

And then Amy, desperate to embrace the stupid and crazy, planted her lips on Jake like her life depended on it.

He responded with fervor, of course, making Amy's heart ache like Jake would willingly take and grab at whatever she was willing to offer, no matter how selfish and arrogant it felt to think this way.

But Jake's hands were running through Amy's hair and he was making these needy sounds; almost whimpers, and his lips were hot and insistent and then Amy felt his tongue- burning and reeking of vodka, but maybe breathing in Jake's air made Amy a little drunk, a little drunk on Jake.

Because Amy was giving in and just letting herself feel, unapologetically taking what she wanted and not caring about the consequences.

The word _consequence_ lost its meaning anyway, as Amy felt Jake's hands find their way around her waist, his arms securing her back in place before his hands ran up her spine and nothing else in the world mattered all of a sudden.

"What's going on here?" Some unfamiliar voice was heard and in shock Amy pushed Jake away.

Fear flashed across Jake's face, laced with desperation as Amy pushed away. It was tragically beautiful to look at but also heartbreaking.

"No," Jake exhaled, as if begging, rejecting her rejection. Desperately, Jake's arms found their way around Amy's waist again and he was pulling her back in, kissing her again.

Amy stayed there basically motionless as Jake kissed her unmoving lips, doing all he could so she would kiss him back. Amy was sure she felt him murmur the word 'please' against her lips and she wanted to cry so badly.

In the background, Amy heard Kylie explain to whom was probably her manager that Jake and Amy were just two people making out and that what they were doing was harmless.

Amy disagreed. Everything she was doing right now was harmful.

She briefly recalled what Gina and Rosa had told her- that the night before, she had gotten drunk just like Jake was now and had tried to kiss Jake. Jake had definitely found it in him to pull away then because them kissing was dangerous territory, wasn't it?

Yet here she was, sober instead of drunk, and still she was the one throwing herself at Jake.

So somehow, she found the strength to pull away.

"Why?" Jake asked. "What did I do wrong?"

He looked so vulnerable then, and Amy felt like a monster. But she resigned herself to the idea that no matter what Jake and herself wanted, they couldn't just throw caution to the wind. They just _couldn't_.

And then Amy was smiling slightly, because she knew she could at least provide Jake one luxury she couldn't give herself.

She could let him forget.

"Excuse me? Um, Kylie is it?"

The manager was gone now.

"Yeah?"

Amy took a deep breath. "Please make the drink to make Jake sober. And if you can, please make sure he somehow forgets everything he did while drunk."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo as of this chapter I am the peraltiago fic with the third highest word count on ao3 OKAYYYYYY 
> 
> i feel like i should apologize for something if I made u cry feel free to send in the death threats
> 
> also please tell me what you liked/hated about this!! i need validation as it is the blood that courses through my veins 
> 
> and i know you guys want jake and amy to get together right now immediately but i promise i will make it worth it (or it could not be worth it in the end who knows but i will try i promise)


	13. Hypnotist Mugger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE MYSELF THIS IS 11.5k WORDS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY IT JUST IS UGHHHHH IT TOOK FOREVER pls appreciate

"Here's the cure. Once Jake drinks this he'll be back to his sober self in about... ten minutes." Kylie said hesitantly as she slid the shot glass containing suspicious liquid that could only be described as murky. Amy's nose scrunched up just looking at it. "Are you sure you want this?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. I can't take this anymore."

Kylie sighed. "I know it's not my place but- aren't you just running away from something you want?"

"I am. I know I am. But just because I want something doesn't mean having it is a good idea." She glanced at Jake, who was resting his head on his arms that were splayed out on the table. Her heart ached just a bit at that sight. "Everything could crash and burn so fast." She said quietly, almost like a whisper.

Kylie shrugged. "Okay. It's your choice. Give him the shot."

Amy grabbed the shot and pushed it towards Jake. "Jake?"

"Yeah?" His eyes lit up as he heard Amy refer to him. It hurt to watch.

"I- I'm going to need you to drink this. All of it."

Jake nodded. "Okay."

"Y'know, that could've been poison." Kylie remarked as Jake downed the entire shot, wincing as he swallowed.

"Amy wouldn't make me drink poison." Jake said without a shadow of doubt in his voice. "But this does kind of taste like poison. And my head hurts. Ow!"

Amy looked at Jake with concern. "Is that supposed to happen?"

"Yeah. He'll be fine, don't worry about it. Also that hangover cure was $100." Kylie said playfully.

"Charge it to Rosa." Kylie's eyes widened. Amy only smirked. "You think I didn't see you text her?"

"Wait- so you knew this whole time and didn't say anything?"

Amy laughed. "Oh, no. I saw you texting her while you were making the cure."

"I guess you really are a good detective."

Amy blushed. "Thank-"

"Ow!" Amy turned to Jake, concerned again.

"Jake, are you okay?"

"No..." He groaned.

"I better get him back to Gina and Rosa." Amy squinted her eyes at Kylie. "Were you calling me a good detective just so I'd get distracted until the ten minutes are up?"

"Maybe."

Amy sighed. "You are- never mind. I don't have time for this. Jake let's go!"

Amy grabbed the sandwiches and Jake's hand and led him out of the bar.

The moment they left, Kylie gave Rosa a call.

"Yeah, I got busted. She's on her way to you and Gina. Also I may have given Jake an alcohol cure."

"An alcohol cure? What the hell is that?" Rosa said in confusion.

"Basically, Jake will sober up within 10 minutes of drinking this drink I gave him. Which happened a few minutes ago. Oh wait! I almost forgot something important. You've gotta knock Jake out when he gets there. Or he's going to be in unspeakable pain. I suggest punching him in the face."

"Are you kidding me? Why'd you give Jake something that would put him in unspeakable pain?"

"Sorry. It's been a while since I've given someone this. Call me if Jake starts screaming."

"This all sounds very witchcraft-y. Also wait- did you say to call if Jake started screaming? What-"

"Yeah, I did. And who knows? Maybe I am a witch. Bye Rosa!"

Rosa groaned. "Kylie!"

But she had hung up.

"You have amazing friends." Gina remarked when Rosa kept her phone with a sigh. The entire call had been on loudspeaker, as Gina had insisted on listening in. "Although I am just a teensy bit worried for Jake."

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, Jake was not screaming when Amy came back to the dance studio with him.

"Here are the sandwiches-" Amy said to Gina as she handed the bag over. She nearly dropped them when she saw Rosa punch Jake and knock him right out. "What the hell Rosa?!"

Amy rushed forth and caught Jake before his head hit the floor. "What'd you do that for?"

"Sorry. Kylie said we had to knock him out or Jake would be in 'unspeakable pain' when he sobered up. Jake wasn't screaming on the way here was he?"

Amy looked horrified. "She- what?! Why didn't she tell me that? And no, Jake wasn't screaming on his way here. What would him screaming even mean?"

Rosa shrugged. "She said she forgot. Also I have no idea what Jake screaming would mean. I guess we should just be glad he didn't."

Jake's head was now in Amy's lap and she was absentmindedly stroking his hair. "I can't believe I made him drink that."

"Why _did_ you make him drink that?" Gina asked. "I thought you liked Jake."

"That's besides the point. Jake and I can't be together. It could ruin everything we worked for. And it might not even work out." Jake began to stir. "Oh crap. I'm not supposed to be here. I should go."

Carefully, Amy extricated herself from Jake and walked right out the door.

Jake woke up to the sound of a door slamming, his head getting attacked by what might just be the worst hangover ever in his life.

"Ow- what the hell?"

"You need water?" Rosa asked, to which Jake nodded his head desperately.

He started to feel better after draining his third bottle.

"What happened?" He asked, as he tossed the empty bottle aside. His head hurt too much to really care about the mess he was making.

"What do you remember?" Gina retorted.

Jake scratched his head. "I'm not sure. It's all super fuzzy right now."

"Should we just not tell him anything?" Gina said quietly to Rosa.

"I can hear you!" Jake protested. "Come on, guys. I'm in unspeakable pain here. Fill in the blanks." He froze for a moment. "I think I remember this morning now." Another pause. "It all stops when me and Amy came here and... hey! You made me drink vodka! A lot of it too!"

"Sure did." Rosa confirmed.

"Also- where's Amy? Wasn't she here just now?" Jake looked worried. "Did she leave?"

Rosa gave Gina a look. Gina sighed and seemed to relent. "Fine, lets tell the poor bastard. But we're leaving out the stuff about any and all drunk Jakes."

"Wait- what? What did drunk me do?"

"He won't understand a thing if we don't tell him about Vodka Jake. Let's just use this as a chance to make sure he never drinks vodka again."

Gina groaned. "But I need Vodka Jake!"

"What? I thought you hated him like I do."

"Um Rosa- you're forgetting how good Stage Four Vodka Jake is at dancing! We've won the annual couples dancing competition for four years straight- and this is prize money I'm talking about. It's _half_ my income Rosie!"

Rosa snorted, obviously amused by this brand new piece of information. "Fine. We'll just be vague with the story."

"Guys- I can still hear you." Jake interjected. "Also what the hell Gina? You've been getting me drunk on vodka and using me to earn money for _four_ years? That's actually pretty amazing but I've been taken advantage of so I think I deserve the right to be angry. What the hell Gina?"

Gina turned to Jake with her fingers clasped in negotiation. "Okay kiddo. Let's cut a deal. We'll tell you everything about what happened today- sparing no detail. As long as you promise to get vodka-drunk once in a while to help me out in dance competitions."

"Is that why you always take me to bars that have vodka promotions going on?" Jake absentmindedly wondered. "And also yes. I'll take that deal so please just tell me everything."

So they told him everything. Except for the part about Martini Jake. That was a secret they needed to bring to their graves.

"So... Amy really doesn't want to be with me, huh?" Jake remarked broodingly. His head drooped in slight disappointment as he traced stray circles on the floor with his finger.

"It's not about you, Jake. Amy's scared." Rosa said in consolation. It made her feel disgusted with herself but she did co-mastermind a plan to get Jake and Amy together so she had to suffer the consequences of that plan kind of going to shit.

"I can't blame her. I'm not exactly the king of mature relationships. And Amy probably wants to be in a mature relationship so I'm the exact opposite of what she needs." Jake lamented.

"I don't think Amy knows what she needs. Or wants." Rosa admitted.

"Yeah. She's a _mess_. Just like you Jake. But you can be huge messes together if you just try to convince her to go for it." Gina added.

Jake shook his head. "Look- clearly Amy just wants to remain friends with me. And that's probably for the best. Even if I got together with her chances are that I'll just lose her anyway. And losing Amy... that's something I won't be able to get over, ever. I just wanna respect her wishes. I don't want to push her into something she doesn't want, y'know?"

"Fine. But if you really think never getting together with Amy is the best idea then you need to start getting over her."

Jake looked up at Rosa in confusion. "What? Why?"

"You can't be friends with Amy if you're in love with her. You're just gonna get worse as time goes by and you'll get hurt. Plus we'll have to deal with you being a love-sick mess when that happens. Right now it's already bad enough."

"Yeah, Jake." Gina agreed. "In-love you is such a huge burden."

Jake sighed. "You don't think I've ever tried 'getting over her'? Have you ever been in love with Amy Santiago?"

"No." Rosa said simply. "But we'll help you."

"Yeah." Gina agreed. "I already indirectly tried helping you last night, but you kind of ruined the blind date with Melanie I set you up on by getting her back together with Don. Or Steve, whatever she likes to call him. But that worked out for me since he's bringing a ton of people to watch our performance tonight. So I guess it's a good thing you're sad and alone right now, Jake."

Rosa sighed. "I'll ask Kylie if she wants to go on a date with you." She said, whipping out her phone to text Kylie- who seemed to reply instantly, as evidenced by the loud buzzes that sounded from Rosa's phone. Rosa's eyes widened at the reply and she even snorted. "She said 'NO' and 'JAKE AND AMY ARE SOULMATES' in all caps." Another buzz. "She also said 'Anyone that tries to get in the way of them is destined to go to hell.'. Hmm."

"How's hearing that me and Amy are soulmates supposed to help me get over her?!" Jake complained.

"Also are we going to hell for trying to make Jake get over Amy? That counts as 'getting in the way of them' right? Did Kylie just curse us?" Gina asked Rosa.

Rosa typed out a reply to Kylie. "Maybe. See you in hell, Gina."

 

* * *

 

So Jake didn't see Amy anymore for the rest of the weekend. According to a text he got from Terry, Amy hitched a ride back to Brooklyn when his girlfriend came to pick him up with his car. It made Jake feel relieved because he was her ride to the hotel and he just wanted to make sure she got back safe. He was tempted to call her up and offer her a ride back at first, getting over Amy be damned. But he figured Amy needed some space from him, at least for the rest of the day. So finding out that she was with Terry who could probably protect an entire village from danger had put his mind at ease.

He watched the entirety of Floorgasm's dance performance alone. Rosa was backstage with Gina, having backed down and agreed to be a backup in case anyone got hurt. Also technically speaking Jake wasn't alone since he was in a crowd with hundreds of people. But Amy wasn't there and having spent such a long time with her that weekend made him feel really... empty.

And that empty feeling didn't stop because he drove back home alone again, and that time he was really, truly alone. And the silence that settled in the car, so nearly reminiscent of Amy's laugh from mere days ago- it was deafening.

 

* * *

 

Jake arrived at the precinct abnormally early that Monday. If one were to go up and ask him why, he'd say one of the following things:

"Paperwork. Turns out never doing any of it results in a lot more work that I have to do now."

"I set my alarm clock to ring a few hours too early and just didn't realize the whole time I was getting ready."

"Jet lag. I'm still adjusting to the time zones."

"I'm not early- I just never left!"

He used different combinations and variations of those answers in response to curious acquaintances that were around the precinct just as early as he was. Some people finishing up from the night shift asked too.

Most of the people that asked generally accepted Jake's answers. No matter how ridiculous some of them were. With the exception of Rosa, who had reached the station early too and had rolled her eyes with every new stupid excuse Jake made up. They weren't even funny, they were just dumb and obviously lies.

"What the hell are you doing here? It's crazy early. You usually waltz in two hours later from now." Rosa asked as she cornered Jake at his desk.

Rosa was right. Jake's daily routine was to walk in fashionably late, flashing Amy a cheeky smile as she gave him a disapproving look from her desk.

"Um I- what are _you_ doing here?" Jake said in a weak attempt to turn the question back on Rosa.

"I got called in to fix a processing error for one of my arrests. I wouldn't be here so early otherwise."

Jake gulped. "Fine. I'm here because I didn't finish-"

"Your paperwork. Heard that one five times. You've been doodling weird squiggles and playing tic tac toe with _yourself_ for the past hour. That's not paperwork."

Jake groaned. "Ugh! Okay yeah. I don't have any paperwork to do right now. I finished it after Gina called me about the free hotel because I knew Amy would be mad if I went on a trip without doing all my work first."

Rosa raised her eyebrows.

"And the real reason why I'm here so early is because I set my-"

"Your alarm clock and how it went off a few hours too early. Also a lie. You'd never wake up any earlier than need be." Jake tried to interrupt but was cut off by Rosa. "Also you can't be having jet lag because we all drove to the hotel and it was in the same damn time zone as New York. Which we had to leave the station to do. So don't bring up that dumb thing about how you never left the precinct either."

Jake sighed. "Fine. You're right, those are all fake reasons."

"You're waiting for Amy aren't you?"

"Maybe? I don't know what time she comes in since she's always here before me so I came in early just in case."

Rosa snorted. "Knew it. Why are you waiting for her? And how is pathetically sitting at your desk and looking over your shoulder every time someone enters the bullpen 'getting over her'?"

"I didn't get to talk to her at all after she left me with you and Gina. I just wanna make sure things are okay between us. I don't want anything to get weird."

"Fine. I guess that's... reasonable."

Jake smirked. "See? Me waiting for her has nothing to do with love. I'm just doing this for friendship and work reasons."

Rosa groaned and walked away.

Amy ended up walking into work five minutes before their shift was supposed to start, punctual and early as usual. Needless to say, she was shocked to see Jake sitting at his desk, having arrived to work earlier than her.

" _Jake_? What the hell are you doing here?"

Jake spun around and grinned when he saw that it was finally, finally Amy. He needed the visual confirmation because Rosa had played a prank on him earlier where she held a recording of Amy's voice which she would play as she walked past his desk. (It made Jake feel very foolish, seeing how he fell for the prank twice.)

(Fine, it was three times.)

"I happen to be here for work, Ames." Jake said almost playfully as Amy sat at her desk and organized her things. "Why else would anyone be here? Aside from the criminals that do not work here. But they're locked up in the cell behind me, so."

"Are you sure about that?" Amy said, which scared Jake enough to turn around and look. To his relief, all perps were properly locked up in the holding cell.

"I can't believe you fell for that!" Amy laughed as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I guess that's what happens when you wake up too early and get slightly sleep deprived." Jake said as he shrugged.

"Which brings me back to the question- why are you here again? And to be more specific since you just love twisting my words so much- why are you here so _early_?"

"Actually- they moved our shifts up a few hours earlier today. So you're two hours late Amy."

Amy's eyes widened before relaxing. She smirked knowingly at Jake. "No they didn't- you're just trying to mess with me! I can see it in your eyes. They have _glee_ written all over them."

Jake chuckled. "I'll make sure to shut my eyes the next time I try and mess with you then."

"That would be even more obvious!"

They broke into fits of laughter.

"But seriously- the reason I came so early was to ask you if everything was-"

"Peralta! Santiago!" Terry called. "Get over here, I've got a case for the both of you."

Amy looked up. "Oh, we should go. What was it that you wanted to ask me again?"

Jake shrugged, having lost his nerve. "Nothing! It was nothing."

He was fine not asking if things were okay between them- because if that interaction they just had was any indication, things were perfectly fine. Nothing was weird. Everything was chill. So far.

 

* * *

 

Terry briefed Jake and Amy about a new case that had just been assigned to their precinct by another precinct that had failed to solve the case.

There was a notorious hypnotist that had been hitting up party functions attended by the rich and extremely rich recently- they would select a target and proceed to lead them to an isolated area. Upon which they would hypnotize the victim and rob them. The victims would then suddenly find themselves in random areas some time later with no recollection of how they got there.

"After the detectives working on this case got hypnotized themselves their third time, they decided to give up on the case and hand it over to us. Figured a fresh set of detectives would be good for the case."

Jake gasped ecstatically whilst Amy bit her lip to hold back her excitement.

"This case is perfect for me!" Jake declared. "Gina and I learned how to hypnotize people when we were kids from this weird book we found."

Amy looked amazed. "Have you ever hypnotized anyone?"

Jake nodded. "Abso-tutely I have. There was this kid that lived next door from Nana's house and we used to see him all the time at the playground. So Gina and I asked if we could try and hypnotize him. He laughed in our face and said he'd do it because he didn't believe it would work."

"What'd you make him do?" Terry asked, just as interested.

"We commanded him to pull his pants down after doing the whole hypnotizing thing. It didn't work at first, so he laughed in our faces. But five seconds after he started walking away- he pulled his pants right down."

"No way!" Amy exclaimed, giggling at the absurdity of the story.

"He did! Dude was so freaked out- he pulled his pants back up and ran away. We didn't see him at the playground for a week."

Terry and Amy chuckled.

"Why haven't we heard this story before? Hypnotism seems like a skill you'd brag about for days to anyone who'd listen." Amy asked teasingly.

"Agreed." Terry added.

"After our first successful hypnotism, Gina and I got hooked. We made people do all sorts of stuff. But then one time we hypnotized this dude Gina had a crush on so that she could 'stare at his dreamy face'. He didn't move for an hour and it really freaked us out. The dude only snapped out of his trance when Gina desperately smacked one on him."

Amy's eyes widened. "She kissed him?!"

"I'm not surprised." Said Terry.

Jake nodded. "She was desperate! And it was the only thing we hadn't tried. I was supposed to kiss him next if Gina's attempt didn't work out."

Terry nodded. "I guess you knowing hypnotism will give you an edge the detectives at the One-Oh-Oh didn't have. Anyway- this brings me to my next point. The two of you are going to need to go undercover at this function held at the museum this evening. You'll have to wear something formal, so I've gotten permission from the department to give you access to-"

"The Fun Dress Up Closet in the basement?!" Jake interjected, unable to contain his glee.

"That's not the actual name of the place, but sure." He handed Amy a key. "You'll need this to access the good stuff."

Jake gasped again. "There's a key?! This stuff must be golden."

"They're expensive formal wear that have been recently donated to the department. So don't spill anything on the clothes."

Jake turned to Amy. "Yeah, Amy. Don't worry Sarge- I'll make sure she watches herself."

Amy rolled her eyes. "You literally have a stain on your shirt right now."

Terry nodded. "Exactly. And I was exclusively referring to you, Peralta."

"Yeah, Jake. Don't worry Sarge- I'll make sure _he_ watches himself." Amy said in an obvious mimicry and mockery of Jake, satisfied when he seemed to show signs of infuriation.

"Thank you. Okay, you two are dismissed. I have a meeting to get to."

After Terry left, Amy began making her way back to her desk, only to be stopped by Jake.

"What are you doing?"

"Going... back to my desk? So I can do work? Why, am I supposed to be doing something else?"

Jake grinned. "Amy, did you completely block out the entire conversation we had with the Sarge? We have to get to the basement to find what we're wearing to the fancy function."

Amy crossed her arms and looked at Jake skeptically. "That's not for several hours. It's still morning out. We don't have to go for the function until this evening."

"But we just got free passes to fancy dress up land! This is our chance to try on all the stuff. Come on, Amy! Fashion show time!"

Amy sighed and rolled her eyes, somewhat fondly. "Don't you have paperwork to do?"

Jake shook his head. "No I did it all before the trip. I mean, you once told me all paperwork should be done before a vacation because it would just pile up and get too overwhelming after the trip."

Amy's eyes widened, pleasantly surprised. "You actually listened to me?"

Jake shrugged. "It was good advice. Made the trip stress-free." That was a lie, given how a bunch of things that went down between himself and Amy stressed him out to no end. "Why? Do you have paperwork?" His eyes lit up at the possibility. "No way. Could it be possible that Responsible Amy Santiago has paperwork whilst Relaxed Jake Peral-"

"I don't have any paperwork!" Amy interjected, nearly shuddering at the possibility of Jake being more responsible than her.

Jake chuckled. "So- I guess you don't actually have anything to do for the next... few hours?"

 

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, they're down in the basement and absolutely amazed by the Fun Dress Up Closet. It had everything under the sun for every occasion- Halloween costumes, various uniforms for all sorts of jobs, there was even a horse mask lying somewhere.

"This stuff is crazy!" Amy remarked in disbelief as she examined a clown wig.

"Uh, I think you mean- amazing." Jake said in absolute wonder as he tried on a pair of high heels. "Ow! These hurt. How do women walk in these? You're all incredible."

Amy snorted. "When would we even need some of this stuff?" She dug up some fake shrubbery-like bush. "Like this?"

"Come on, Amy- obviously it's to blend in with nature. Have you never gone undercover as a tree?"

Amy nearly broke down laughing. "No, but I've spent some time pretending to be a flower to take down the mafia."

Jake laughed until his stomach hurt. "That makes no sense!"

"Neither does any of the stuff in here!"

They started an impromptu game based on the crazy costumes and props in the room, coming up with characters and wild backstories.

There was a curtain that they used as a changing room, separating them. Jake and Amy would secretly pick out costume ensembles and change into them, before presenting their hypothetical undercover identities to each other, and then judging which one was better. By laughs.

"Hello there fine lady, meet Trenchcoat Trent. He hides in alleyways and pops out with a pop up when you least expect it." Jake flashed Amy his greasiest grin, and combined it with a cringeworthy wink. This made Amy double over in laughter.

"Did you just call me 'fine lady'?"

Jake shrugged. "That's how Trenchcoat Trent addresses women. Never worked for him though. No one ever responded positively to being called a fine lady."

Amy snickered. "In what sort of situation would you even be required to go undercover as a flasher?"

"To make friends with the other flashers! Gain their trust, discover the secret flasher network and bring them down from the inside."

"That's insane. Also- please don't tell me you're not wearing anything underneath that trenchcoat."

Jake wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Feel free to find out."

Amy rolled her eyes, but her cheeks tightened, feeling impossibly hot.

"Anyway, what's your undercover identity?" Jake asked, clearing his throat and changing the subject away from what could have become a pretty awkward and tense moment.

Which Jake and Amy didn't want. It was as if they had this unspoken agreement to keep things light and fun, to maintain any semblance of the dynamic they had. Of course, their dynamic had always been fun and enjoyable to be a part of, but recent events had made things different. Deep down, there was this underlying knowledge that everything could break and shatter to pieces if they made a wrong move, or held a moment between them too long.

"Unlike you, I did not go out of my way to make the most ridiculous undercover character ever."

Jake held his hands up in disagreement. "But that's the whole point of this game! Biggest laugh gotten from the other person wins. And judging by how you almost pissed yourself when I revealed Trenchcoat Trent- I'm going to go ahead and say I'm _winning_."

Amy rolled her eyes. "I'm a magician." She said, gesturing to her long oversized blazer. "It was the only one that didn't smell too weird, surprisingly."

Jake gaped at Amy in awe. "No way- this is awesome. But where's your top hat? Magicians always wear top hats. The good ones, anyway."

Amy shrugged. "Didn't think of that. Didn't think it would really be necessary."

"Oh Amy, Amy, Amy. You naive little..." Jake did a quick scan of the room, finding a top hat almost instantly. "Aha! There's your top hat."

"I'm a naive little what?" Amy asked as she put on the top hat, grimacing slightly because she felt foolish.

"I don't know. I thought I had something good to say but then my head came up with nada."

Amy gasped dramatically, cracking Jake up. "What?! You- Jake Peralta, can't think of a word to make fun of me?"

"I know, right? I'm just as shocked as you are."

"You're going soft. You're just a nice boy now."

Jake pointed his finger at Amy. "Hey- while I am a _perfectly_ nice boy, I am not going soft. Teasing you is half of the work I do here."

Amy scoffed. "That's not in any part of your job description Jake."

"I know right? I'm doing it for free. It's how I give back to the community."

Amy laughed so hard she started coughing, prompting Jake to lightly hit Amy on the back. As he did this, feathers came out from one of the pockets on Amy's blazer.

"Oh my god- what the hell? Don't tell me there's a bird in here!" Amy shrieked as she shrugged off the blazer, dropping it to the ground. Jake looked grossed out too.

"I thought you said it didn't smell?" Jake asked as they stood five feet away from the article of clothing, Jake holding onto the side of Amy's arms in slight fear. "Maybe it's a fake bird?"

"Go check." Amy said, tapping on Jake's shoulder.

"Why?" Jake asked indignantly as he stepped forth to the blazer anyway, reaching his hands into the pocket with a grimace. "Oh thank god. There's nothing other than feathers in here."

Amy heaved a sigh of relief.

They proceeded back to their sides of the curtain to change into their next outfits.

Jake burst into laughter when they drew open the curtain. Amy was dressed exactly like an old man. She was even hunched over slightly with a walking stick.

"What are you even supposed to be?"

"An old man." Amy said, slow and deep, prompting Jake to laugh even harder.

When he had finally calmed down, Jake began to poke holes in the logic of Amy going undercover as an old man.

"And when would you even need to go undercover as an old man?"

"To make friends with the other old men. Gain their trust, discover the secret old man network and bring them down from the inside." Amy said proudly with a grin, blatantly copying Jake's story about why a hypothetical cop of the NYPD would need to go undercover as a flasher. It only served to make him laugh even harder.

"You remembered all that?" Amy nodded, straightening her back as she shed her old-man persona, figuring Jake had laughed enough for her to win. "Also- aren't you a little too... um, to convincingly play an old man?"

"Too what?"

"Hot." Jake blurted out, a little horrified when he heard what he said. "I mean- pretty. Wait no, I meant feminine. Yeah, feminine's right."

Jake awkwardly avoided Amy's gaze, which he didn't have to because she too, was avoiding eye contact with him.

"Thank you." She said as she chuckled nervously. This was the dangerous territory Jake and Amy knew existed in the back of their heads, but pretended didn't exist. The unmentionable elephant in the room.

If they had made a tally of the number of _Days Jake And Amy Have Spoken To Each Other Without Making Things Weird,_ the tally would be at a big fat zero.

"So what are you supposed to be?" Amy asked, throwing Jake a bone.

He took it with relish. "I'm actually a stereotypical emo kid because of this wig I found but when I put the outfit together I realized I didn't have any eyeliner with me. And I couldn't find any." He frowned. "It was too late to change. I had this whole thing about my character too. His name is George Atwell, but when asked about his name, he goes-" Jake turned around, lowering his black wig to cover his eyes, before turning back around to face Amy, slowly and dramatically. "I have no name..." He lifted his wig back up and smiled with glee. "Because he's emo. And also because telling people his name is George Atwell would just ruin his whole vibe."

Amy chuckled. "It's great, Jake."

"I thought I was going all out with my scene kid getup but then you had to go and dress up and a _actual_ old man." Jake laughed. "Still can't believe you did that."

Amy smirked. "But I did- and seeing how you laughed way more than me this round, I think I can safely say that I _crushed_ you."

"Aw, man! I was hoping you wouldn't remember that!" Jake grinned. "But it's okay- because I'm going to crush you right back in the next round. I'm going to crush you _good_."

So they played many more rounds of... their undercover identity dress up game. Which produced laugh upon laugh, and an inexhaustible amount of new inside jokes. Just for the fun of a nursery rhyme pun, Jake had used three consecutive rounds of the game to dress up as a butcher, a baker, and then a candlestick maker.

"Doing that isn't a pun, Jake." Amy argued when he explained the usage of the three rather uninteresting undercover identities that had flopped miserably in making her laugh despite the fun names and characters he had come up for them. "But I guess I can't complain, since I've dominated the past three rounds."

Jake scoffed. "What? Amy. Come on. Who cares what a pun really means? I did it for the _fun_ of a nursery rhyme _pun_. Let me have this! Rub-a-dub-dub was one of my favorite nursery rhymes growing up."

Amy smirked. "You liked nursery rhymes?"

Jake shrugged. "What kid didn't?"

Amy nodded. "Touché."

"They sang nursery rhymes all the time in kindergarten school. I did great in kindergarten. Had loads of fun." Jake grinned. "And loads of girlfriends."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Let's just move on to the next round."

Besides the whole butcher baker candlestick maker debacle, Amy also dressed up as a prom queen.

"I actually ran for prom queen once. My slogan was 'Fun, but not too fun.'." Amy remarked as she twirled around in her very elaborate prom dress, complete with a sash that was mostly faded but presumably pageant/prom-related.

"You must've been the ultimate prom dream then. Did you win?"

"No," Amy said, a tinge of disappointment and regret in her voice.

"Whaaaaaaaat? 'Fun but not too fun' didn't sway the hearts of the people?" Jake chortled teasingly, resulting in a slightly resigned sigh from Amy.

"Yeah, yeah. I wasn't the most popular girl in high school. I only ran because my best friend nominated me, and I never back down from a challenge." Amy looked down with a sheepish smile. "I may have also gotten tricked into thinking that becoming prom queen would get me extra credit."

Jake cracked up. "You actually believed that?"

Amy shrugged somewhat widely. "I don't know! High School Amy was gullible and liked extra credit."

Jake shook his head as the last of his chuckles died out. "Man, what I wouldn't give to have known High School Amy. But for what it's worth- I would've totally voted for you back then."

Amy gave a shy smile. "Thanks, Jake. That means a lot."

"Of course it did. I mean- I didn't even vote for the prom King and Queen in _my_ high school. Which you can never tell Gina, even though she won anyway."

Amy gasped exaggeratedly. "Gina ran for prom queen and you didn't vote for her?!"

"I forgot she was running! She didn't even campaign because she said everyone would vote for her anyway after experiencing being in her amazing presence. And then it completely slipped my mind and I was too late to vote."

Eventually, Jake and Amy ran out of time (and ideas) for their undercover identity dress up game, and decided to finally unlock the closet containing the expensive, fancy clothing they had been authorized to use for the museum function that evening.

"Woah," they enthused as they opened the closet.

"This stuff is fantastic." Amy said, her mouth agape in awe as she stroked the material on one of the dresses. "Oh my god. Is this velvet?"

"You can say that again." Jake added as he touched the clothes too. To be more accurate, Jake ran his hands over all of the clothes, squealing every time he felt something soft and/or furry.

"So do we just pick what we like?" Amy asked. "I think we have to strategize and choose something that would help us blend in, but not attract too much attention. Expensive but not too-"

"OOH SHINY SUIT!" Jake interrupted as he grabbed the sparkly garb from the closet. "I'm changing first- it's time for part two of our fashion show!"

Amy shook her head and sighed to herself, but she grabbed her own dress of choice and ran off to change just the same.

So Jake and Amy tried on suit after suit, dress after dress, such that they could find the perfect one for their undercover gig. And also they were pretty sure a few of those dresses cost half their annual salary and not trying every single one on would be missing out on a rare opportunity.

It was torture for the both of them, however. Jake, for one, had to endure seeing Amy in all sorts of pretty dresses, some of which were figure-hugging in nature. And if that weren't painful enough, Amy would strike poses for every single dress she put on, asking in uncertain and unaware voices whether she looked okay/whether the dress was suitable. Of course, it was ridiculous that she was uncertain of how good she looked. She was gorgeous in every dress, and unfairly sexy in some. She was also very unaware of how Jake stared at her in each dress. He had half a mind to arrest himself for the looks he was directing at her.

Amy, on the other hand, suffered no less. Jake would put on suit after suit, each last one extremely well tailored and only serving to accent his attractive build. And if that weren't bad enough, Jake would go on to put on suave looks in an attempt to look like a cool spy character, and accompany them with deep low voices plus finger guns. Which if she weren't terribly attracted to Jake, was something she would laugh her head off at and tease him mercilessly for. Unfortunately, Amy was horribly attracted to Jake. So she turned into a puddle of goo instead.

 

* * *

 

That evening, after messing around for several hours in which a grand total of seven people went looking for them (and failed), Jake and Amy had chosen their outfits and were ready to go undercover at the museum function.

"Oh, Amy and I went out to investigate some illegal gambling activity one of my C.I.s tipped me off about. We ended up getting lost and the threat turned out to not be real." Said Jake, who had to resort to lying through his teeth to Terry, when they realized how long they had gone, and how not okay that was since crime could happen at any moment.

"Also Jake and I spent a lot of time strategizing our outfits to perfectly blend in at the function whilst ensuring not too much attention is drawn to us." Amy had added. It made her feel incredibly guilty lying to Terry, especially since disappearing for hours was pretty unprofessional, even though Jake and herself were technically working the whole time still. The only consolation Amy felt was in the lack of criminal activity that their precinct had to investigate that day. Had Jake and Amy sat at their desks waiting for cases to stream in, they would've spent the day doing nothing.

Terry either bought their stories or didn't seem to care, because he just nodded slightly and proceeded to give Jake and Amy a final briefing for their undercover assignment.

"The both of you are expected to be changed and properly dressed in about an hour. A limo will be waiting behind the precinct to escort the two of you to the museum."

Jake gasped, which quickly turned into a shrill squeal. "Whaaaaaaaaaat? There's a limo? Why's there a limo?" He turned to Amy excitedly, a look which made her smile shyly and got her just as pumped too. "Amy! There's a limo!"

"The limousine was authorized just this afternoon in order for the two of you to enter the function without arousing any suspicion." Terry smiled, looking proud of himself for getting them a limo, which he had every right to be proud of. "I mean- they almost had you driving up there in an SUV. And Terry hates SUVs. Those things roll!"

Roughly an hour later, Jake and Amy awkwardly piled into the limousine in their rich people getups. Amy was a bundle of nerves again (as was Jake, but he tried not to let it show), something she tortured Jake with in the ride to the function.

"Are you sure this dress looks fine?" Amy was wearing a midnight blue gown that adorned her figure in all the right places, ruffled at her bosom and the hem of the dress, cutting off at her knees. She looked drop-dead gorgeous yet didn't seem to think so. Her constant doubt about herself drove Jake nuts because she would keep asking about it. And whenever she asked him to critique the suitability of her appearance, he would have to look at her and relive his death again. Part of Jake felt like she was doing this on purpose.

"Of course it does. It's a great dress." He replied with a small gulp, averting his eyes and willing the driver to speed up to the museum. He wasn't sure how much more of this torture he could take- there he was, an innocent man, having to sit in a dark enclosed space with Amy Santiago of all people, a seductress who had no idea the effect she was having on him.

"Do you think my makeup's okay? I tried to ask Rosa for help earlier but she told me to go away and I didn't want to Google 'rich people make up styles' so I only made my make up thicker and slightly smokier. I went nuts on the mascara. And a little crazy with the eyeliner. It's not too much right? Do I look like a rich person?"

Jake sighed, and then chuckled out of discomfort and pain. "Amy. You look amazing. You could go in there right now and _rich_ rich people would all be throwing themselves at you. Even the ladies. Wait, scratch that- _especially_ the ladies. If you were to play your cards right you could walk out of this function tonight a multi-millionaire and I'd have to sell my beautiful body multiple times to get even a piece of that action."

Amy cracked up, finally relaxing. "Wait, so in this scenario- are you selling your 'beautiful body' to _me_ so you can get some of my money or are you selling your 'beautiful body' to the _rich_ rich people so that you can get the same amount of money as me?"

Jake shrugged, his usual shit-eating grin softening around the edges. "Either way works."

"What makes you think people are going to buy your 'beautiful body'?" Amy asked skeptically, although deep down a part of her understood and even appreciated the appeal of Jake's physique.

"Other than the fact that my beautiful body is a gift to this world and a fantastic investment? What other reason would there be?"

Amy snorted. "And what would people even use your 'beautiful body' for? Manual labor?"

Jake winked in response to Amy's playful teasing. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

 

* * *

 

Jake was a mess when they stepped into the museum. When confronted with an array of free-flow champagne and all-you-can-eat fancy food brought around by well-dressed waiters, who could blame Jake for wanting to gorge himself?

"Jake, you really need to cool it with the passed hors d'oeuvres. People are going to think we aren't fancy enough and that this is our first time at someplace as cool as this!" She smacked the piece of cheese Jake was about to put in his mouth out of his hand. "Stop eating!"

"But Ames!" Jake complained in a whine of a whisper. "This is our first time in a place as cool as this. We'll be fine- the Hypnotist Mugger isn't the most dangerous criminal out there. He robs rich corrupt dudes! I read the case file and- it seems to me that the Hypnotist Mugger likes going after old white guys with scandalous histories. Who knows? He could be one of those Robin Hood-type guys that steal from the rich to give to the poor."

"When'd you find the time to read the case file?" Amy asked almost jealously. "I spent the entire hour after Terry went through our final briefing getting ready."

Jake shrugged. "It took me five minutes to change. Rosa got annoyed when she found out and blamed the patriarchy. I completely agree, to be honest."

Amy made a face. "Rosa's right, that annoys me too. I spent half an hour trying not to poke myself in the eye while putting on eyeliner!"

"Don't worry Ames, we'll take down the patriarchy one day. And then all your getting-ready troubles will go away." Jake said with a grin.

It made Amy feel heartened at the sight. "Of course. But- putting that aside, we still have a job to do. You're right, the Hypnotist Mugger isn't the worst or most dangerous criminal we've ever come across-"

"Honestly, I have half a mind to let him go-"

"BUT we still have a job to do. And we can't just let him go. We need to show those guys at the One-Oh-Oh who's boss."

Jake shrugged. "I don't actually mind the officers down at the One-Oh-Oh. It's the people from the Nine-Eight that really get to me." He frowned, as if recalling some past beef he had with the precinct. "Stupid Nine-Eight."

Amy's eyes lit up. "That's it! Jake- if we don't solve this case, those stuck up bastards at the Nine-Eight might get the case and we'll never live it down if they solve a case we couldn't."

Jake gasped and had to cover his mouth with his hands to get himself to stop. "You're absolutely right! I can't believe I never thought of that! Must be those stupid scallops. Why they gotta taste so good?"

Amy sighed. "Probably because they're covered in torch-seared cheese, Jake." Her hand reached for one of the scallops on Jake's plate, popping it in her mouth and prompting a long, dragged out moan that caused Jake to stare at her. "Oh god," she said, pointing vigorously at the plate. "That _is_ so good."

Jake chuckled. "Try the oysters next. They make me want to cry myself to sleep. More so than usual."

Amy snorted at Jake's self-destructive joke and tried one of the oysters. She practically whined as it slipped down her throat. "This is amazing!!"

"Right?" Jake said with the widest smile one could possibly imagine him pulling. "Also you really need to cool it with the sex noises. You're eating, not getting fucked."

Amy raised her eyebrow slightly at Jake's use of the expletive, but said nothing of it. "Whatever, Jake. Honestly, I'd give up sex for food like this. How do they even make an oyster taste so good?"

Jake cupped the side of his ear with his hand and mimed trying to listen to a sound in the distance. "Ooh, what's that I hear? The five dudes that've been eyeing you like a piece of meat for the past fifteen minutes all just simultaneously died inside? Oh look, one of them just left to cry in the bathroom. Think before you speak Ames, some gross rich dudes just got hurt because of you."

His cheeky smirk was what made Amy roll her eyes and shake her head slightly. "You're incredibly lame," she said. "No one was staring at me. There are plenty of rich, well-dressed beautiful women here. I am not special."

"You're always special, Santiago." He said, in an almost pained-like fashion. "No matter what room you're in." He cleared his throat, trying to sound and act more casual. "I mean, making sex noises when you eat seafood? They don't get more interesting than that, Ames. You take the cake."

Amy chuckled, potential awkwardness side-stepped with a dig at her courtesy of Jake. "Thanks. But in all seriousness, what else have you tried here that's good? I know I literally just gave you crap for eating instead of working on the case but- this stuff is just so good."

Jake sneered. "I have half a mind to cut you off, Amy. I mean, if I give you more food you're just going to make more sex noises again. Are you trying to make all the rich people horny or solve a case?"

Amy snorted with laughter. "You're ridiculous. But fine, let's solve this damn case. Should we split up and look for someone suspicious?"

"Yeah, sure. We'll cover more ground that way since this place is _huge_."

 

* * *

 

So they decided to split up and look for someone suspicious- someone that wasn't rich, old, and white. Which to no one's surprise at all, described a majority of the people attending the function. They needed to be on the lookout for someone that seemed to want to rob someone rich, white, and old, however.

"So, just find someone who keeps chatting up rich old white folk and stop them if they try to hypnotize said rich old white person?" Amy confirmed.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it." Jake said, stuffing his final cocktail shrimp in his mouth before Amy and himself had to actually split up and do some recon.

"We should ask around about the people here," Amy added as a suggestion. "Weed out the richer folk, the more scandalous folk."

Jake smirked, downing a small cold yoghurt parfait. He had lied to himself when he thought the shrimp would be the last thing he'd eat. But he had no regrets, because the parfait was delicious. And everyone needed dessert. "Sounds about right. Okay- ready to do this thing?"

"Yeah." Amy smiled. "Of course I'm ready." She slid a small piece of foie gras in her mouth and almost convulsed on the spot, involuntarily groaning at the blissful taste, which really betrayed the determined stance she was trying to take. "You should really try that."

And Jake did. Within seconds both of them were close to the point of collapse. "That is the most perfect thing on the planet." He said with conviction as he gestured vigorously to the pieces of foie gras each perfectly seared and matched deliciously with something crispy they couldn't identify.

"Okay, yeah, well uh- we should probably get to work right?" Amy said more for her own benefit than Jake's as she swallowed the last of the food in her mouth.

"Yeah, good call, yeah." Jake grabbed a number of food items and piled them on a plate to eat on the go as snacks. And then they finally went their separate ways.

Of course though, whilst they were both in understanding about the importance of catching the Hypnotist Mugger, Jake and Amy still busied themselves with tracking down every delicious appetizer in the huge museum, gorging themselves in the midst of important police work. They both noted that it was less fun without the company of the other, however, in the backs of their heads.

So Amy asked random rich people what they thought was something they'd recommend she try (with every new piece of delicious food, Amy had slowly given up more and more with regards to attempting to fit in and acting like she was a rich person who came to rich people functions every other day), and Jake just tried everything in sight, asking the occasional stranger the occasional question. When it came down to it, luck was all they had on their sides to catch the Hypnotist Mugger in the act, so they might as well eat and drink expensive things anyway whilst they waited.

And who said detectives could solve cases on their first try anyways? They might have to go to more functions after this one, and wasn't getting this stuff out of their system actually helping them to better focus in future functions where they'd go undercover?

(As observed, Jake and Amy were already terrible enough at keeping themselves in line when they were with each other, but everything just went to shit once they were apart.)

"Good evening, miss. Are you having a pleasant time?" Amy turned around and found herself standing face to face with some clean-cut, suave looking guy who was wearing Armani on his wrist. Guy was definitely rich, and he probably had a better understanding than Amy of the people in this place. Which made him a viable source of information.

"Oh, hello. Hey. I'm- I'm having a good evening. Very good. Very nice." Amy gulped. "Have you tried the shrimp?"

The man laughed at her, somewhat kindly. "I have. But it's-"

" _Nothing compared to the foie gras._ " They both said at the same time, laughing when they did.

"My name is Jack, what about you?" He asked.

"I'm Amy." She answered honestly. "Say, what do you know about the rich old white people here? Anything scandalous?" She cleared her throat. "I don't come to these things very often." She said, in order to ease any suspicion he might have.

"I see that. And- I have a perfect amount of scandalous stories to share with you, if you'd be so kind as to dance with me?"

Amy groaned inwardly. "Sure." She thought about the importance of this case and how all information she could gather, no matter the means used to attain said information, could be very useful. "I should warn you though- I'm a terrible dancer and will most certainly end up stepping on your toes."

"Then I'd be more than happy to let you step on them." He said as he took Amy's hand. It made her feel nervous but not in a good way. Jake popped into her mind as they stepped onto the dance floor, and she knew getting him out of her head would be difficult. "I've danced with many old women and stepping on my toes is all they manage to do."

Amy tried to relax as she danced somewhat awkwardly with Jack. It dawned on her how deeply she had fallen for Jake- it was at the point where she couldn't even dance with someone else and feel this dread and was that guilt? Building up in her. The yearn to be with Jake instead. It was bad, and Amy had to spend the entire dance internally pinching herself in an attempt to stop thinking about the man while she was dancing with another.

Somewhere across the room, Jake was staring right at Amy. And completely seething with jealousy.

He had it under control for the most part- he could be running down the halls of the museum screaming in agony- but he wasn't. Jake had even managed to amicably end the conversation he was having with a rich white old lady that had been interrupted when he first saw Amy dancing with the tall, handsome, and built man who was probably more in command of his finances than Jake was.

Jake didn't know what to feel. Obviously he knew he was jealous; he wanted to march right up to the bloke and deck him across the face for dancing with Amy, and subsequently suffer from an injured hand because that dude's face was probably stronger than his fist anyway.

But he felt like he didn't have the right to be. Jake wasn't Amy's boyfriend, and any guy from the street (with Amy's consent) could take her any which way, and he wouldn't be able to say a thing. The thought about those potential lovers actually gave Jake another jolt of anger he had to deal with, but the point was- Jake had no right to be jealous.

Sure, he was head over heels, dangerously in love with Amy Santiago. But he knew she didn't want to be with him and he knew being with her would be a bad idea in the long run and one day he'd have to learn to get over the girl that would be impossible to get over.

He still wanted to be with her, though. Despite all the pain he knew it could bring. But Jake wanted to respect the wishes of Amy (that he technically wasn't even supposed to know about), and he'd stay put since he wasn't what she wanted.

But boy oh boy, did Jake want to be the one dancing with Amy right then, and boy oh boy did he want to keep other people away from Amy.

His painful pining was interrupted though, when Jake saw a guy leading a rich white old man away suddenly. The way the old man walked let Jake know instantly that he was already under the trance of partial hypnosis. It involved the victim of said partial hypnosis engaging in weird mannerisms that the average man would not be able to identify. Pushing his emotions aside, Jake thanked his lucky stars Gina and himself were so into hypnosis and the study of it when they were younger, before starting to tail the duo so he could catch the Hypnotist Mugger in the act.

They reached an empty and somewhat isolated area of the museum before the Hypnotist Mugger stopped. For his amazing hypnotism skills, he sure was bad at sensing when he was being followed. Jake waited until the Hypnotist Mugger began to actually steal from the rich old white man before he took action.

"NYPD freeze!" Jake said with his gun pointed. "You're under arrest-"

But then the man turned around and suddenly Jake realized from the hand gestures that he was trying to hypnotize Jake too.

His gun fell to the ground, hitting it with a gentle thud.

 

* * *

 

"Jake? Jake!" Amy called out as she roamed the halls of the museum. The function was coming to an end soon and she had found out plenty of scandalous stories from Jack after their dance. She was about to call it a day, assuming that the Hypnotist Mugger hadn't showed/they had plain failed to catch him. Jake wasn't answering his phone and Amy was worried. She ditched Jack with a very flimsy excuse to go look for Jake, and then she took off running, worried that something bad had happened to him.

And when she found him, she didn't feel very assured.

There he was, completely frozen in a mostly empty and largely isolated part of the museum. Behind Jake was a rich old white man who was in a trance of some sort. Jake himself looked to have been in the middle of a face-off, his hands held up in what Amy presumed to be either fear or some hypnotizing move.

And across from Jake was who Amy presumed to be the Hypnotist Mugger.

"Jake?!" She called out, panic in her voice. He didn't stir, and neither did the other two. Because they were all hypnotized, right. Amy sighed.

"Jake, can you hear me?" She asked, calmly, because no, she wasn't freaking out at all. Her partner was just frozen, and, had apparently also froze the Hypnotist Mugger. Great. That was just fantastic. Of course Jake would hypnotize the perp just as the perp was hypnotizing him. Which was a very weird sentence to say in one's head, mind you.

What if Jake never snapped out of this trance?

Amy shook that thought away. She calmed down and called Terry.

"Sarge?"

"Yes, San-" He gasped. "Did you catch the guy?"

"Kind of-"

Terry whooped in excitement. "This is amazing- I told Garcia you two could do it! This'll show-"

"Sarge wait!" Amy exclaimed, scaring Terry slightly. "I'm sorry but- Jake got hypnotized."

"What?"

"While hypnotizing who I think is the Hypnotist Mugger. I also think that's what we're calling him." Amy said.

"Huh. Leave it to Peralta to catch the perp on the most dramatic note. I'll be right over with backup- maybe put a pair of handcuffs on the perp so he doesn't get away if he snaps out of his trance?"

Amy nodded. "I'll get right on it Sarge."

Amy pulled the Hypnotist Mugger's arms behind his back and cuffed him.

Which resulted in a blood-curdling scream. From the Hypnotist Mugger.

"Are you alright?" Amy asked.

"No, yeah. Was just messing with you." He grinned. And then turned his attention to Jake. "Oh crap- I actually managed to hypnotize this dude in time? Wait. Oh god. We double-hypnotized each other!"

The hint of panic in the Hypnotist Mugger's voice made Amy very nervous.

"What's that supposed to mean? Is that bad?"

He turned to looked Amy very solemnly. "Well, he could die."

"WHAT?!" Amy exclaimed, scaring the hell out of the Hypnotist Mugger.

"Woah, lady, chill." He rubbed his ears in pain. "I'm saying he _could_ die. He's not going to die for real right this moment. Although I am kinda disappointed you pulled me out of trance first- because I would have loved to be on the receiving end of what this lucky bastard's gonna get."

"What is it?" Amy asked nervously.

"You'll have to suck him off-" Amy looked livid. "Just kidding. You're gonna have to kiss him. Tick tock though, he doesn't have much time. Fifteen minutes and-"

Amy immediately planted her lips on Jake's, her hands cupping his face as she attempted to kiss the life into him.

She shut her eyes, slowly melting against his cold lips, which worried Amy. She kissed Jake until she felt his lips warm up again, one of her arms slipping around Jake's shoulders. His sturdy shoulders she realized she liked.

Amy had no idea how long she had been kissing Jake, but suddenly, she felt Jake stir and sort of yelp.

"Amy?" He murmured against her lips, the sound distorted against her mouth. There was an element of shock and confusion in Jake's voice that could be felt, and even a little fear.

Amy's reaction came a second too late, but it was just as explosive. "Jake?! You're okay!"

Jake shifted somewhat awkwardly and smiled at Amy. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Also why were you kissing me? I'm not complaining, but-"

Amy's eyes widened in shock as she realized how weird it must have been for Jake to suddenly feel her lips against his. (Although if one were to look at the technicalities, Amy had kissed Jake out of the blue before. Twice, actually.)

She instantly pointed a finger accusatorially at the Hypnotist Mugger.

"He- he said I'd have to kiss you or you'd die!"

The Hypnotist Mugger chuckled. "Yeah, I said kiss. As in a peck on the lips. Not full on make out. You were downright attacking his lips, lady."

Amy's eyes were filled with horror, and Jake's face began to fill up with glee, just like it always did when a chance to tease the hell out of Amy came.

"Amy Santiago! Were you just kissing me without my consent?" (Again, this was still technically the third time Amy had kissed Jake without permission.)

Amy was at a loss for words. "I-I- he tricked me!"

Jake crossed his arms and attempted to look disapproving. He was mildly successful. "I find that hard to believe, Ames. You know- if you wanted to kiss me so bad, you could've just asked _nicely_."

Amy groaned. "I can't believe I was worried for your life at all. I should've let you die from whatever the hell he said you were going to die from."

"Getting hypnotized while hypnotizing someone else." The Hypnotist Mugger interjected. "I was just messing with you by the way. His life was never in danger."

"What?!" Amy exclaimed. "Go rot in hell you liar."

"Calm down, Amy. He gave you the opportunity to kiss me- which I assume was probably the best kiss of your life."

Suddenly, they heard footsteps approaching them.

"What the hell's going on?"

It was Charles and Rosa.

"What are you two doing here?" Amy asked.

"Amy just had her first kiss!" Jake said at almost the same time. "I'm incredibly honored to be that first kiss."

Amy scoffed. "You were not my first kiss. Dream on."

Jake widened his eyes in amusement.

"Anyway, Charles and I are here because the Sarge said he was coming over as backup. We heard that you got hypnotized. I had to come over to watch the show." Rosa explained.

"I came here out of concern for Jake." Charles added, looking very concerned indeed. "Jakey, you doing okay?"

"Just fine, Charles. How could I not be after Amy, who is head over heels in love with me, gave me such a passionate kiss, restoring me to life?"

Amy pursed her lips. "I am not head over heels in love with you."

Jake feigned hurt and it made Amy roll her eyes. "Amy, your lies can cut deep. Just admit it. You looooooove me."

Amy was kind of angry now, because she really did love Jake, and she really was head over heels in love with Jake, but he was being infuriating. "Shut up."

"Yeah, Jake. You're making too big a deal out of this. It's not like this is the first time Santiago's kissed you."

Jake and Amy immediately turned around to glare at Rosa, who smirked in return. Of course, they were both in knowledge about the first two kisses. But Amy wasn't technically supposed to know about the first one since she had been drunk, and Jake wasn't technically supposed to know about the second one, since he was drunk.

"Wait what?" Charles asked, very confused.

"You'll find out eventually." Rosa said dismissively.

Just then, they heard Terry's footsteps approach them. "Peralta? Oh good, you're alright."

"Yeah, thanks to Amy's-" Amy covered Jake's mouth with her hand before he could say another word.

"Okay. Good work, Santiago. Are the victim and perp both in custody?"

"Perp's in handcuffs right over here, and the victim-" Amy froze. "He's still standing over there in a trance..."

Jake laughed in disbelief. "You forgot about the victim? This is perfect."

"I didn't forget about him, I was worried about you!" Amy huffed. "Which I now realize was a mistake, and I should've left you alone."

"Don't worry about it Detective, we have medical professionals on their way up to help with the victim. What I wanna know is- how did you get Jake out of his trance?" Terry asked.

"She kissed me." Jake said simply, almost proudly.

"Say what?"

"I was tricked!" Amy said defensively. "The Hypnotist Mugger said that if I didn't kiss Jake he'd die- you guys would do the same, right?"

The Hypnotist Mugger chuckled. "Is that what you guys are calling me?"

"I'd let him die." Rosa said simply, prompting Jake to look very betrayed.

"Rosa, how could you?!" Charles exclaimed. "Jake, you know I'd do anything if it meant your life would be intact."

"Thank you, Charles." Jake said appreciatively.

"See! I just didn't want you to die!"

"Who's this guy anyway?" Terry asked as he moved forward. His view of the Hypnotist Mugger had been blocked by Rosa thus far.

Terry got the shock of his life when he saw who the Hypnotist Mugger. "Wait, it's you? But you're supposed to be our civilian administrator!"

"We have a civilian administrator?" Everyone asked simultaneously.

"We were gonna! I just interviewed him last week, and I called him about the job last night- what the hell, dude?"

The Hypnotist Mugger shrugged. "Sorry man. Guess I can't take the job now. Unless... you let me go?"

Terry gave him a hardened look. "Not a chance."

Terry turned to the other detectives and sighed. "I guess this means I'll have to restart the whole interviewing procedure again. Unless you guys know anyone who can do the job?"

Jake gave a long, loud gasp. "I know just the person!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget jack :))))))


End file.
